Anyone else have problems w/BM or BF not giving child meds?

[charlie967]

My son goes EOW w/BF.  I've sent his medicine w/instuctions written down so he would know when to give them.  I told him on the phone, in person and through email that he has to take them.  During this time of the year my son and my daughter (w/my husband) both have seasonal allergies that will turn into colds etc....their peditrician prescribed a few meds this year and said they have to take them through the season so they don't end up w/a bad cold or worse. Before I would treat w/OTC allergy meds but for DS it wouldn't work -  Everytime DS comes back from EOW he has a runny nose or cough.  So I have explained over the phone, in person and through email about the meds.  The past 2 times I counted the pills before he leaves and when he comes back the exact amount is in there. My DS is 5 and the first thing he tells me is that BF didn't give him his meds.  He said he told them that he has to take them and he said BF told him he didn't need them.  I'm just curious what I should do next? Do I get a note from the pedi and saying yes he needs to take them or do I just email him and ask why he isn't giving the meds.  Just curious what you think would work.  I really don't want to have to get my attorney to send his a letter saying....give the meds.  

Thanks.

[evalisto2005]

My thinking is foggy right now and I'm far from being an expert but I think for the children's well being you should get your attorney involved. It may not help but I think it's worth a try.

My son's mother won't give him meds (usually) or even take him to a doctor if he's sick, and won't put him in high risk early special education and speech therapy because she has a paranoid fear of doctors because of post traumatic stress disorder (long story), thinks she can handle everything herself, and doesn't want anything to be documented that says my son is really sick a lot, needs speech therapy (because his mother admitted to not even trying to work on his speech or development until after he was two). I know what you're going through and I wish I had a better answer. Best of luck.

[4honor]

when we requested further information prior to giving SS meds for ADHD (work up was insufficient -- Pediatrician gave meds because of BM's word and the fact that her older son was ADHD and SS was "more likely than not ADHD also, and it would comfort BM.")  We asked for a second opinion and made detailed records of our observations with SS on the medications. We brought this to the attention of the Dr and he suggested BM NOT give meds for SS during non-school hours and have a thorough work up completed as well as behavioral health assessment.

When on the medication SS was irritable, violent and an emotional wreck. We withheld the medication during the 4 weeks of summer and on the last day when he was returning to BM we gave him the meds -- we had the Doctor's OK to withhold. We were concerned about SS being on the medications because DH's family has heart defects and BM NEVER gave DH's side of the family's medical history. Ritalin, adderall and clonedine can be hard on the heart and have been known on rare occasion to cause heart attack. We just wanted him properly evaluated with a Dr. that had all the facts prior to diagnosis... since SS was not being harmed by NOT taking the medication. And we suspected it was more his diet and lack of proper sleep and exercise.

When BM realized we had not given SS his medicines, she got really mad, threatened me bodily harm, did alot of immature posturing and then withheld visitation for 4 EOW sessions (8 weeks).

Did SS need those medications? We weren't sure and you couldn't prove it one way or the other by the Dr's records and the side effects Ss was having from them.

AND BM never sent the medication to our house again.  Many years down the road, BM takes SS of the medications becuase it isn't really ADHD -- it is previously undiagnosed vision problems (took her 2 years to have his eyes checked after DH and I voiced a concern as SS could not pick the beginning sound of words with 4 letters or more and we thought maybe he had some form of dyslexia).

Sometimes a parent not giving medications is a sign of that parent's concerns with the child's condition or the medication the child is receiving.

So another approach might be in order. Can you ask BF to take the child to his next Dr. Appointment and you will pick child up from there? Let BF talk to the Doctor and get any concerns addressed-- get him caught up in the act of doing this FOR his child -- gives him a feeling of being in control as well... also lets you talk to the doctor as you pick up the child afterwards and see what changes (if any) were made and for what reasons.

And if all else fails, you buy your 5 years old a watch with an alarm and you teach him to take one pill on scheduel every time it goes off. Set the watch and see if he can do it at your house consistently. Cause if BF is not doing it for any other reason than laziness it will likely not improve much. Gotta change what you can and not let the other stuff get you down.

[charlie967]

Thank you for your view on it.  I would be concerned if my child was being giving meds for ADHD and would seek a 2nd opinion also whether I was the CP or NCP.  I think a lot of dr's and parents are quick to say or their behavior is because of ADHD so let's prescribe this.  Sometimes it is and sometimes it seems to be an easy fix.  KWIM?  I'm sorry your SS BM is like she is.  I have never threatened BF or his girlfriend and I would never withhold visitation.  It's wrong and doesn't benefit anyone.  She sounds like she is an unconcerned mother and gives CPs a bad name.  

As far as my situation, this is what I did.  I asked why it wasn't given and he said because he didn't need it.  I explained again that it was preventive and that he has to take it and told him I would have the doctor forward a letter to him as well.  And he takes his other child to the same pedi so I know that he trusts the dr.  In my situation him not giving the meds is his way of being in control.  From day one he has thought that children do not need meds and even brought it up in court when we established orders.  My son's doctor was a witness and all it did was make him look like an irresponsible parent for not giving the prescription meds.  He sounded like he understood when I spoke with him and we'll see if he gave them or not at drop off today.  It's pretty simple, give the medicine or he will get sick and miss school.  BF knows our son is treated very well and doesn't worry about his health.  He just doesn't believe in meds.  I guess it's just like some people who don't believe in vaccinating their kids.  It's just his personal belief.  Anyway, thanks again for your view and I hope you don't think I'm being rude back in my response.  

I'll try the alarm w/DS and see how that goes if he didn't give the meds this weekend. Thanks again.