Stepmother's Bill of Rights

[Kitty C.]

Found this on Glenn Sack's e-newsletter:

http://glennsacks.com/blog/?p=958

The Stepmother's Bill of Rights
Stephanie M., a stepmom and frequent commenter on my blog, has some interesting thoughts on a "Stepmother's Bill of Rights." Apparently the idea first came from "The Wicked Stepmom" blog. Stephanie's post and the Bill of Rights appear below. Many of my readers either are stepmothers or are divorced fathers who have remarried--what do you think of this list? Is it workable? Does it demand too much? Should there be more "rights" included? I'm interested in your thoughts.  

Stepmother's Bill of Rights

I found the following on The Wicked Stepmom's blog and thought it was a good creed for all stepmothers out there.  Some pieces of it are obviously more delicate than others, but all in all, it's a pretty good foundation.  If adhered to with love and respect on both sides, perhaps it could solve many of the problems we stepfamilies face.

Stepmother's Bill of Rights  

Our marriage is our first priority, and we will address all issues together.

I will be part of the decision-making process in my marriage and family at all times.

People outside the immediate family - including ex-wives, in-laws and adult children - cannot make plans that affect my life without my consent.

I will not be responsible for the welfare of children for whom I can set no limits.

I must be consulted about which children will live with us, when they can visit and how long they will stay.

I will not be solely responsible for housework; chores will be distributed fairly.

I will be consulted regarding all family financial matters.

Others may not violate my private space at home, nor take or use my possessions without my permission.

I will never be treated as an "outsider" in my own home.

My husband and stepchildren must treat me with respect.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

I think this is a very excellent start............if anyone has more ideas, go to Glenn's website and let him know............
 

[knoot7]

I read this and found myself laughing and nodding my head in agreement at the same time!

I have some additions which I will definitey post with Glenn. I think that it has alot to do with respect in every area...Ex-significant others, children - Bio and step = same thing, In laws on both sides.

The world has changed. "Normal" Family life...what is normal...normal is what one person knows and has experienced...doens't make them not normal - it makes them themselves.

[gemini3]

I would like to add  "I have the right to not be verbally or physically assulted, harassed, or slandered.  I have the right to protect myself, my family, and my privacy, and to seek full protection under the law if necssary."

I would add this because I have had my e-mails hacked, and my privacy otherwise compromised by an ex-wife, and have been told (by lawyers and a GAL) that I shouldn't seek legal remedy because the kids mom being thrown in jail would be detrimental for them.  I don't think that I should have to give up my legal rights because I'm a step-mom.  That doesn't give anyone the right to violate my privacy, assult or harass me.  If it wouldn't be good for mom to be in jail, then she shouldn't be doing things that would get her there.  If she does, then she's obviously not considering the impact her actions have on her children, and shouldn't be a custodial parent.  (In my opinion, of course.)

[catherine]

Since I am a custodial stepmom, I'd add a couple ...

If I am a custodial stepmother to your children and you fail to take offered visitation or support your children financially, please be respectful towards me and thankful that I am looking after your children for you.  Do not undermine my or my husband's parenting.

If I am a custodial stepmother to your children and you fail to take offered visitation or support your children financially, don't be upset when they call me "Mom".

If I am a custodial stepmother to your children please include me in all decisions about the children and give me the power of attorney to make urgent decisions concerning their welfare in your absense.

----------------------------------------------
Always do right. This will gratify some people and astonish the rest.

Mark Twain

[Sherry1]

The only other thing I would add with custodial stepmoms is

Do you badmouth and belittle me to your children.  I am the one taking care of them, running them around and making sure they are safe.  How dare you show me such a lack of respect.

[Emma]

:)  Of course it would do no good- but it would sure make me feel great :)