Indiana Parenting time Guidelines

[wysiwyg]

I am having a hard time trying to understand something.  We were in court Monday, mother was found in contempt for failing to abide by mediation order, her attorney tried to make mediation sound so volatile between us that the court rescinded the mediation order, fined BM for BF attorney's fees and stated that parties are to go by the Indiana Parenting Time Guidelines PERIOD [stressing this word more than once], the court order stated "the Court believes that it is important for the parties to start over with the new guidelines, with no alterations".  The guidelines state that the NCP (me) is the have alternate weekends, and holidays and summer vacation as outlined, and that "Parenting time is both a right and a responsibility, and scheduled parenting time shall occur as planned".  I have no problem following the guidelines but I know that she will twist them to her benefit, currently signing the child up for activities that will not allow me to see my child for 7 weeks and telling me that those are my weekends and child wanted to go to said activity, which then negates the minimum time concept.  

Questions:

1.If the order is without alteration, this means to me that no weekend/holiday trades will be allowed, correct?

2.Can BM sign the child up for activities that will take away my weekends without my consent or knowledge?

3.If mother signs the child up for an activity (say a camp weekend for scouts) in which father will not see the child at all – would this be considered as "Adjustments to Schedule / "Make Up" Time.  Whenever there is a need to adjust the established parenting schedules because of events outside the normal family routine, the parent who becomes aware of the circumstance shall notify the other parent as far in advance as possible.  Both parents shall then attempt to reach a mutually acceptable adjustment to the parenting schedule. If an adjustment results in one parent losing scheduled parenting time with the child, "make-up" time should be exercised as soon as possible."

4.The guidelines also state "Any deviation from these Guidelines by either the parties or the court must be accompanied by a written explanation indicating why the deviation is necessary or appropriate in the case."  Does this mean we can deviate or we can not (without alterations), or is this in relation to an overall parenting time order of deviation?

Thanks for your help!

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>1.If the order is without alteration, this means to me that no
>weekend/holiday trades will be allowed, correct?

Yes.

>
>2.Can BM sign the child up for activities that will take away
>my weekends without my consent or knowledge?

The order says no alterations, so I'd say no, unless there are other orders allowing this.

>
>3.If mother signs the child up for an activity (say a camp
>weekend for scouts) in which father will not see the child at
>all – would this be considered as "Adjustments to Schedule /
>"Make Up" Time.  Whenever there is a need to adjust the
>established parenting schedules because of events outside the
>normal family routine, the parent who becomes aware of the
>circumstance shall notify the other parent as far in advance
>as possible.  Both parents shall then attempt to reach a
>mutually acceptable adjustment to the parenting schedule. If
>an adjustment results in one parent losing scheduled parenting
>time with the child, "make-up" time should be exercised as
>soon as possible."

If the above represents the standard schedule, then whoever wrote it should be hung by his/her respective !@#$s. the word "should" should NEVER appear in a court order, because it's wishful, rather than mandatory or prohibitory, and thus it carries zero legal authority. The order requires the parents to try to reach an agreed upon adjustment, but if they fail, there are no consequences. This is a huge open door to the other parent doing whatever she wishes.
>
>4.The guidelines also state "Any deviation from these
>Guidelines by either the parties or the court must be
>accompanied by a written explanation indicating why the
>deviation is necessary or appropriate in the case."  Does this
>mean we can deviate or we can not (without alterations), or is
>this in relation to an overall parenting time order of
>deviation?

You can deviate all over the place. No contempt is possible under the terms of this parenting plan. It merely sets up the possibility of the court later requiring more strict terms, but by itself, the plan has almost no teeth, based on what you've posted.

I'd have to read the entire plan in context to be competely accurate in my assessment, but from what I've read so far, I'm not impressed.

Sorry.

[wysiwyg]

Not that you would have time but here is the link -  http://www.in.gov/judiciary/rules/parenting/

Perhaps if I outline my specific concern you can help me put this in perspective and how to handle the situation:

Next weekend (weekend 1) is my weekend, BM has signed the child up for a weekend outing with scouts.

The following three weekends (weekends 2,3 & 4) BM has for holiday per the guidelines.

The weekend after that (weekend 5) is my weekend and BM has child signed up a weekend school function that is out of the state.

The weekend after that - which is NOT my weekend but was considered a possible trade at some point (weekend 6) BM signed the child up for another weekend scout outing.

This means that with no alteration, the child already signed up to go to these functions, I will not see the child from last weekend March 10-12 until May 5-7.  How do I-

1. handle the time that is mine under the guidelines that BM signed the child up for activities in which I will not see my child at all?

Just a PS for you, scouts do atleast 2 campouts a month and so far this month every weekend (including next weekend) has been taken up with a scout event.  I think this is excessive, but BM is part of the troop leaders so the rest goes without saying.

[socrateaser]

>1. handle the time that is mine under the guidelines that BM
>signed the child up for activities in which I will not see my
>child at all?

The other parent has a duty to try to negotiate with you on the conflicts. Proof of failure to negotiate in good faith would be proof of contempt. However, proof of a failed good faith negotiation will let her off the hook entirely. That's why the order is so screwed up.

Your attorney should have brought this to the court's attention, because what you have is practically worthless, as far as its ability to actually modify the other parent's prior bad behavior. You need a parenting plan that does not leave any options and mandates time to each parent with no exceptions.

