For Mixed Bag

[notnew]

Hey, you are still in MD right?

I see you are a trained mediator. What kind of training is required for that and are you making any money from it?

Where do you conduct your mediation sessions?

I've been involved in this mess for so long, I've developed quite an interest in it (sick huh?) and becoming a lawyer is out of the question. I have been thinking of coming up with some type of side thing to do in addition to my full time gig that will allow me to write off some of my living expenses (home office, etc.).  However, I'd like to do something that I can control the time I put into and this seems like an ideal situation.

What's your POV on that?

[mistoffolees]

>I see you are a trained mediator. What kind of training is
>required for that and are you making any money from it?

I can't answer the rest of the questions, but my mediator is a retired judge and he makes $250 per hour. Of course, you have to take office space out of that (keep in mind that you're going to need at least 2 different meeting rooms so you can separate the parties).

[MixedBag]

I'm in Alabama, and each state has different requirements to become a mediator.  I could look up MD requirements, but I'd have to go unpack my books.

Being involved in divorce issues (two of mine and one of his) as you call it is what motivated me to get the training.  I am/was hoping to help parents un-couple and to never see any other children go through what my step-kids and my son have seen.  

I found a conference room here locally that I can rent for mediation sessions.  I also have a free law library available down at the county courthouse and the possibility of using the classrooms at the church.

I thought too it would be a wonderful addition to everything I already have going.  And yes, in our area, mediators charge about $150 per hour.

BUT -- getting started and finding clients is a whole 'nother story.  In AL, if you are an attorney, social worker, or psychologist, you can pay the fee and immediately get listed in the directory.  BUT I'm not professionally any one of those.  I have just as much education, but in a different field.  So for me to get listed, I have to mediate 10 cases, submit that information to the state, and THEN I can get listed.  Anyone can be a mediator in the state really, the catch becomes getting the clients.

Shortly after I finished my training, divorce #3 hit me....and that has made me step back and think....."Where in the world did I go wrong?"

AND how can I mediate/help other divorcing couples, when I can't seem to get it right myself.  So emotionally, I can't do it.  I can't stay neutral totally.  Step-kids were the main subject of the divorce, followed by him having an extra ear to lean on that probably said "Oh you're so right, and she's so wrong"....so the grass looked greener on the other side (but it was filled with weeds he didn't see), and therefore we never got in front of a professional to help us.  His professional was a her....

I disappeared off this board for a while last summer....and won't give advice on "love and marriage" -- because I haven't figured that one out yet.  Maybe I never will, who knows.

I do believe in the fact that children need both parents, and (unfortunately), have seen, or been in, too many court battles, so I feel like I can give help there.

As time goes by, (and I keep finding out how he's goofing up is life), I feel better about my position about step-kids and that I was not 100% wrong....maybe a bit wrong, but not enough for him to stray and get justified from another woman like that.  I on the other hand have landed on my feet, and I'm happy.  

So I just gotta give it some more time.....and THEN we'll see about truly firing up the mediation business.  The Lady who did our training also had "emotional baggage/previous divorces" so I know with time, I'll get there.

[notnew]

I remember later that you weren't in MD - you e-mailed me once a long time ago that you were attending a craft show in Frederick.

We were going to try to meet then, but it didn't pan out.

Thanks for the input though. I will mull it over and look into the requirements here. Just wondering how it worked out for you. I still think I may be interested.

Thanks again!

[Sunshine1]

Do you get credit for cases you have helped with?  Can outside people write letters for you to get you going?  I have checked into going to school to be a paralegal.  They allowed for some credits to be skipped if you had already had a job in the field or you could get letters of recommendation, or "life credits".  Well they had determined I would have been able to skip the entire family court section of the course if that was the case.  The only thing that was left was tax law, and stuff I have absolutely no interest in.  

I can write up just about any motion and or parenting plan you want me to, but getting to the big show is not my thing.  I would LOVE to be a lawyer, but I really don't see that in my future.  I think there are enough! LOL!  I too thought being a mediator or a custody evaluator would be more my thing so I could really focus on the kids and make sure they got what they needed.  

