Help

[someonewhocares]

I need a little help. I do not know what to do. I have a 2year old (almost 3) and her father has not seen her in over 2 years. I tried to stay in contact with his family but I got tired of calling all the time and felt like I was a bother to them. They, not even one of them, have ever called our daughter. Around 9 months ago the state set child support and when we went to court he asked if he could sign his rights over but the judge said that we was not there for that. He did not once ask how she was or if he could come see her or call her. I still have never heard from him. Since this time I have gotten married and she calls my husband daddy (no she was not told to call him that by anyone) she picked it up on her own. He loves her with all his heart and so does his family. I feel sorry for my daughter that she will never know her father by his choice. I am thinking about letting his sign over his parental rights but I do not know how to contact him. The state has his work address but nothing else. I did send a letter to him about 1 1/2 years ago to his mothers and it was returned. So my question is how do I get a petition to terminate parental rights without him signing (since I can not find him)?

[wendl]

If you know his employer you can have the papers served to him at work


May I also add, my ex has little to no involvement in our sons life, (his choice) my son refers to my husband as his dad (he does not call him dad)

If he is out of your sons life right now, why the adoption???? I know my ex would If I asked him to terminate his rights, but he is our childs father no matter what, even if he makes the choice not to be active.

My dh and I have discussed adoption BUT we both feel, that it is not in the best interest of my son, my son knows who is dad is and what his dad is like, but he is dad.  He know my dh will always be there for him as well as myself, so why change a good thing. My son wanted to legally change his last name, but I feel he can do that in 5yrs when he is 18 and he understands the name change in it's entirety.


**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**

[gipsy]

People like that suck ! No child should have to suffer that ! .

[wysiwyg]

Perhaps my story will be of some help here.  10 years ago I filed for divorce and moved.  When my ex stopped calling the kids regularily I had the kids call him more often, the last time I heard from him his GF called my then 10 yo son a SOB and hung up on him when he called his dad for fathers day.  I called ex back that night and told him that I felt that was wrong and that the kids wanted to speak to him, he told me to go to H*** and when I asked him if he knew what this was doing to the kids, he said he did not give a F*** about the kids and told me to never contact him again and hung up on me.  Shortly thereafter he let our house go back to the bank that I left to him with my name still attached, (I know dumb move but he had not job or credit when I left and I did not want to leave him homeless).  When the bank took the house I had no idea where he went.

Years later I met and married someone else who wanted to give the kids a proper dad, he asked me if he could adopt them.  We went to an attorney who specialized in adoptions and was told that if substancial amount of time had gone by with no contact and since I had not asked for any CS there was no way to track him down other than to file and let the attorrney give notice in the paper of the last known town he lived in.  That ran for three weeks and with no call back we proceeded with the adoption.  My three kids were adopted and we are the rpoud parents of an army Sgt and a son who served in the Navy for several years.  The youngest also carries military ambitions.  

As for the ex, we never heard from him again.

[MrR]

Situations like this are difficult for most of us to understand, as we fight to stay involved in our children's lives. If you have not already tried zabasearch.com to locate and contact the father, PLEASE do. The father has a right to know what you are considering.

If the issues standing in the way of his parenting are due to conflicts between the parents, he needs to know there are other options available.

If your daughter turns 18 and tracks down the father to ask why he abandoned her, his story may be different than yours. She might blame you for not doing everything in your power to allow them contact. The step you are considering is the saddest and most extreme measure a parent should ever consider. The father may grow up/change his mind in time. Consider your daughter's thoughts and feelings before taking this final step. The wrong move could haunt all of you for the rest of your lives!

