Judge denies divorce, says ''Adultery not enough''

[SLYarnell]

your ex'es do not make all "bad husbands" "bad fathers"

I am oh so glad you are not a judge sitting on a bench somewhere deciding the fate of someones children...

[grazer]

This is exactly what happened to me during my divorce. My ex was having mutiple adulterous affairs. I found out and ex agreed to never do it again and I agreed to go to martial couseling. We attended family and marriage couseling for 1.5 years. We continued to have sex. Found out that ex was still having affair. Ex filed for divorce, before I could, knowing that the spouse that files for divorce first usually has an advantange.

Ex and ex's attorney proposed a very un-realistic divorce settelement. I counter proposed what I believe to be what the court would grant in the form of settlement. My ex's attorney very nastly and threatened in a return letter to my proposal for settlement, "I wish for you to be aware of Supreme Court ruling xyz that states that audltery does not automatically allow a spouse to not pay alimony to a spouse that committs adultery".

In other words what ex's attorney was threatening, agree to our un-realist divorce settlement or we will file for alimony also and probably be granted it. Even though I had done nothing wrong in the course of the marriage and my ex had mutiple affairs.

Sounds to unreal to be true. But upon my attorney and other attorney's advice, I found that Suprem Court ruling to be exactly as ex's attorney had threatened. So I had fight thru the court system for a reasonable/equitable divorce settlement. Which my ex and her attorney dragged out for over 2yrs.

So this story that Brent has posted, doesn't only apply to the victim being female and the adulteror being male!!

[StPaulieGirl]

So this story that Brent has posted, doesn't only apply to the victim being female and the adulteror being male!!

You are so right.  You have to pay this woman alimony?  Talk about getting your nose rubbed in it.  You didn't mention if you have children.   Did she get them too?  I do want to say that you did the right thing by trying to save your marriage.  

The road to hell is paved with good intentions.  Family law is a dark, sinister place, as we all know.

[StPaulieGirl]

Lol, I think I'm a little more objective than some of the judges some of you folks encounter.

This is not just based on my personal experience with my ex when we were married, but the hijinx he's been pulling for the last several years regarding the court order, and his personal behavior during his  visitation.  He is special, therefore he demands special treatment.  He's never met a rule he didn't try and break.

I am also personally aquainted with many guys who get screwed by their ex wives and gf's who are of the same ilk as my ex.  You see, it's not gender...it's the inherent personality traits of the wrongdoing party.  When you call him/her on their behavior, the first thing they are compelled to do is to strike back.  It's your fault that you caught them doing whatever.  They are dangerous people.  They can snow practically anyone.  Especially burned out judges...

Let me comment on your remark about "bad husbands, bad fathers".  I thought I had made my comments non gender specific.  Obviously I failed to imply my objectivity about this particular scenario.  My apologies....  

[grazer]

No I did not have to end up paying alimony. I took my case thru the court system, and ex and her attorney retracted their threat to ask for alimony. Don't know if they had asked for it, they would have gotten it from a judge or not. But the threat of asking for alimony on top of 20% of adjusted gross income for child support. Had me very scared! If ex would have been awarded 20% of my income for child support and then been awarded alimony, I would have been paying my ex wife almost a 33% of my monthly income and would have left me with very little to live off of.

Yes my ex was awarded custody. In my state women are awarded custody over 80% of the time. And for a woman in my state not to be awarded custody, the woman must either be in prison or not want custody or some other very drastic reason.

[StPaulieGirl]

She doesn't deserve alimony, and I'm glad she didn't get it.  I know a couple of guys who live on people's couches because of the amount of support they pay.

There needs to be a complete overhaul of the family(the whole entire)court system.  It's rotten and corrupt from top to bottom.

Don't worry.  Like my friend says, they'll be 18 soon enough.