First time posting-general in nature

[fpollack]

My ex has "primary physical custody" of our two sons.  I am currently seeking full custody with visitation for her.  The Commonwealth of Pennsylvania is very heavily weighted towards the mother.  My ex has, in the recent past, (short list):

Moved two different men in and out of her home after knowing them for less than six months.  One has a history of abuse.

Spends child support on these men, (she admitted to me) while the kids go without.

Slapped my oldest son in the face "more than six times", (his words).  This occured as several different incidents, not all at once.

Denies nearly all access to kids other than what was dictated by the courts.


I filed for custody in June, the first portion of the hearing wasn't until November.  My ex's lawyer postponed finishing the hearing.  The courts have re-scheduled for February 2007!

My lawyer can't do anything about the scheduling and suggests that filing a PFA on behalf of the kids or filing a motion for relief would be viewed as a ploy.

Any advice would be helpful.

[Giggles]

First and foremost I am NOT a lawyer....but....

From what you list, there probably isn't enough to have the court overturn custody UNLESS the child(ren) are over the age of 12 and it's their wish to live with you.

As for the revolving door with the men, unless it's in your court orders state there are to be NO Overnight Guests of the opposite sex..you're pretty much SOL on this issue.  You can however, try to get the CO modified and this language included.

What she spends the CS on is her business...sucks I know, but you cannot control that.  Now if you can prove that the children are being neglected (inadequate food, clothing, shelter), then maybe...but highly unlikely.

Slapping the kid might get somewhere, but you have to have proof.  Since you're not in the house and it comes as a statement from the child, it basically boils down to HE said SHE said.  Without proof, police reports, CPS reports etc...you have nothing.

Other access denial is her right really.  If she is following the CO then the only thing you can do is to try to modify the CO to allow for more time.  Try to get the "Right of first refusal" clause put in there.  That way if she has to be away from the children for say more than a 4 hour period, she has to notify you and offer for you to care for them vs a babysitter etc.

Your lawyer is correct...since there is a pending hearing, trying to file anything in the interim would be seen as a ploy...UNLESS you have proof of abuse...

Advice....not knowing what is in your CO now makes that difficult.  Since you're asking for a custody reversal (which probably will not happen), have a plan of what you would like to have or settle for.  I might suggest a 50/50 plan, get the stipulations as I stated above and be prepared for her to fight this because it would mean reduced or eliminated CS.  The MAIN thing for you to do is to show the judge that you have ONLY the kids best interest in mind...do not harp on what she is doing, only what the kids NEED!!

Good luck!

[Ref]

Unless you have it in writing that she can't live with men, that will be thrown out. Especially if you have no proof that they lived there. Even with proof, it wouldn't matter. She has the right to live with whomever she wants.

Many CP's spend their kid's child support money on themselves. It is wrong, but the courts will not make CPs prove that what they get is spent on the kids (I think it would tie up the court system too much). So legally, there is nothing you can do about it. Additionally, you have no proof. She will likely lie in court and the judge will not rule against her based on your word against hers.

Unfortuately she has every right to deny you all access but what is required by the court. She did not break any rules by being a b*tch. You will probably not get custody reversed out of that.

Now the slapping the kid in the face, that might be something you could get custody reversed on. Do you have any proof? Police reports? CPS reports? How old is your oldest? Is he old enough to call the police if she ever does that to him again. I would talk to him and say that if he ever gets hit like that by anyone, that he should call 911 immediately.

Best wishes,
Ref

[fpollack]

I had intentionally left out some details as I figured it would be too much BS for people to wade through, but maybe a few more details are in order.

She can live with whomever she wants to, but one of the boyfriends has a history of violence against women, a history of intimidating children and carries a gun, (ex-cop).  I have had no luck getting anyone to testify to his past behavior, (most are afraid) and any police reports are nowhere to be found.

My oldest is 12 and has already testified thatr he wants to live with me.  My youngest is 10 and testified that he wants 50/50.  Right now I have 2 nights/week and every other weekend.

I have told my oldest to notify me immediately if (when) she hits him again.  He would never call the police on his mother.

I love the "Right of First Refusal" suggested by Giggles.  That is a great idea!

I have never posted to any forum or blog before and I apologize for my ignorance if I have broken any accepted rules of conduct!

[Giggles]

At 12 the judge may give his request some thought.  What may happen is a GAL might be appointed to figure out what may be the "best interest" of the boys.  The GAL typically meets with both parents, kids and any other individuals involved in their lives.  Then the GAL writes up a report giving the Judge their opinion, then the Judge makes a decision based on the GAL's reccomendations.

Still the BF's history is of no use if you don't have any proof.

I think maybe you should try mediation to see if you can't work out a 50/50 deal.  Make the deal sound really good to BM, like she'll have more free time to do things, etc.  Even state that CS can be visited at another time.  All that means is that once you have the CO with 50/50, you can go in and modify the CS based on the new CO.  So BM will think that CS won't change....but you can change it after all is said and done!

Oh...BTW...your post was fine... :-)