What rights does a Step-parent have?

[babymaggiemae]

I have been divorced for 2 years and we have a 5 year old daughter together.  I am the CP and we have joint custody for major decisions. We live in TN and the divorce was handled here also. He has remarried this past year and there have been several problems.

He does not come and pick up his daughter according to the parenting plan, every other weekend, or call her during the week.  As of today he has not spoke or seen her since Christmas day.  Ever since his wedding I have been told that I need to speak to his wife about things concerning our daughter and instead of him coming to pick her up, the limited times that this happens, I was informed that she would be doing this.

The last time my daughter spent the night, he called the police on his wife for DV.  No call was made to me and neither was taken to jail.  The next day the wife called and told me about the agruement, but left off the fact that the police were called.  My daughter came home and told me.

Now, he has been put in the hospital and there has not been any call from her letting his daughter know.  I work at the hospital and found out while doing my job, and due to HIPPA I cannot tell her nor do I think I should as it has been requested by the wife that we not come.  

I do not think that he would hurt our daughter, but I do know that things are getting worse between him and his wife and I think our daughter could just be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  

What legal rights does she have with my child?
What could be done about the DV and vistation with daughter?

I have no idea what to do and nothing seems to help, the only one getting hurt is my daughter!

[socrateaser]

>What legal rights does she have with my child?

SM has no personal rights in the minor child, however, the father can still exercise parenting according to the order, and delegate his authority to the SM, which means that if the father directs his wife to pick up the child, then you would be legally obligated to transfer the child into her care.

>What could be done about the DV and vistation with daughter?

You need to go to the court and get a temporary order restraining the father from delegating any parenting authority to the SM, and ordering that the SM cannot be withing 300' of the child, on grounds that the SM is demonstrably physically violent and could reasonably cause irreparable injury to the child.

And, frankly, the other parent should be willing to stipulate to such an order in the child's interest, because his spouse is apparently a serious danger to the child -- and to the father.

[babymaggiemae]

Thank you for your reply.  Couple more questions.

Should I wait till he is out of the hosiptal?

Can I speak to the DA and have this done or do I need to get a lawyer handle this?

[socrateaser]

>Thank you for your reply.  Couple more questions.
>
>Should I wait till he is out of the hosiptal?

That's up to you. I don't know the father's mental state or ability to put the child's interests ahead of his own. But, it seems like he's kind of a whimp or he wouldn't be in this relationship, which means that you may actually have more influence on him while he's still in pain.

Just don't threaten him with legal action if you don't get what you want. Tell him you're afraid and you want some help keeping the child safe.

>Can I speak to the DA and have this done or do I need to get a
>lawyer handle this?

If there are criminal charges filed, then you could ask the DA to ask the criminal judge to issue a restraining order, and you may get a sympathetic ear and some free legal aid. If not, then you'll probably need an attorney, unless the father agrees to go along -- and then you'll still probably need an attorney to draw up the papers unless your local courthouse has a facillitator who is hired to help in these sorts of cases.

[Sunshine1]

This exact thing happened to us over the summer and most of 2004.  Things needed to get severely out of hand for a judge to finally listen.

SM is extremely violent, and beats on herself, and EX and threatens my children. But as far as I know has never laid a hand on them.  I went back to court 3 or 4 times trying to make sure that she was never left alone with them.  EX thought there was nothing wrong at all with her until he found out she was bi-polar and she had concealed it from him.

Well since finding that out I did a police report search on her at her previous addresses and her new one and came across some very shocking information.  Just last year alone she had attempted suicide over 45 times, previous marriage and previous address showed calls from co-workers, neighbors, parents about violence, suicide, disappearing for days a time etc etc...  The list was very long.

She is heavily medicated too, some of which our son takes the same meds for except for seizures, well she started playing doctor,and leaving me horrible voicemails and finally the judge said she is not allowed to be alone with these kids EVER.

Ex can not leave children in her care for any amount of time EVER.  He also lost his 50 legal medical due to her med tampering..long story short, you should do your homework on her to help your case or I am afraid you might not get heard.  One or two offenses, judges don't like to cut out the step-parent if they can help it.

We haven't seen Ex or SM since the last trial either.  It was too hard for him to not let the kids be alone with her???????????  So they are going on 6 months of no contact from him by his choice.  My intent was to keep them safe while they were with their Dad, not to take him out of the picture. He decided it was just easier to deal with her and not them.

I hope everything works out ok.

