Any Help Appreciated

[Finboy]

This is my first post and sorry for the rambling  but i'll try to make my story as short and sweet as possible.

I met a woman few months back, we both fell madly in love, i moved her in to my place,  she then  wanted to get married and we agreed. She then wanted to hurry up the wedding and get married quickly and try for a baby. We married in less than 2 months, she got pregnant the week of our wedding and everything was fine and rosy. Both of us had been single for a long while and just knew this was it. We both come from Europe and are Resident Aliens not US Citizens.

She wanted to move so i found us a house to rent and we signed the lease in Feb and moved in and all of a sudden she totally changed.
First it was my snoring and that led to me just basically being a piece of crap.  Now everyone's told me that women change when becoming pregnant but i dont think this is hormones because it is constant hostility towards me, not and up and down thing.

2 days ago she informed me that she does not want to share her life with me and that i'm not as strong of a person as she needs. Her only explanation was that when we met she was on medication (vicoden and muscle relaxers for back and neck injury) and that now that she's "Clear" she no longer wants anything to do with me and that she wants a divorce.

She agreed to live in the house till the baby is born and the 4 months after that till the lease is up, mostly because she does not have the financial means to support her self. (i pay all the bills now) but that she still wants a divorce before the baby is born.

I called my attorney friend and found out that custody issues cannot be solved in our state up until the baby is born and that most likely a judge would not grant a divorce before the baby is born.

I "bought some time" by saying that let me get my head straight and i'm going back to Europe for a week to be with family so she's not going to serve me immediately.

She's saying that she wants me to be a part of the baby's life, but not hers but obviously i cant trust her on anything. It's like a bad soap opera, in 3 months i go from the best in the world to the worst. And let me add that there was no "real" reason for her behavior, i did not change, cheat or beat her or anything like that. There was no dramatic situation that could have made her feel this way.

Any help in both what my actions should be and if anyone's ever been in a situation similar to mine would be appreciated. I dont know what's going to happen when she wants to go do the divorce and i'm gonna have to tell her what the reality is and that i want either full or 50/50 custody of this child.

To add, i'm not wealthy or anything like that so her reasons for marrying me must have been love.  Now if she only wanted a baby why rush me into marriage. Actually i believe that it's better this way when the time for custody comes that we are married.

Sorry for the rambling and confusing story but my life has been totally turned upside down these past 2 days and i'm just trying to collect and get as much info and ammo for me and my babys best interest.

I have backing from friends and family in finacial matters and much more stability in my past life than she does, i dont know how it actually works but she really cannot afford to do anything on her small salary. and if this gets really ugly i believe i can prove her as an unstable person, she's had some psychiatric visits in the past and her behaviour with me these last 6 months surely shows that she's unbalanced and she does not have the financial means to hire any good attorneys.

[wysiwyg]

well I would be one to question if the baby was yours?  You will say yes, but then I would ask HOW can you be sure?  It seems to me from your post that her suggestion to rush into a wedding and having a baby right away is a red flag signaling that JDLR (just don;t look right).  I would ask for paternity testing when the baby is born.  I am not sure what other legal issues you have - you would have to ask an attorney, I am simply telling you that something is not right with your situation.

[Finboy]

Yes, i'm very confident the child is mine. She's not really that kind of a woman that sleeps around.  the conception date was when we were living together and just 5 days before our wedding  and i have no real reason to doubt that the child isnt mine.  But yes i will do a dna test once the baby is here just to be 100% sure.

[gipsy]

I had a similar situation , Never married the psycho ; Thank God , But she too did the about face change , And suddenly I was the enemy :
  I don't know how this will pan out for you , But mine worked out that I Did a paternity test . And He is Mine , And from there on had to forces her by court order to allow a relationship between my son and I ,  I am going to guess you are in the same boat ,
   I found the whole thing to be very disturbing that some one can change so absolutley ,  And they are so goodat blaming you ,
  My advice is too put this in the category of cut your losses ,
 And My deal is too not really talk to the psycho and the better it is . It is absolutely impossible to reason with some one like this , So don't try to reason it out , My deal is don't talk to her just put it in writeng and then go to court if she dissagree's

[msme]

If I were in your shoes, I would not leave the country or the house, except to go to work. You may come home to find that she has secured the help of some womens agency. They will instruct her to lock you out & get a temporary order to make you pay for everything. You will have the clothes you took on your trip & she will have everything else, including all your personal possessions & records.

They will pay for her lawyer & help her destroy you. You must document everything. There is a lot of information on this site about protecting yourself in the early stages of divorce. I believe one very important reference is called "Emergency First Aid". Also there is something called "Getting Started." Somebody here can provide the links.

You need to educate yourself cuz you are on a very difficult ride. Make sure the lawyer you hire is a Board Certified Family Law & Custody Specialist. Your lawyer friend can help you find one.

Good luck & God bless
You never get a second chance to make a first impression!

[Finboy]

Thank's all for your advice. I've basically emotionally cut my ties to her, it's about the baby now, not about me or her.  Like someone wisely said, there's no reasoning with a person like this.