Prental rights

[sparrowmom]

Hello & thank you to all that take time to read this.. I am unsure of the proper board to post on & apologize if I have chosen poorly.  I am seeking some honest input &  apologize if this turns lengthy.. Please take note that although I am Female (& MOM) everything that I write is factual & accurate.
    I am seeking input in regards to terminating the rights of my childs father. Here is my story.........

     I am a Mom of a "Pre-teen"  (I prefer not to disclose the gender & age of child at this time for the sake of protection) I will now refer to the child as "K"...  

      K has not had any contact with father in 9 or so yrs,  We were never married & the relationship was one of physical abuse directed at me. The abuse was extreme & I was not his 1st, 2nd, but his third documented victim of abuse. We were together for 3yrs, 2 ½ were spent with my trying to get away. During out time together father was arrested at least 4times for DV. Although RO were ordered I am ashamed to admit that he was never convicted. Once due to my stupidity believing he would change........  The rest dropped because of his threats & my fears for the life of my children & myself...  
   (Being stalked & forced into your abusers car while he holds up his newly acquired handgun ((357)) ( his relative traded for something) will do wonders!!!   In fact, my sudden "amnesia" caused the Judge to threaten me with contempt. I found out that day that the person that claimed to love me & would do anything to keep me, was on probation for beating his ex-wife & faced 5yrs Prison time...  Sadly.... That was only the First time I attempted to leave him............
   I will now ""Fast Forward"" in order to keep this brief....  I finally was able to get away from K's father while he was still in diapers....  This man did continue to stalk me for almost a year after I left, traveling 100 mi to do so....   He attempted to run me off the road by car, (documented by Sherrif Dept)  Kidnaped me several times from work, (Also documented & witnessed by LE & employers)  Planned to take my life in a manner that someone in his circle of friends got away with. This hinged upon a camping trip that I refused to participate in &  once again I hid from him..  "too long & complicated to post"
 
   During the time I was running from K's Father, I was blessed to find an incredible man who not only loved my children but was able to Telerate my situation & help shield me from the abuse of K's father.  He took us in knowing that every day with us during that time needed to be on the lookout & fear of K's father showing up with deadly intent...

    The states attorney was involved, & I was actually told that my hesitation to prosecute K's father because of fear would hurt everyone.. I understand now that he was right....  Because of my fear, I live in fear of the possibility of K's Father showing up at my door...  

    The last contact K had with father was around 9yrs ago.   That contact could be considered some type of kidnaping case. K's father took my child & hid....    back then the laws were diffent & DV & RO's were not taken as seriously as they are today.. LE would not help me get K back as no "official Court doc was in place & never married meant no legal custody" the Legal hands were tied....   I was lucky enough to find that my child was left with the fathers Mother & I left work to go get K with my SO. That was the last contact.....   9yrs ago.......

    I must add that K's father has more children.... 2 of one gender which he has contact with & supports....  (they are of high school age & 1 has graduated) His first is if the same gender as K & I the oldest, (not a child of 2nd wife) & has never had any contact with during childs life...  

   My question is this............    Is there any reason K's fathers rights should Not be terminated????  

[socrateaser]

>   My question is this............    Is there any reason K's
>fathers rights should Not be terminated????  

The right to custody of one's minor child is fundamental and protected by the 14th Amendment Due Process Clause of the U.S. Constitution. Courts must hold a parental rights termination hearing and the burden is on the Petitioner to show by clear and convincing that the Respondent parent's rights should be terminated.

The State has a "compelling interest" in a minor child health and welfare, because children are the "future" of the State, and where such an interest exists, the State may terminate a parent's rights to custody by narrowly tailoring a solution to effect the State's interest.

Your facts state that the father has not been in the child's life for over nine years, and it implies that he has neither paid nor been actively involved in the child's support. This fact is offset by your statements that you have actively sought to avoid any contact with the father, who could reasonably argue that it is you who has made his exercise of parenting impossible, and not him.

On the other hand, you can argue that if the father really wanted to have a meaningful relationship with the child, then he would have made every possible effort to be involved and to submit to whatever requirements neccessary, and that he would have filed legal actions to protect his interests.

The court would balance these arguments and attempt to determine the child's best interests. Assuming that you have credible proof that the father was extremely abusive, then this would mitigate your reasons for hiding, however, proof to the court is more than just your personal testimony. The court will want something more objective, from third parties, such as police reports, judgments of criminal liability for domestic or other violence, etc. If such evidence exists, this would weigh in your favor.

As a matter of process, the father is entitled to notice reasonably calculated under all of the circumstances to apprise him of a pending legal action and a meaningful opportunity to appear and defend. You could arrange for the court to not reveal your contact information, but there is almost no possibility that the father and you will not be in the courtroom at the same time and date. This means that the father could follow you and discover your place of residence.

