Move Away Parent

[davidablack]

My wife moved out of State on Feb 1st 2007. I could not prevent this as I did not have the funds for an Attorny. I am saving for a divorce. I am sending her $700 per month as child support. I fly there (form Los Angeles to Seattle) for one weekend per month. She has not worked in the last several years and is on disability. I video chat with my son day and night. However, my wife is constantly adjusting this access to my son (her computer is not working and she says she doesn't have enough money to fix it, etc).
I'm reliant on her good will to speak with my son (he's three years old).
She threatened me this evening that unless I keep her happy I will "never see my son again". i found out that she received $15,000 from disability, and she has spent $13,000 - mostly on new furniture and a new Mac book excetra. I want to protect myself and gain access to my son. As stated, I'm saving for an attorney. I'm a legal resident but my green card is still contingent on our marriage. My wife has threatened to call the INS and try to have me removed from the country by making allegations against me.
She was recently under the care of a Psychiatrist and has a history of mental disturbance.
She has also walked aawy leaving behind thousands of dolloars in mediacl bills.
I am considering sending her only $600 per month so that I can save faster (based on a child support calculation I found online)  - this resulted in threats - she thinks I should pay her alimony also (even though we're not divorced). I'm concerned for my son,
Please submit any advice. Am I going to have to back pay child support because it's not official?(I do have check copies). Thanks. David

[MixedBag]

you need to file first to keep jurisdiction in NV.

whether or not your current payments to her will count in the future is hard to say.  Make sure at the very least you put on the memo line that all payments to her are meant to be child support.

INS concerns?  Are you here legally or illegally?

And find out if you can stay legally once you are divorced.

[mistoffolees]

If you don't have a divorce yet, you need to file for custody - immediately - in the town where you live. I would strongly encourage you to find the money for an attorney or find an attorney who will work pro bono (perhaps your city has a legal aid office). If you absolutely can't find any way to work with an attorney, then get some help here or elsewhere to file pro se (by yourself) for custody and divorce in the state that you're living in. If you do that right away, your court will have jurisdiction and she will in effect be taking the child out of your state without permission.

You're also going to need to find out (through an attorney, preferably) what happens to your green card if you get divorced. Do you have any option of renewing it as a single person?

Are the medical bills in her name or in your name?

Can you PROVE that she has a history of mental illness? If you can prove it, you might have a chance. If it's just word of mouth, don't count on it.

As for back child support, it depends on the jurisdiction. Write 'for child support only' on the face of the check. In many courts, if you've made a good faith effort to support your child, they will consider that to be good enough.

I would also request in writing a fixed time every week to talk with your son by videoconferencing. If she has a new MacBook, that has videoconferencing capabilities built in, so she can't complain about her old computer being broken.  Ask her to confirm that these times are OK. Then go online at those times. If she refuses, get someone else on your end to witness that she didn't show up for the agreed videoconferencing time.

[jcsct5]

This is not legal advice, however I strongly feel that...

You need to file for a divorce and custody of your child immediately. The longer you allow her to stay in WA the closer she and your child become to being WA residents. (I beleive the requirement is 6 months and she has already been there for 1 1/2 months) Your running out of time. You need to get an attorney ASAP, file for a divorce or separation, file for custody, and ask to have the child returned to CA.

If there is no court order for child support don't send her a dime. You need the money to pay for representation from an attorney. Also giving her money now is only considered a gift to her and allows her to be underemployed (which ultimately makes you have to pay more in the end). I understand that you think you are doing right by your child by sending the money voluntarily, and that is admirable, but stupid if you can't even pay your own bills or pay for an attorney. You don't have time to "save up for an attorney" she will become a resident of WA in 4 1/2 more months the clock is ticking. If you have money left over after getting an attorney then put it in a savings account until such time that you are ordered by the court to pay child support.

Generally when the courts do allow a parent to move away they also order that parent to pay for 100% of the transportation costs for the non-moving parent to have parenting time with the child. I would make sure you ask for her to be responsible for this if they decide the child can stay in WA.

Many attorneys will do a free consultation, get out your phone book or look on the internet. A Family law specialist would be best, but they also come with a larger price tag than just regular family law attorneys. Generally attorney charge a retainer, if there is no way you could borrow money to cover this then I would see if you could make a down payament and monthly payments of $700 a month until you reach your retainer amount. You are allowed to use joint assesst to cover your attorney expenses so think hard about what you can liquidate to come up with the retainer and do it fast.

Good luck and keep us posted.

[mistoffolees]

>If there is no court order for child support don't send her a
>dime. You need the money to pay for representation from an
>attorney. Also giving her money now is only considered a gift
>to her and allows her to be underemployed (which ultimately
>makes you have to pay more in the end). I understand that you
>think you are doing right by your child by sending the money
>voluntarily, and that is admirable, but stupid if you can't
>even pay your own bills or pay for an attorney. You don't have
>time to "save up for an attorney" she will become a resident
>of WA in 4 1/2 more months the clock is ticking. If you have
>money left over after getting an attorney then put it in a
>savings account until such time that you are ordered by the
>court to pay child support.

This really needs to be discussed with the attorney. In my state, if one spouse has siginificantly greater income than the other, they are expected to help support the other (and the child) during the divorce process. The court will generally give credit for good faith payments made while waiting for the divorce proceedings. An attorney familiar with local rules can help with the process.

[jcsct5]

I live in CA. In CA, which is where Los Angeles is, you don't get credit for payments made in good faith... those payments are considered "gifts". In CA child support is only retroactive to the date that someone actually files for child support and you don't have to start paying until the court actually orders it. Which is why I said if you have money left over AFTER paying for an attorney put it in a savings account until the court orders it and then pay up what you have saved.

Getting good legal representation at this point should be your highest priority because she has already taken your child away from you and threatened you by using your child as the bait. It will only get worse. Get yourself an attorney.

[wendl]

FYI---WA state is a mommy state even if they say otherwise. I lived their all my life (not to far from Seattle)

Contact an attorney immediatley, keep all your flight receipts cs receipts etc.  You must be making good money if you pay $600 for one child.  If mom is NOT working you can ususally impute their income and also get a credit on cs for long distance visitation.



**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**