Its over.....

[melissa3]

Finally, after 2 months, we got the answer from court.

We lost. BM got everything - sole legal and physical and finace cant see his daughter unless he finishes a drug evaluation, which we can never afford and is completely unnecessary. I doubt we'll ever see his daughter again, especially after BM moves 3hrs away to live with her BF. This is all wrong, so very wrong.....

I feel dead.

Thanks to everyone who offered their advice and support. Good luck to everyone....

[notnew]

I know exactly how you feel. Just start putting money away for the drug evaluation and live your lives. I lost in my case not too long ago and have not heard from or seen my child since.

Does he have any rights to any contact at all? I can't remember the age of the child. Would phone contact be allowed? When is she planning to move?

I guess if he doesn't plan to appeal, then he should maybe send cards and things if possible.

Is he ready to give up? I know how hard this is for the two of you. It is like someone died. You'll both be down and it will last for a while (it never really goes away at all, the feeling does fade into the background though). Sometimes, you will think about things, what is going on with her, etc., and it will feel fresh again, but it will move into the background with time.

It is a horrible system we are a victim of. It is important to lean on each other through this. It seems for some crazy reason that not a lot of people understand that this is such a hard thing to take.

[melissa3]

Hi!

I think fiance wants to give up but on the other hand he can't, I know his heart wont let him because his daughter is his first and only child. It's a no win situation.

BM and her lawyer have pushed him out of his daughters life completly. He is now and forever at the the mercy of the ex and she is nuts, she;s a narccissist to a T! She will never let him be involved again, especially now that she knows she has the court in her corner.

I don't know if we can appeal, I don't know what our options are. If only there was a way to prove that BM is acting maliciously, and not in the best interest of their daughter.......


The thing that i can't let go of is how the judge gave her full custody. I thought that was rare and 50/50 legal custody was the norm. Fiance NEVER, EVER hurt his daughter, yet the courts are treating him like he abused her. WTF?

I am so sorry you're going through this also. It is a hell on earth, isn't it? YEs, we do need to lean on eachother and its a blessing to have a site like this with people who are so compassionate.

Thank you.

[step_momma_2boys]

I am so sorry for the loss.  It is so hard to take and think that you can go on.  This first while is going to be especially hard since as you said, BM feels the courts are on her side.  If she is anything like my DH's ex, she will make life so hard and contact with his DD will be so strained.  He needs to press on though for his DD's sake.  That is the only advice I can give to you guys.  Just call and call and call.  Send her letters, cards, little care packages so that she knows you guys are thinking of her.  Hopefully BM won't interfere w/ her mail.

We have been living with our loss in court for 2 1/2 yrs, and it still stings.  It has lessened, thank goodness.  But we have had to fight for our rights every step of the way.  When BM won, she acted so holier than thou.  And even told me that she is "the one with control, and she decided when and if dad can see his boys."  We have a pretty tight parenting plan now, so there is pretty much no room for argument anymore.  She has relaxed a bit, and even allows the boys to come visit at times when it's not our weekend.  But, then agian... the boys are 11 and almost 10, so they will say, "hey mom.. we want to go to dad's for this weekend because this or that is happening."  How can she refuse things to them that are important, KWIM?  Hopefully, in your situation, the BM will come to that realization.  I didn't think it would ever happen in our situation, but it has.... so there must be some hope!!!  (because, BM is evil IMO.)

[Sunshine1]

I really don't see how he would lose his legal custody.  I think an appeals court would kick this back to say that the courts have abused its discretion a bit.  There are no reports or findings that he has abused her right?

Geez even in MN  meth addicted moms and dads get to keep their rights and get more visitation that a divorced parent gets.

I know this totally sucks, but IMHO, it ain't over till the fat lady is 6 ft under.  I would appeal this immediately.  With the facts you have presented, there was no reason for him to lose all custody.  Were they ever married?  I can't remember.

Your the only one that is going to be able to fight for her....I am afraid that your SD will go to the dark side if you don't do everything in your power to keep her in your lives.

[melissa3]

See, that's why Im so confused! Fiance never hurt his daughter, himslef, or anybody while on medication!!

And no, they were never married.


This is just so unfair to SD and fiance. I just don't get it....

Im going to talk to fiance about appealing.....

Thanks

[KathyNY]

I haven't been on this site since my own loss, but I just came on today with a question, and saw your post.  Oh, Melissa, honey, I am so sorry for you guys!  You KNOW I know what you're going through right now!  You sit there in court (I can't remember if you had a trial or if you were just waiting for a decision- sorry) and when the words actually come out of the judge's mouth, it is so surreal.  

I guess in my case we do have visitation, and I really hope things look up for you guys and your fiance gets this drug eval. situation cleared up.  Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

-Kathy