children refusing visitation

[lawless]

Dear Socrateaser,

I am divorced and have joint legal custody of 2 teenage girls in Utah.  I have specified visitation of 8 days per month which I am allowed to schedule.  I have been compliant with all of the requirements of our agreement.  My 16 year old daughter has refused visitation for about 1 year.  My 13 year old daughter just recently started refusing.  For the sake of brevity, I won't go into details but the refusal is purely emotional and is simply a battle the girls are fighting on behalf of their mother.  Their mother refuses to force them to go for visitation if they don't want to go because they are "young adults" and she says this is between the girls and me.  

The mother and I have been to mediation, and she agreed to start a series of punishments (per the mediator's suggestion ie:  taking away cell phones) to get the girls to come to my house.  This lasted for 3 days and the girls chose the punishment rather than coming for visitation.  I have been told by the girls' counselors to not pursue a court decision to force visitation because this will alienate the girls further as they see this as me further "hurting their mom".  I feel that court is my only option.  The 16 year old recently told me that she is trying to legally eliminate me from her life for "leaving her".  I am not sure what this means but am guessing that I will be sued for full custody by the mom or maybe emancipation.  There has never been any verbal or physical abuse of any sort.  

Here are my questions:
1.  Can a 16 year old convince a judge that it is in her best interest to eliminate her father from her life?
2.  A Guardian Ad Litem was recommended by the girls' counselor.  Would this be useful?
3.  Is it likely that a judge will enforce visitation when the girls adamantly refuse?
4.  If visitation is enforced by a judge, are there any consequences when the Mom fails to comply?

Thanks very much for your help!
Lawless

[socrateaser]

>Here are my questions:
>1.  Can a 16 year old convince a judge that it is in her best
>interest to eliminate her father from her life?

The question is argumentative, because you propose that the only question for the court is whether the child can eliminate you from her life. Your daughter may not view this situation as anything other than her wanting to be with her friends rather than with you.

I realize that this is incredibly hard -- and just wait, because when the child is 18+ and you find out that she's doin' meth, because she wasn't provided a father figure, you'll want to blame the mother big time -- and you'll be right that she's mainly to blame.

But, as a practical matter, society has mede the determination that an adult's right to walk away from a marriage should take precedence to the child's need to have two involved parents. Frankly, if the custodial parent doesn't encourage the child(ren) to spend time with you, then you're fighting a losing battle, and you're gonna flush your time and money down the toilet.

Best thing to do is love the kids when you can, and hope that when they grow up they will want to spend time with you someday and meanwhile, go on with your life -- because it ain't over with yet.

>2.  A Guardian Ad Litem was recommended by the girls'
>counselor.  Would this be useful?

The GAL will assert the children's interests, NOT the children's BEST interests. So, if the kids don't want to spend time with Dad, then the GAL, who is an attorney, is obligated to advance that interest, despite the fact that objectively, it may not be in the children's best interest.

>3.  Is it likely that a judge will enforce visitation when the
>girls adamantly refuse?

Probably not. Can't blame the mom for the kids' refusal. Better to just ask the kids to dinner occasionally and keep a cool head. If you blow it out of proportion, it's gonna backfire on you.

The mom can't be held in contempt, because the kids are the ones refusing to come, not the mom. So, there's really no effective enforcement mechanism, unless the judge threatens the kids with foster care if they don't shape up.

I'd say that the chances of that happening, absent a conviction for drug abuse is about minus infinity.

>4.  If visitation is enforced by a judge, are there any
>consequences when the Mom fails to comply?

N/A.

Sorry to be so glum, but I thought it would be better to nip your hopes in the bud, before you start throwing money at this problem. The ONLY way you're gonna make a change is (1) if the kids want to do it themselves, or (2) if the mom is found to have committed some criminal or grossly negligent act with respect to the kids, such that the court can't ignore the horse pucky anymore.

Otherwise, you're just gonna put braces on your attorney and the GAL's kids, rather than your own.