New boyfriend?

[p5546]

The ex's last husband was on probation for Cruelty to Children.  They divorced.  She has a new boyfriend. Long story....

They "re-united" on the internet.  Can we request his information to do a back ground search considering the past history of the last one or will this seem as if we are "all in her business"? We both have attorneys.

I believe the new boyfriend is currently living the the BM and kids.  He is from several states over and I seen them in the store today together. And on last visit, the son stated that he now wants to live with us.  Almost too coincidental.

There is nothing about others livng with the BM or the kids out of wedlock.  Are our hands tied?

[mistoffolees]

I'd say your hands are tied. If you have reason to believe that the child is in danger, then you can take action. If the ex is doing something that you don't like but which is not prohibited by the agreement, you're stuck.

And I'd be very careful about doing a background search on ex's new BF. You could get yourself into a lot of trouble over that. Who she dates is no longer your concern (again, unless there's evidence that the child is in danger). Sorry, but that's what divorce means.

[p5546]

What do you mean by "trouble".  I thought that  you could do a background search on anyone.

Besides it would be useless, I do not know his full name.

[mistoffolees]

>What do you mean by "trouble".  I thought that  you could do
>a background search on anyone.
>
>Besides it would be useless, I do not know his full name.

You can gain SOME types of information on anyone - as long as it's public information. But as soon as you start digging for non-public information, you could face an invasion of privacy suit. Or perhaps be accused of stalking.

Perhaps not very likely, but why do you need to get involved in the ex's life anyway?

[lucky]

I could be wrong, but it sounds like they want to do the background search because they believe that, given the ex's previous choices, it would be beneficial because the ex makes poor choices in partners.

I can understand that viewpoint completely, however, I don't think that investigating the new bf is appropriate unless they have a tangible reason to believe that the ex's new bf could be harmful to the kids.  The ex screwing up the last time in choosing a bf does not mean that this bf will be bad.

[em]Lucky

Lead your life so you wouldn't be ashamed to sell the family parrot to the town gossip.
- Will Rogers[em]

[mistoffolees]

Exactly. Unless they have some reason to think there's a problem, ex's choice is none of their business.

This is something of a hot topic for me. My ex is constantly trying to find out about my personal life and it's just plain none of her business. Similarly, I have no desire to be involved in her personal life. Divorced people would get along a lot better if they'd all respect those boundaries.

If there's reason to expect harm to the kids, of course, the situation changes. But that doesn't seem to be the issue here.

[p5546]

We don't care about HER life.  We did not find out about the last husband until after the domestic violence in front of the children.

The reason is solely for the benefit and safety of the children.  Also, the son expessed interest in living with us.  Something that he has never brought up before.  

It just makes us wonder because it is the same time the new boyfriend has surfaced.

[ocean]

Your hands are tied....unless something happens....
Custody change is VERY hard to do so do not bet on that even if child wants to....sounds like this child is young.
It can get very frustrating watching everything and listening to what goes on in the other house but you need to make peace that you can not control that part of the child's life and let it go. Focus on when you have child, ask for more time and take it, teach child how to cope with certain situations...
Good luck!

[Missmel44]

I do not know if this helps, but we have it written into our parenting plan that, whoever is living with the BM has to submit to a background check, in addition the BM and whoever lives there will be randomly tested for drugs and alcohol.  My fiancee and the BM were never married nor involved in a relationship though, and there are some other circumstances that may have allowed that to be a part of our plan. We also have a private investigator that periodically checks up on her. But she also told the courts she lives at one address but really does not live there, just floats.  
I hope that you are able to find a solution to your question, I know how frustrating it is being a part of something that you have no legal rights too.

[mistoffolees]

I'm surprised that you managed to get that into your agreement. The 'other circumstances' must have been fairly odd.