[wysiwyg]

1. would it be considered a good faith effort (and protecting ourselves) to tell BM that she will need to speak to her attorney and present me with a written proposal when she wants the child to attend functions that will take up the majority of my weekends (ie as I wrote about in last post).  

2. if no aggreement can be reached then can she hold me in contempt for not allowing the child to go to a function? (ie the guidelines state that the parents shall make a reasonalbe effort to accomodate the child's participation in regular academic extracurricular and social activities.)

I want my child to enjoy his activities IF he wants to go , but I am not sure that this is entirely the case.  

3. However where does one draw the line at seeing their child or sending him off to camp?

[socrateaser]

>1. would it be considered a good faith effort (and protecting
>ourselves) to tell BM that she will need to speak to her
>attorney and present me with a written proposal when she wants
>the child to attend functions that will take up the majority
>of my weekends (ie as I wrote about in last post).  

You can certainly start the ball, but if you do, and opposing counsel responds, then it will appear as though a good faith effort was made by them. So, I suggest that you do nothing until your time is expressly interfered with, and then you write a letter demanding to know why no attempt to negotiate the issue was ever made. That way, no matter how they respond, they're in contempt, because they'll be admitting they didn't try to negotiate.

>
>2. if no aggreement can be reached then can she hold me in
>contempt for not allowing the child to go to a function? (ie
>the guidelines state that the parents shall make a reasonalbe
>effort to accomodate the child's participation in regular
>academic extracurricular and social activities.)

If it's on your time, then no.

>3. However where does one draw the line at seeing their child
>or sending him off to camp?

There are no bright lines. You need to lean heavily in favor of what the kid wants, because if you don't, then the kid won't want to see you anymore, and all of this will be for naught.

[wysiwyg]

Thank you so much for your help on this it is GREATLY appreciated!

I do have 3 last (I Promise) questions for you;

1.  If all negotiations fail to come to a reached agreement and BF states I am not in agreement and I will be there at 6 PM to get the child and goes to get child at 6 PM and the child is not there, BM having sent child to weekend camp anyway, then is that contempt on her part?

2.  If BM continuously interferes with BF phone privledges to the child (she does not turn on her answering machine anymore) and testified in court (a lie) that she does not get messages on her cell phone, how is BF to try and speak to child to see if he wants to go to activity?  

3.  If BM fails to tell us of all the activities and relies on the child (or scoutmaster or school) to tell us of the activity and ultimately has the child try and work out an arrangemnet to a parenting schedlue - could this be considered contpempt not to mention poor taste?  court order states "All communications concerning a child shall be conducted between the parents."

Thank again for your help, I am just trying to prepare for what is coming down the pike.

[ncpneedshelp]

Just my opinion but....

I also follow the Indiana Parenting Guidelines and they are WAY too broad and leave for plenty of arguments.
My children live 1.5 hours away with CP.  When they have a function or something they want to do on one of my weekends, I take them or say they can't unless their CP is willing to switch weekends with me.
I have done ALOT of extra driving, including letting my son go to his friends to spend the night (1.5 hours away) and arranging to take them (have a daughter too)  home afterwards.  (even tho he was 5 minutes from CP house I had to drive up there pick him up and take him home) However, I know this is what the kids want and regardless of what I feel about CP or CP feels about me I will do my best to accomodate my children's growth social and in school.
So, tell CP you will switch weekends so your child can do the camp, and if she is not willing to switch then say no!  Your child may be mad at first but in the end the time you spend together is much more important!  I have had to say no, and kids get upset, then thank me later!

To me what stinks is the upcoming month of April for non custodial parents in Indiana.  CP this year gets kids for spring break (1st week in april) and for Easter weekend.  Which technically makes this the last weekend I am "entitled" to until April 28th.  I have already requested a makeup weekend or couple of days during spring break...requested 2 weeks ago, still waiting for "approval" and dates (I specified ANY TIME THEY SAY I WILL DO)
 
So, don't give up your time with your children.  If they are in the same city especially this shouldn't be an issue, I would think.  You take him to camp and pick him up to at least get that first "excitement" after them doing something!  And he knows you are involved with his activities!

As I said, my opinion thru my experience dealing with "Indiana" which is not an easy thing to do!

[wysiwyg]

This is always an issue with the CP.  The court has recinded the mediation order because of mothers refusal to comply with the courts order for mediation (contempt charge #5).

In January when the child had a camp trip, we offered several alternatives, she came back with it will be this weekend or none, I told her that then there is no aggreement - went to get the child, she sent the child to camp anyway.  Lost the entire weekend.  So when I say no, she send the child anyway.  I am contemplating a contempt filing on that now as she refuses to agree to the times I selected as make ups.

Switching is not easy, we have little time to do so, the court ordered the IPTG"s followed without alteration.  My best judgement says that we will follow the holidays explicitely (the first 3 weeks in April are hers anyway) but she has the child signed up for three weekend activities - 1 next weekend and 2 after her holidays.  She has already told me she has already refused my selection of summer vacation.  

Taking the child to camp or participating in the activity is not going to happen either as BM is one of the leaders and goes to camp with the 14 year old child, which personally i think is a bit odd.  

[Imom]

Simply with experience the judges in our area hold this clause to younger children as well:

2.  Special Considerations.  In exercising parenting time with a teenager, the non-custodial parent shall make reasonable efforts to accommodate a teenager's participation in his or her regular academic, extracurricular and social activities.