i just want to be in my son's life...

[moral292k]

The mother of my child and I had separated 4 months into her pregnancy. There was a problem with infidelity early in our relationship and I had lost my trust in her. I was raised by a single mother. My parents were together but only because of my brother and I. Things got ugly over the years and my parents separated when I was young. I understand the importance of a child having both parents. I don't feel that one should be forced into a relationship especially when a child is involved...what example would i be making. There is a question if the child is mine because of things she has done and certain things she has said to me. I tried to help her after we had separated but she didn't want me to help in anyway unless we were together regardless if I was the father or not she said. She changed her number and cut off any communications with me and had told me not to communicate with her until she had called or else she would disappear with our child and never allow me to be a part of his life. She was due in the middle of June and I passed by her apartment to try and speak with her but she was never home. She gave birth to our son at the end of May and told me a two weeks later. I'm filled with a lot of emotions, but I control them to see my son. She has started some arguments but I don't let them escalate...I just ignore all the things she has to say. She told me she gave him her last name because I wasn't there when he was born, but not by my choice because I didn't know until two weeks later. I've been setting dates to see my son but she keeps making little comments to get me upset. I asked her about having my name on the birth certificate but she had told me to forget about that and I'm lucky she is allowing me to see my child and to remember that she's in control and that I never forget it. It hurts me that I wasn't there to see my child come into this world and that certain things she's done make me question if I am the biological father. I went to  new york family court and filied a petition for paternity but they told me that men don't usually file and if I file that then that states I am stating I am the father and if she agrees then case closed and no tests will be done. I'm being careful on what I ask the mother of my child because she is quick to say that i can't have anything to do with my child. If the child is mine I want my rights as a father. I want to support my child and be able to peacefully be with my child without any problems. I would like joint custody, but I'm being told that it's unlikely unless the mother is not fit to raise the child. She's a good person and a good mother I don't doubt that. We both made some mistakes, but our relationship just didn't work out. I don't want to take our child away from her I just want to be able to raise our child together. I don't know what to do next. thank you for your time and consideration.

[Dez]

I stopped reading because it's too difficult to read as one giant paragraph. Try making smaller paragraphs and maybe you'll get better feedback.

[melissa3]

Hi

1. Don't file anything yet. You need to ask for a Paternity Test (DNA) to establish whether you are the father or not.

If you are the father:

MOST IMPORTANT: Get a great lawyer who WILL fight for YOU. And, always try to file first. It really sucks to be the defendant and to always have to play catch up. Trust me, my fiacne and I are learning that first hand as we speak.


1. Get your name on the birth certificate. And don't worry that ur ex doesnt want ur name on it. She can't say no if you have proof the child is yours.

2. Don't listen to what anyone tries to tell you about Fathers not having/getting rights to their children. Its all crap. And don't believe that mothers are the better parent for raising children. The sex of the parent doesnt define how good of a parent they are, it only defines who did what job when creating the child =)

3. If you want full custody then fight for it. If you want 50/50 legal and physical custody then still fight for full custody. (Its better to shoot high)

4. DO NOT let the ex control everything. DO NOT give in to demands that are outrageous or that infringe on your right to being a Father. Just because she popped the kid out doesnt mean she runs the show. Put yuur foot down and tell her that you going to play an ACTIVE ROLE in YOUR child's life, whether she likes it or not. Also, her actions and outrageous demands could possibly hurt your child or the relationship you are trying to have him. DONT let this happen. Oh, and one more thing, if you settle for less now then you settle for less later. Get in there and fight for the rights that you AND your son deserve, NOW. It will only get harder if you don't.

5. You need to read all the articles on this site. They are great....

There are a million other things I could list here but I don't want to fry your brain. This is going to be a battle and you WILL need your wits. Just remember to keep ur nose clean, take the high road, get a lawyer and always, ALWAYS, act in the best interest of your child.

Oh, before I forget, NEVER, EVER trust your ex to have your best interest in mind. If she is being freakishly nice then she has something up her sleeve. I'm sorry to say this but you will probably nver be able to trust her again. Be very cautious. Don't get scamed.

Best of luck and I hope things go well for you.