The father may choose to not contest the termination, if he believes that he will not be subjected to pay child support, especially if he has no particular emotional connection with you or the child anymore. Many biological fathers would think that a parental rights termination was a gift from God -- obviously many fathers would consider the same possibility an act of Satan. So, it really depends on the father of your child and his particular state of mind.

However, if the father doesn't contest the termination, then that would also weigh in your favor.

Finally, there is the obsticle of money -- the court is disinclined to release a parent from his/her parental rights, because the termination simultaneously cuts off the parent's duty to support the child. This places a risk on the child of only being supported by one parent. Your argument is that this has been the case for the past nine + years, so the fact that the other parent hasn't contributed is not a burden on the public. However, if you have been receiving public assistance for the past nine years, then your argument will be quickly rebutted by your own actions, because but for the father's failure to provide financial support, you may not have required the taxpayers to carry the support burden.

If there were a third party, such as a stepparent who was willing to legal adopt the child and accept the duty of support, then this would heavily weigh in favor of a termination. Without the third party, the court must consider more carefully the issue of public assistance and whether the biological father can be reasonably compelled to labor to reimburse the State for any assistance already provided, and to pay support to you in the future.

If the biological father has very few resources to pay, then this would be in your favor, because the State would be unlikely to receive any reimbursement and you, unlikely to ever receive any sigificant financial support.

I don't have all the facts, so I'm arguing all the possibilities, here. Don't infer that I have an opinion about whether your wishes are good or bad, because without all the facts, I wouldn't venture a judgment either way. And even with the facts, I am not a person who reaches judgment about other people's motives for their actions. I prefer to deal with problems as if they exist absent any consideration of what is "right" or "wrong," and instead, I merely concentrate on what society has deemed "lawful" or "unlawful."

In conclusion, I think you have a fairly strong case for termination, based on the facts you have posted here. It is not, however, an overwhelming case, and it could be soundly defeated if the father proves to the court that your hiding has been unreasonable.

As a practical matter, you are unlikely to achieve a parental termination without a lawyer's assistance. I strognly suggest that you get some counsel from a local attorney with experience in this area of law and especially with experience in the courthouse of the county in which you intend to file the termination petition. The attorney should know the judges and how they are likely to rule in situtations such as this, which is a good means for you to weigh your chance of success.

One more thing. in the future, please post according to the mandatory guidelines, or I won't respond again. The guidelines are designed to make it possible for me to respond to the maximum number of posters with the most useful advice, so don't consider this a scolding.

And, for the record, just becuase you are "female," and the "MOTHER," doesn't mean that I or anyone else thinks badly of you. It takes two to tango, so everyone is at least one half responsible for their child's existence. Therefore, you and the "FATHER" are equally entitled to respect and equally obligated to act in your child's best interests.

I don't take sides, and I don't let anyone else do so in this forum. So, you have nothing to fear from your posting, other than the fear of not getting the legal answer you were hoping for.

Good luck.

[Mrs_Manda]

I just have a couple questions.

Im married to a wonderful man with 3 children from a previous marriage that live with us .he has custody and she is supposed to have them every other weekend and and hour on wednesdays  and its supposed to be supervised because she had a problem with drugs when they got divorced. well when i met him she had the oldest b/c she said she wanted to live with her and my husband thought she had cleaned up so then he had two and we started taking them to see her again but she didn't have a supervisor ( i didnt know at the time she was supposed to) anyway that went on from march to the beginning of august when school started and the oldest wanted to come live with us  about a month went by and we didnt hear anything from their real mother and around the same time we were letting the girls sleep together till we could buy a new bed for the oldest  and  thats when we caught them doing "things" to each other  anyway we took them to a specialist and their mother is currently under investigation for sexual abuse. their counselor told us that if she did call or come by to tell her we have plans with the kids or make an excuse but not to tell her that she couldnt see the kids. seven and a half months and 3 holidays and two of their birthdays have passed since she has had any contact with them or us  and its been about 3 years without child support . my husband is wanting to pursue termination of her parental rights  and i am willing to adopt them  but we dont know how to go about either one of those things or what the law in oklahoma is on what the grounds are for terminating parental rights,or if there is even any chance of making a case against her and getting this done.


can  anyone please offer me any advice or information on laws in oklahoma  ?

[MixedBag]

None of us here are attorneys that can really point you in the right direction for OK laws.

BTW -- you grabbed an old post and then hit "reply" to post your question.....

Stick around because the folks on this site will help you (as step-mom too) deal with the divorce situation and the kids and their mom and all the stuff that revolves around that.