Our evaluator was a fan of "surprise visits"  I absolutely loved her!  She caught BM doing all kinds of stuff that we tried to tell her but when you see it with your own eyes, totally a different story.  We were very fortunate to get an evaluator who gave a crap about the kids.  I always wanted her job, because she was very good at it, back logged, and made ALOT of money on her schedule.  She also let us call her whenever we needed to tell her something, and I remember she was out fishing one day and taking notes in her boat!  That always stuck with me.

I know clients are not hard to find here but getting ripped to shredds up on the stand would be my problem because I do not have that much schooling, but expereince, now that is something we do not run short on around here. I am in MN

[MixedBag]

I'm not sure our area uses custody evaluators.

CASAs were used in Shelby County (bit north of me).

I have an idea on how to get it going, but my heart's not into it right now.

Mediators can not testify in court.  It's against the rules.

AND Mediators have to be very careful not to practice law (by accident).  See, they gave us the example of child support.  There is a form here in AL that is used, and a mediator can't even fill out the form and say "THIS" is what Child Support will be.  BUT we can fill out a sheet of paper that looks just like the form (with no official form number on it), and say the same thing.  

At the end of the day, I can mediate anything or any situation, even stuff that's not family law -- because a mediator is concerned aobut getting the two sides to talk and come to an agreement.

BTW -- I'm sure these posts are being printed off (still) and that a bunch of trees just died needlessly.

[notnew]

I thought about it too - the paralegal thing. However, the pay isn't any more then I am making now so it's not worth the effort.

I've thought of the lawyer thing too, but I believe I'd get too emotionally involved. So, mediator seems to be the logical choice!

I'm going to seriously look into it because with prices of everything getting so damned high, I need a second income to make it anymore!

[Davy]

I've read many of your posts over the years and view you as a valuable contributor on this site.  

Perhaps you could begin your endeavors as a family coach independent of the judicial system.  Color outside the box ... sort of an unofficial
' friend of the court' ... as a business endeavor.  One should be mindful of personal safety and security.

I think when one begins gathering licences and other credentials demanded by the government they stand a strong chance of partnering with a sytem basically depleted of any sense of humanity or decency and defy the purpose of their very existence.





Don't tell their mother her sons are pastors.  She thinks they take turns playing the piano in a whore house.  

[mistoffolees]

>I've thought of the lawyer thing too, but I believe I'd get
>too emotionally involved. So, mediator seems to be the logical
>choice!
>

Well, you might find that mediation can also be hard to stay neutral for. When you get one side that's completely unreasonable, a mediator is undoubtedly tempted to reach across the table, grab them by the throat and shake sometimes, too.

Of course, there's generally only a limited amount of time with them so there IS less time to become emotionally involved, so it's probably better than being a lawyer, but even the best mediators probably struggle with neutrality at times.

[notnew]

Well thank you.

Well, I don't care for the thought of partnering with the "system" that is in place. Makes me feel slimy! LOL

Just an idea to make a little money and hopefully be able to steer at least a few parting couples in a better direction before things get too nasty.

We all know how most lawyers behave in these matters. The more bickering, the more money in their pockets. It seems nothing else matters.

While the lawyer option is attractive, I have too many obligations and schools are a commute for me along with $$$ to fund the venture. I think mediation is the easier route and probably where I'd be most effective for others and myself. My goal would be to keep things out of the court as much as possible. Not always profitable for a lawyer you know. I realize not everyone will cooperate and most likely most people will end up in court, but I think I could use my experiences to develop an approach that MAY help to head off some problems/issues. Who knows, maybe it's a pipe dream.

I just think there has to be a way to make some type of difference. I know I cannot have any impact on my own court case at this point, but have learned many lessons along the way. It is so much easier to get things settled out as early as possible without involving the courts and lawyers. After you get all tied up in that, the claws come out and orders that oblige you to crazy stuff and restrict your time with your kid, takes parenting powers, gives control to crazy people, there's just too much to sort through to get to the real issues anymore.

It's still in the planning phases so it may not even happen, just researching for now.

Thanks for all of the support though!