Church vs no Church re GAL

[ArkStepMom]

Morning Soc;

Oour hearing on April 11 was continued b/c of BM last minute hire of an attorney.  We are waiting on a new hearing date but in the mean time have some insight as to how opposing intends to counter our motion for custody mod (reversal).  Most of our claims pertain to stability and child neglect.  BM has attended church since notice and has even scheduled 8y/o daughter for Baptism. Given BM history of frivilous behaviour we expect this to stop after hearing! We expect that among other items, that BM will bring issue with our not attending church. We have Child every 1st and third weekend 7 Friday - 7 Sunday. We meet 2 hours away at a half way point.
BM, anticipating Ad Litem interview, has begun overhauling her world ie: BM w/child have moved, temporarily to her brothers while they paint their entire house, among other things

1) How do you feel an Ad Litem will react to this church vs no-church issue?
2) Would these modifications at the BM house, with interview pending, play a roll in Ad Litem report?

Thanks Soc

[socrateaser]

>1) How do you feel an Ad Litem will react to this church vs
>no-church issue?

How a think any average GAL is likely to think is irrelevant. What matters is how the GAL in YOUR case thinks. The case is in AR -- not exactly a bastion of atheism. So, it's likely that your GAL will have some religious background -- same goes for your judge. So, while they should not put much weight on this issue for Constitutional reasons, they probably will. How much? I have no idea.

>2) Would these modifications at the BM house, with interview
>pending, play a roll in Ad Litem report?

You make a mistake if you do not take the high road. The typical person will try to tell the GAL what's wrong with the other parent. You should tell the GAL what's right with you, and then state that you want what's best for the child, regardless of whether or not the GAL favors you.

I wouldn't advance negatives about the other parent unless I were specifically asked, and even then, I wouldn't unload my frustrations. I'd just tell the GAL something like, "Well, the other parent frustrates me sometimes because I don't really think that he/she has the best interests of the child in mind, when he/she does X."

The object is to ALWAYS put everything in terms of what's best for the child, and to NEVER appear hostile towards the other parent. You want to be concerned for the child's welfare, and bewildered as to why the other parent does X, because this activity seems to hurt the child.

In short, it's all about the kid(s), and not about you or the other parent. You want to act like if the GAL recommended that the other parent be given sole custody, that you would be happy for the child, as long as it was in the child's best interests.

The GAL will pick up on your devotion to the child, and, if the other parent bad mouths you, the GAL will see the other parent as hostile to you, and that is the best place to be -- you care about the kid and the other parent -- the other parent hates your guts for caring about the other parent and the kid. Get it?

Keep smiling.

[TPK]

I had our 1 y o daughter baptized a few weeks back......without wife's knowledge. She has refused to have her baptized for whatever reasons. I don't intend to mention this to wife anytime soon.

1. Could I get in any trouble for doing this behind her back??

2. Keep my mouth shut on this???


Thanks

TPK

[ArkStepMom]

  We are not against religion at all, just find other uses for our Sunday while the childs is with us...one, her father works on Sundays (always has) and two, that leaves me (step-mom) to take her to church, the least of which ...I'm not Mormon which is what BM is and I assume child would be too)...Instead of a bike ride or rollarskating as we like to do!  I think BM would flip out if I took her to a Lutheran church with me to be frank!!

1) Any insight as to how to smooth the whole non church thing over with the GAL.

[socrateaser]

>  We are not against religion at all, just find other uses
>for our Sunday while the childs is with us...one, her father
>works on Sundays (always has) and two, that leaves me
>(step-mom) to take her to church, the least of which ...I'm
>not Mormon which is what BM is and I assume child would be
>too)...Instead of a bike ride or rollarskating as we like to
>do!  I think BM would flip out if I took her to a Lutheran
>church with me to be frank!!
>
>1) Any insight as to how to smooth the whole non church thing
>over with the GAL.

Don't bring it up. It's really none of the GAL's business whether you attend church, but if you're asked, just say something like, "Our family likes to keep our faith personal. But, if the other parent wants the child to attend church during her parenting time, we would encourage it."

[socrateaser]

>I had our 1 y o daughter baptized a few weeks
>back......without wife's knowledge. She has refused to have
>her baptized for whatever reasons. I don't intend to mention
>this to wife anytime soon.
>
>1. Could I get in any trouble for doing this behind her
>back??

Freedom of religion still exists in the U.S. (for, how much longer, I don't, know, but at the moment, this is a non-issue).

>
>2. Keep my mouth shut on this???

Probably. Whose business is it, anyway? If someone brings it up, you can say, "Oh, yes!" And, then just smile, and, more than likely the other person will realize that anything they might say next will probably sound prejudiced.