What would you do?

[allajody]

We received a bill from a dr that my step children see.  The thing is the bill had the kids under bm's new last name.  I sent back saying that we did not know ss "bm new last name" or sd "bm new last name".  We have gone to court and the judge said the children are to be known as "dh last name" and bm must change all on dr. and school records.  It wasn't a big bill but bm has continued to alienate the children from their father by changing their last name (this is the 3rd time), telling them that dh is "legal first name" and sf is "daddy".  
Some times I wish my dh would be as "hurt" as I am.  I know that this is none of my business, but as a ncsm, cbm, and whatever else you could call me I couldn't imagine doing this to my family.  So as a mother in a your's, mine and our's family, it is difficult to remind our children that we are a family first no matter step, real, or half.  I at times feel the prejudices bending our family no matter what.
I believe that I am here to make sure that our children grow up to be the best that they can be, and by knowing that they are loved no matter how much we as adults may be stressed by the "others" in our lives.

I digress, would you do the same re: the bill?

[MixedBag]

separate the two problems/subejcts.

Pay the bill.

work to get names fixed.

[mistoffolees]

>separate the two problems/subejcts.
>
>Pay the bill.
>
>work to get names fixed.

I'm not sure I agree about that.

They're legally obligated to pay the bill for John Smith. If they get a bill for John Jones, I think it's entirely reasonable to say that you have no idea who John Jones is. It would be entirely reasonable to say that you can only pay bills with the correct name for insurance, tax, etc reasons.  In addition, if there's a court order, it's up to her to fix it.

If BM is finding herself paying all the bills because she's playing name games, it gives her one more incentive to change.

If it were me, I'd just tell the ex that I'm not paying any bills for strangers.

[dsm]

the children are to be known your DH last name, yes?

You agree that the children saw this doctor on whatever day/time?  And that services were rendered?  Yes?

If yes to above, then I would not keep the doctor's office in the middle of the idiocity.  I would send a copy of the court order to the clinic and request corrected invoice.  Then I would go ahead and pay the portion your DH is required to pay once you receive the corrected invoice.

cc PB of course

Otherwise, you are just stooping to her level and playing in her sandbox....nasty place that it is and twisted with manipulation.

==============================================================================

dsm - 37; DH - 40; SD - 18; LO - 11; BB - 4
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It's time for me to do for me and mine.  The others can worry about themselves for awhile.

[mistoffolees]

The doctor's office is not in the middle. The person who signed the paperwork in admitting the child is responsible - and the doctor will collect it from them.

If ex is in violation of the court order and is using the wrong name for the children, I would not pay it. I don't see any value in supporting and encouraging her use of the wrong name. The longer you let it go on, the harder it will be to enforce it later.

If you do what you suggest, the doctor's office might get the name correct THIS time, but you'll probably have to repeat it every time. More importantly, what about the school records, immunization records, church records, and so on?

I don't see it as manipulation to state that there's a court order and if she's going to violate the court order that you won't support it. SHE is the one who chose to put a false name on the doctor's orders. SHE should be the one to suffer the consequences.

If she wants to go back to the doctor and have it changed, that's her prerogative. But I would not get dragged into doing any extra work to correct her intentional actions.

[Tikki]

I would send a letter to the medical office with a copy of the court order.

I would explain to the staff that you do not have any children with the last name of XXXXX, however, you do have children XXXXXX and XXXXXX who are patients there.

LEt them know that you want to ensure the best treatment possible for the patients.  Are these your DH's children?  If so, the name issue is concerning to you -the lack of continuity with their names can lead to medical mistakes.

ADvise the medical staff/physician to please feel free to call you - that unfortunately there's some issues they as a provider are being dragged into by the BM and that although unfortunate, you are trying your best to remedy the issue and along with them, provide the best, safest care for the children.

[MixedBag]

I think by saying you don't know who "John Jones" is is just escolating the situation unnecessarily.

She says she knows it's the step-kids.

Just the other day, I got a bill in the mail for my son's medical stuff.  The office didn't have my name right -- so should I say "I'm not MixedUp and I don't know who that is?"  When I really do.....

Pick and choose yur battles....and I feel, she knows it's the step-kids, so pay the bill.

[allajody]

we have "been there and done" with every situation mentioned above, so how long do we continue?  We have been "dealing" with dh ex for a long time.

we have paid bills, talked to dr's offices, dh has written letter's with court order. dh ex just takes them to new dr's, schools (now home schooling), and church (doesn't want to get involved).  

We have c.o. stateing that ex must notify within 20 days of medical or we do not pay so there is a multiple c.o's

ex must tell the skids to call their dad "dad" not "legal name" to me this woman still feel's she is above the law. She doesn't have to listen to the Judge.  

[mistoffolees]

>we have "been there and done" with every situation mentioned
>above, so how long do we continue?  We have been "dealing"
>with dh ex for a long time.
>
>we have paid bills, talked to dr's offices, dh has written
>letter's with court order. dh ex just takes them to new dr's,
>schools (now home schooling), and church (doesn't want to get
>involved).  
>
>We have c.o. stateing that ex must notify within 20 days of
>medical or we do not pay so there is a multiple c.o's

All of that is exactly why I would say I don't recognize the name on the bill and refuse to pay it. There's no way she can collect it. If she tries, you explain to the judge that she's in contempt of court - so by filing a case against you, she's the one who's going to be punished.

>
>ex must tell the skids to call their dad "dad" not "legal
>name" to me this woman still feel's she is above the law. She
>doesn't have to listen to the Judge.  

In practice, I doubt if there's much you can do about this. Legally, you're on firm ground, but it's probably hard to enforce. It's possible that if you're already getting her for contempt on changing the kid(s)' name that you might be able to bring it up at the same time to reinforce the other contempt charge.

In principle, at some point the name changing and calling the sf 'dad' becomes so severe that it could lead to a change in custody, but you'd have to talk with a local attorney to see how likely that is in your district.

[MixedBag]

"All of that is exactly why I would say I don't recognize the name on the bill and refuse to pay it."

Pick and choose your battles....two wrongs don't make a right.