Searching for Advice - What would you do?

[georgia]

It's a long story but I am going to try to put it simple.  I have used this site for years and it helped me get my husband custody of his child and his stepdaughter.  Now, I need advice for myself.  As I said I helped my husband get custody and not to long after that we had a child together, so we had four children between the both of us.  We decided that having me work was just paying for daycare and so we decided that I would stay home with the kids and I also started his company up, so now he had his own business out of the house. Everything was fine for a while but after he had numerous affairs it wasn't so pleasant, but I stayed because of the kids, especially the ones from his previous marriage, their bio mom left and never saw them again, and I was their only constant in their lives, I am mom.  Anyway, after a couple of years of his mis-handling the finances, I had to find a job, and I did, but it required me to travel sometimes.  Well not even one month into my job and I had to make a trip, and he was watching the kids, until I received a call from my 12 year old who said that her stepdad and the kids were packing and moving.  When I came home, he was gone with his two kids.  He didn't pay the mortgage for three months, or the car payment for two months, all the utilities were 2 months behind, he had a business cell phone on my account and didn't pay it, he also didn't pay the taxes from 2006 so I have a tax lien on the house.  My house is pending foreclosure, I'm hiding my car so it doesn't get taken away.  He knew I don't make enough to pay the mortgage on my own and left me in financial strain to say the least.  He doesn't help with daycare for our youngest, he says he will give me money when he has it, meanwhile, I found his profile on-line in which he says he is divorced and he has not even filed, and I also just found out he is planning on renting a cabin in the mountains for two.  He is purchasing misc. items on e-bay such as candy and a bride of chucky doll.  Meanwhile, I am struggling to keep the lights on.  Any advice, I can't afford a lawyer, he has ruined my credit so badly that I can't even get an apartment.  

[notnew]

If you used this site that much,  you know what to do.

You go to court and file emergency hearings for alimony, CS, custody, etc., ask that he be ordered to pay for everything and be responsible for the past due payments. The court order needs to say he is ordered to pay so you have recourse to collect on a judgement (also ask it to be reduced to a judgement - saves time trying to collect for when you need to levy his paychecks).

Why haven't you filed yet?

Who has the child you two had together?

time for you to stop blaming him for your situation. Pull yourself up by your bootstraps and start being a strong woman. You saw the red flags and let them go. We all make mistakes, don't knock yourself out over it.

Have you spoken to your mortgage company? If the foreclosure hasn't happened,  you have time in the house still.

Get in the court asap and get him ordered to take care of his responsibilities. Meanwhile, you need to do what you can to strengthen your life. You can't get an apt., go live back at home or with a friend or relative for a while when you can no longer stay in the house.

Make plans to move ahead. Not backwards.

Have you considered filing for bankruptcy?

You have a lot of options, exercise them.

You know the court has a advocate or pro-se office to help you along.

Get moving on getting him behind you!

Our thoughts, prayers, and support is with you.

[georgia]

Well, when I sued this site it was for his custody they were already divorced.  Now, I'm searching for answers on divorce, how weird it feels.

I have not filed yet, because I want to make sure I have the knowledge to do so.  

The child we have together lives with me and he sees her every other weekend and I see his kids every other weekend as well.  

I am pulling myself up, it's just an very uphill battle, and I just need some help on how to get him to be responsible for the bills he left behind at least for half.  

I have spoken to the mortgage company and they are trying to work with me, but because my credit is so bad now there is limited things to try.

He has his own business so he can say that he doesn't have any money. So he doesn't get a paycheck.  He is currently living with his mom, so i know his expenses can't be much.  I'm just wondering what I need to prove to the judge that he should be held responsible for what he left behind.  If he has money to spend on his current girlfriend and get a cabin in the mountains then he most certainly must have some cash around.  

I can not file for bankruptcy because I filed a few years ago.  

I did not know about the advocate I will look into that, Thanks.

 

[notnew]

You don't need to think the whole thing through now.

File for divorce for adultery and abandonment.

Ask that he be responsible for the house, car note, CS, alimony, etc. You can ask for everything and see what you end up with.

The mortgage company wants to keep you in the house and paying for it. They will put a lot of pressure on you. Dont' let them scare you. Even if they foreclose, you still have months left in the house and the foreslosure itself takes a few months.

The documents you need to prove his income. Did he take all of the financial paperwork? That will be requested in discovery.

I think you can get an attorney and request he pay the fees.

Do you have proof he fooled around on you?

If you have joint accounts, get copies of past statements that you don't have and then close them or remove your name immediately.

He can say he doesn't have any money, but you can impute that based on what he was making and able to afford to pay for before he left/messed up finances. That is down the road.

Just get the divorce filed for now so you can get an order in place requiring him to be responsible for bills, etc. You can worry about getting all the details, hows and whys figured out after filing.

He is still married to you - that is proof of his responsibility.

Good luck. I know this is hard for you.

[georgia]

Yes, he took all the finacial paperwork with him.  We have a joint account and for months it kept on incurring nsf fees and he refused to pay that as well.  Now that I am getting a paycheck and I had my paycheck automatically deposited into my own account but at the same bank they were trying to take the money out of my account to pay for that one.  I have since changed my direct deposit to another bank out of state. And I can't close that one we had together until I pay all the fees, which is ironic, because it was never set up as a joint account, but it became one when one bank bought out the other.

As far as proof of fooling around, I don't have pictures or anything like that, but I guess in a couple of weeks I can go to the cabin he rented with his girlfriend and take pictures then.

I'm still working on trying to get an attorney who will work with me on that.

Thanks I need all the luck I can get.