[someonewhocares]

I guess I should have told everything but was trying to give ther short version. I had called around a year ago and left several messages on his cell phone. He never called back. I heard thru a friend that still has friends that are friends with him that he got married and his new wife has a baby (not his) and that he is raising him. I do not care that he is raising his stepson I think it is great that he is taking care of this little boy but he has a daughter that he does not think about. The same friends went to his wedding and they showed a video of the three of them. Our daughter was not in it. No one in her family knows about my daughter. One of the girls that was there said the new wife family was talking about how good of a man he was taking care of his ss and she said yeah but you did not see or hear anything about his daughter. They told her they did not know he had a daughter. (by the way we was never married)

He told me the last time I spoke to him that he did not care about her and that he did not want anything to do with her. I feel sad for her that he would not want anything to do with her. He was not like this when we was together. He started all this when she was 1 month old and he kicked us out on the street and my family had to drive 5 hours to help me load everything up and move back home.

I am not trying to be mean and take her away but now she has no idea who he is. After child support was set up I figured that we would be going to court for a parenting plan but he did not and has let it be know to the admin. judge that he did not want nothing to do with her and the judge told him fine but he would pay his child support.

Her stepdad is wonderful. His family is wonderful I am so lucky to have found someone that is good to me and my daughter. They treat her just like she is theirs and I guess she is.

[roselm]

I tend to disagree with a couple of the posts I have read.
Being a Biological Father does not give a child a Dad. I know there are men who love their children and the relationship they have with them, but there are men/women out there that want nothing to do with their children. While waiting for this person to grow up and change their mind, your child is growing up without a dad.

My son is 13 years old. His biological father and I were not married at the time. We split up when I was pregnant. My current husband was there the day my son came home from the hospital. That is the only dad he has ever known. This was not my doing. His bio father pay child support but does not want a relationship with my son. He has always been allowed access, I even took my son to meet him last year because my son wanted to know who he was. My son then asked me if his "Dad" could adopt him. I asked the bio father...he said no. He said he does not want to be a part of my son's life but will not sign away his rights. My son took it upon himself to write a letter, the letter broke my heart. In it he said that his dad was the one who took him fishing, taught him to swim and hunt and play ball. He never received a reply.

Why would we want an adoption? Because my husband has a daughter, my son's little sister, but he is not counted on the life insurnace, on the Social Security, in the courts eyes when we have to be evaluated for child support for the daughter but my husband can not count my son as his obligation although he supports him. My husband does not have a right to school records or to sign medical consent. But my son's biggest fear? If something happened to you Mom, where would I go? Could I live with Dad? Would they send me away to people I do not know?
All kids deserve to have a dad to love them and emotionally support them while they are growing up, how is it that he can be denied this because his mother had sex with some guy?

[dontunderstand]

I have to agree with you!  My DD bio dad is the same way.  My DH has been in her  life since she was 1 1/2.  He is all that she knows.  I shutter to think about what would happen if I were to pass away.  It hardly seems fair that just because he gave her some of her genes, he is the one that automatically is assumed to be able to care for her.  He wants NOTHING to do with her and if something happens she has to go live with him, a stranger???  Not someone that she knows and cares for her as if she was his own...her "dad".

[msme]

I have a friend who gave birth to a child with very severe Spina Bifida. When her father saw her in the nursery, he declared that she must have cheated because he couldn't have possibly fathered a disabled child. He then walked away from them. He never had any contact again. She never heard from him again.

The little girl survived, against all odds. When she was about 12, she was seriously injured by the negligance of a health care worker. The courts awarded her a quarter million dollars.

She passed away when she was 17. The courts said her father was entitled to half of her estate. Can you believe it? He was career military so it wasn't too hard to find him.

He was tickled pink to find out he was entitled to about $75,000. She then got a lawyer to tell him that if he tried to collect it, she would go after him for 17 years of child support & the lawyer would inform the state & they would go after him for the multi-millions that medicaid had paid for her care over the years. She had 49 major surgeries.

He said he would sign away his claim for a mere $10,000 if she would agree not to go after him for back support. He then ask for a picture of her. She sent him a picture of her grave & a note saying it was the most recent picture she had.

You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[jilly]

"He then ask for a picture of her. She sent him a picture of her grave & a note saying it was the most recent picture she had."

Wow...I admire her courage. What a moron that man is.