[babymaggiemae]

I have been divorced for 2 years and we have a 5 year old daughter together.  I am the CP and we have joint custody for major decisions. We live in TN and the divorce was handled here also. He has remarried this past year and there have been several problems.

He does not come and pick up his daughter according to the parenting plan, every other weekend, or call her during the week.  As of today he has not spoke or seen her since Christmas day.  Ever since his wedding I have been told that I need to speak to his wife about things concerning our daughter and instead of him coming to pick her up, the limited times that this happens, I was informed that she would be doing this.

The last time my daughter spent the night, he called the police on his wife for DV.  No call was made to me and neither was taken to jail.  The next day the wife called and told me about the agruement, but left off the fact that the police were called.  My daughter came home and told me.

Now, he has been put in the hospital and there has not been any call from her letting his daughter know.  I work at the hospital and found out while doing my job, and due to HIPPA I cannot tell her nor do I think I should as it has been requested by the wife that we not come.  

I do not think that he would hurt our daughter, but I do know that things are getting worse between him and his wife and I think our daughter could just be in the wrong place at the wrong time.  

What legal rights does she have with my child?
What could be done about the DV and vistation with daughter?

I have no idea what to do and nothing seems to help, the only one getting hurt is my daughter!

[socrateaser]

>What legal rights does she have with my child?

SM has no personal rights in the minor child, however, the father can still exercise parenting according to the order, and delegate his authority to the SM, which means that if the father directs his wife to pick up the child, then you would be legally obligated to transfer the child into her care.

>What could be done about the DV and vistation with daughter?

You need to go to the court and get a temporary order restraining the father from delegating any parenting authority to the SM, and ordering that the SM cannot be withing 300' of the child, on grounds that the SM is demonstrably physically violent and could reasonably cause irreparable injury to the child.

And, frankly, the other parent should be willing to stipulate to such an order in the child's interest, because his spouse is apparently a serious danger to the child -- and to the father.

[babymaggiemae]

Thank you for your reply.  Couple more questions.

Should I wait till he is out of the hosiptal?

Can I speak to the DA and have this done or do I need to get a lawyer handle this?

[socrateaser]

>Thank you for your reply.  Couple more questions.
>
>Should I wait till he is out of the hosiptal?

That's up to you. I don't know the father's mental state or ability to put the child's interests ahead of his own. But, it seems like he's kind of a whimp or he wouldn't be in this relationship, which means that you may actually have more influence on him while he's still in pain.

Just don't threaten him with legal action if you don't get what you want. Tell him you're afraid and you want some help keeping the child safe.

>Can I speak to the DA and have this done or do I need to get a
>lawyer handle this?

If there are criminal charges filed, then you could ask the DA to ask the criminal judge to issue a restraining order, and you may get a sympathetic ear and some free legal aid. If not, then you'll probably need an attorney, unless the father agrees to go along -- and then you'll still probably need an attorney to draw up the papers unless your local courthouse has a facillitator who is hired to help in these sorts of cases.

[Sunshine1]

This exact thing happened to us over the summer and most of 2004.  Things needed to get severely out of hand for a judge to finally listen.

SM is extremely violent, and beats on herself, and EX and threatens my children. But as far as I know has never laid a hand on them.  I went back to court 3 or 4 times trying to make sure that she was never left alone with them.  EX thought there was nothing wrong at all with her until he found out she was bi-polar and she had concealed it from him.

Well since finding that out I did a police report search on her at her previous addresses and her new one and came across some very shocking information.  Just last year alone she had attempted suicide over 45 times, previous marriage and previous address showed calls from co-workers, neighbors, parents about violence, suicide, disappearing for days a time etc etc...  The list was very long.

She is heavily medicated too, some of which our son takes the same meds for except for seizures, well she started playing doctor,and leaving me horrible voicemails and finally the judge said she is not allowed to be alone with these kids EVER.

Ex can not leave children in her care for any amount of time EVER.  He also lost his 50 legal medical due to her med tampering..long story short, you should do your homework on her to help your case or I am afraid you might not get heard.  One or two offenses, judges don't like to cut out the step-parent if they can help it.

We haven't seen Ex or SM since the last trial either.  It was too hard for him to not let the kids be alone with her???????????  So they are going on 6 months of no contact from him by his choice.  My intent was to keep them safe while they were with their Dad, not to take him out of the picture. He decided it was just easier to deal with her and not them.

I hope everything works out ok.