visitation help

[kitten]

Hi Soc.
CA.
Skids live in AK with bm, Dad lives in CA.  Co states kids will fly down during spring break for visitation.  Parents will split cost of the tickets.  Bm refuses to speak w/ Dad AT ALL.  They have not had a single word between them since she moved in Jan.  8 year old told Dad they are flying down on March 17th, but since bm will not speak to Dad, he has no idea what the itinerary is.  Dad has tried to discuss this with his attorney, she only said to record the call.  He did call bm today, told her call wasx being recorded and that he needs to speak w/ her about visit.  She told him to call her back in 5 min. and hung up on him.
His attorney will not return his call, he plans to fire the attorney ASAP since she has done nothing but drain him fiancially.  He will have to go pro se.

1.  Is bm in contempt for not cooperating?  
2.  What does he do if he gets no info by the 17th?

[socrateaser]

>1.  Is bm in contempt for not cooperating?  

Can you prove regular and routine frustration of communications between you and the other parent?

>2.  What does he do if he gets no info by the 17th?

Send a letter certified mail, return receipt, NOW, stating that you have been unsuccessful at contacting her by fone (and write down all of the dates and times that you tried), and that you are confirming the location, date, time, airline flight #, etc., that you expect transfer of the child to occur (look up prospective flights and choose an appropriate flight that has seats available on the date of the letter). State that unless you receive written correspondence to the contrary, no later than two days prior to the pick up date/time, that you will assume that she agrees with your itinerary as provided.

Do not threaten contempt -- you'll just make things more adversarial than they already are. But, if she doesn' show up when she's supposed to, then you will have evidence that can be used to file a contempt motion.

[DecentDad]

Soc,

Just in case the mom in this case is similar to mom in my case.

You frequently recommend sending things certified mail.  My ex, in the past, has refused certified mail from me, and it comes back to me.

What if it's refused?

[kitten]

>Soc,
>
>Just in case the mom in this case is similar to mom in my
>case.
>
>You frequently recommend sending things certified mail.  My
>ex, in the past, has refused certified mail from me, and it
>comes back to me.
>
>What if it's refused?

Good question.  We only have a PO box for her since they live in the middle of nowhere.  

PS: Thanks for your response.

[socrateaser]

>>Soc,
>>
>>Just in case the mom in this case is similar to mom in my
>>case.
>>
>>You frequently recommend sending things certified mail.  My
>>ex, in the past, has refused certified mail from me, and it
>>comes back to me.
>>
>>What if it's refused?

You can send certified mail, no return receipt and then print the delivery receipt from //www.usps.com. Have a neutral third party stuff the envelope and sign a certificate of service by mail. Then, if the recipient says I didn't get it, you can show the delivery receipt and the service by mail cert and the court will accept your evidence.

[DecentDad]

Hi,

Thanks, that's actually what I ended up doing, but using "Delivery Confirmation" service, not Certified Mail.

Certified mail, regardless of return receipt, requires a signature.  That's why certified mail would get returned... she simply refused to sign for it.

Delivery confirmation is available for USPS Priority Mail (a couple bucks more, due to cost of Priority Mail).  At time of mailing, you get a postmarked receipt for the article mailed to addressee.  Then, you can go online at //www.usps.gov and get the delivery date/time via the tracking number.

My wife likewise fills out a proof of service by mail.  Just for extra solid evidence of proper service (if ever needed), she uses her credit card to pay for the mailing... i.e., showing that only she was the one who could have mailed it.

DD

[kitten]

Thanks to both of you!

[socrateaser]

Certified mail does NOT require a signature confirmation. Certified mail places a tracking number on the envelope that the delivery person confirms to the USPS certified mail computer database at the time of delivery to the address displayed on the envelope.

The delivery confirmation for certified mail can be obtained at:

http://www.usps.com/shipping/trackandconfirm.htm?from=home&page=0035trackandconfirm

[DecentDad]

I'm hearing what you're saying, Soc, but it was my experience that the items I sent in the past Certified were returned to me unclaimed (i.e., my post office told me it meant that addressee refused to sign).

Delivery confirmation works very similarly, just no signature needed.

Maybe we're just talking semantics at this point.  

Here's description of Certified Mail (i.e., note that signature is obtained upon delivery)... http://www.usps.com/send/waystosendmail/extraservices/certifiedmailservice.htm)

:)

[socrateaser]

...but, being wrong has its benefits. I get to learn something new.

I thought that unless you requested a return receipt, that the delivery person would not require a signature on certified mail. But, according to the USPS Domestic Mail Manual, all certified mail is delivered contingent upon obtaining a signature from the recipient, including mail to a P.O. Box, which can be refused, AFTER delivery, by marking "refused" on the envelope.

So, you're right -- only a "delivery confirmation" will get your mail delivered regardless of a refusal.

However, the act of refusing properly addressed certified mail, when it is obvious who the letter is from, would probably be viewed as evidence of contempt by the court, because a person cannot deliberately avoid obtaining knowledge of something that they reasonably should have and could have known, had they not acted to avoid knowing.

Anyway, thanks for the argument.

[kitten]

Huh?  LOL!  Thanks, the argument answered a couple of other ?'s I had.

[Troubledmom]

An interesting experience reagarding delivering items in an envelope when you need "evidence" of delivery:

UPS delivers envelopes, you are provided tracking information and can recieve proof of delivery. And how often do you ever see someone hide from that big brown truck?

It was very effective in a friends fight to show he was attempting to contact his child until Mom caught on and actually starting refusing packages from UPS. Which went to show the cusotdial parents frustration of contact.

Just an experience I thought I would share....

TM

[kitten]

Hmmmm....
Thank you for sharing.  UPS does deliver letters too.  

[TPK]

My NJ attorney initially used UPS to serve wife at her "hide-out" location.

UPS showed a delivery to her on a tracking # and someone with my last name had signed for it.

Sounds like a lock right?

Well, NJ judge did NOT accept this as service mainly because UPS couldn't verify is was actually my wife who signed it.

I'm not even sure USPS could verify a signature unless some handwriting expert was used to determine if it actually was the recipient's signature or a forging.

I had sent some certified letters with signature required and they were all refused or left at the Post Office and returned not deliverable.

Next time around I sent delivery confirmation Priority Mail and was able to at least show it was delivered.

Just my 2 cents

TPK

[socrateaser]

There are different requirements for personal service. The purpose of having definite and certain proof that a person is served with notice of a new action pending, is so that there can be no dispute later that the person was given notice of the legal action pending against them and opportunity to appear and defend. This is the absolute requirement of Constitutional "Due Process of Law," to which we are all entitled.

However, a letter notifying a person who is ALREADY served and a party to a case does not require the same level of certainty. A parent who has a legal obligation to remain in contact with the other parent, with whom that parent shares custodial rights and responsibilities, knows that correspondence is a real probability, and in a circumstance where a court order instructs that a transfer of the child will occur on a specific date, that parent should be EXPECTING to receive correspondence.

So, a certified letter displaying the address of the OTHER PARENT that is rejected in order to allow the recipient to feign lack of notice or knowledge of the correspondence is not only unreasonable -- it is absolute contempt for the court's orders and the legal process in general.

Which is why I suggest that sending this particular letter certified mail is really all that is necessary.