CP told me she is denying visitation TODAY! What do I do?

[spshell]

I can't thank you enough for the time and effort you put into S.P.A.R.C.  You are a blessing to many!  With that being said, I NEED ADVICE ASAP.  

Per parenting plan I am to pick up kids after work on Thursday and return them before work on Friday.  On Friday CP is to bring kids to me by 6pm and I am to return them to her Saturday 5pm and alternating Sundays at 7pm.

The kids were not home yesterday when I went to pick them up.  I called CP and she said they were at her mom's, which is two hours away.  CP told me that she would be picking them up this morning  (Friday) and that I could have them Saturday morning.  Reason, because she went on a fishing trip on our daughters birthday last weekend and she wants to make the time up with her.  She even left a voice mail (which I saved) stating this.

1. Should I have driven two hours away to pick up the kids Thursday night?  I get home at 6:30pm and by the time I picked them up and returned home it would be approximately 10:30pm.  I start work at 6am and would have to drop them off at CP's home by 5am.  I felt it was in the kids best interest to just stay at Grandmas.

2. Should I call police since she has verbalized she has denied my visitation and will deny again today?  I'm worried that it will scare the kids.   They are 6 and 10.  We live in Snohomish county.

3.  Changing the subject... CP moved 45 minutes away without written notice just over three months ago.  She enrolled the kids in a new school for the last two months of the year.  It so happens that she moved in with her boyfriend who lives about 10 miles from my fiance.  In order to not loose my Thursday nights with the kids (too much commuting time) I moved in with my fiance two weeks after she moved.  Should I have filed contempt instead?  Is it too late now?  The thing is ultimately it doesn't matter that she moved now that I live here.  I'm trying to show the judge a history of her not putting the kids first.

Again, thank you for all your help and advice.  

[socrateaser]

>I can't thank you enough for the time and effort you put into
>S.P.A.R.C.  You are a blessing to many!  With that being said,
>I NEED ADVICE ASAP.  
>
>Per parenting plan I am to pick up kids after work on Thursday
>and return them before work on Friday.  On Friday CP is to
>bring kids to me by 6pm and I am to return them to her
>Saturday 5pm and alternating Sundays at 7pm.
>
>The kids were not home yesterday when I went to pick them up.
>I called CP and she said they were at her mom's, which is two
>hours away.  CP told me that she would be picking them up this
>morning  (Friday) and that I could have them Saturday morning.
> Reason, because she went on a fishing trip on our daughters
>birthday last weekend and she wants to make the time up with
>her.  She even left a voice mail (which I saved) stating
>this.

Smart move. don't lose the voicemail because you now have the magic proof of contempt of court "beyond all reasonable doubt," and that is a hammer. Get a tape recorder and record the voicemail onto the tape, then keep both in case you lose one. Voicemail systems have been known to be "reset" by the phone company.

>
>1. Should I have driven two hours away to pick up the kids
>Thursday night?  I get home at 6:30pm and by the time I picked
>them up and returned home it would be approximately 10:30pm.
>I start work at 6am and would have to drop them off at CP's
>home by 5am.  I felt it was in the kids best interest to just
>stay at Grandmas.

If the orders say you have the kids and she doesn't produce them and you can prove that her actions were willful and with conscious disregard of the court's orders, then that's contempt and you get your attorney fees and sanctions against the other parent, including make up time, and money, as well as proof for a custody hearing of the other parent's demonstrated intent to frustrate your access to the child, which further demonstrates that she is not the best day to day custodian of the children.

As for what you "should" do, get rid of that mindset. There is no "should." There is only "do." It's your choice to go get the kids. Either way, the other parent is in contempt. The problem is that most of the time, proving contempt is impossible because there's no independent evidence of the parent's frustration of your parenting rights. Here, however, you have a recording, so that fixes the problem.

If you had gone to get the kids, I would have had a tape recorder and recorded the conversation between myself and the grandparents at the door, when THEY refused to give you the kids. Because then you could sue their asses for falsly imprisoning the children and for intentional infliction of emotional distress on you.

>2. Should I call police since she has verbalized she has
>denied my visitation and will deny again today?  I'm worried
>that it will scare the kids.   They are 6 and 10.  We live in
>Snohomish county.

The police will never come out in advance of a disturbance unless they think that the general public is in danger. So, until you're standing at the door with a certified copy of the court order showing you have parenting time with the kids and the mom is refusing to produce them, calling the cops is a waste of time (although, I would call them and ask what their policy on these exact circumstances, so you won't be standing at the door wait for them to show, only to have them tell you that it's a "civil problem" between you and your ex, and "we won't interfere." Which, happens in some jurisdictions. It's really a local police discretionary authority unless there's an express state statute that requires the police to get involved in parenting issues like this. I don't know if WA has such a state law (and sometimes the law is only available where there is a final custody judgment, rather than only a temporary order).

>3.  Changing the subject... CP moved 45 minutes away without
>written notice just over three months ago.  She enrolled the
>kids in a new school for the last two months of the year.  It
>so happens that she moved in with her boyfriend who lives
>about 10 miles from my fiance.  In order to not loose my
>Thursday nights with the kids (too much commuting time) I
>moved in with my fiance two weeks after she moved.  Should I
>have filed contempt instead?  

Yep. This one I know in WA the other parent must give you written notice and you are entitled to a hearing before she can move the kids. But, as you've moved too, that renders the matter moot. There's not controversy.

Is it too late now?  The thing
>is ultimately it doesn't matter that she moved now that I live
>here.  I'm trying to show the judge a history of her not
>putting the kids first.

You shouldn't have knee jerked. But, you did, so that pretty much blows this incident. If you had filed first and then moved, you could have said that your move was a desperate attempt to keep close contact with the kids and that the mom should have to pay for your moving costs as a sanction and you probably would have received it. But, you didn't so now filing an objection is nonsensical, because you'd be objecting to your own move!

[416021va]

As a respectful response, I wish that I had kept a backup copy of the voicemail where CP threatened to call immigration on my present wife (when she was legal here mind you) if I elected to visit with my child as per the court order.

Phone company does have a habit of deleting VM.

Do as SOC says!

[spshell]

Thanks for the quick reply!  Your response brought up more questions.

1. Is it worth filing contempt after only one incident or will it look like I'm trying to make trouble?  I do have a journal that documents all the times she verbally abused me, was late to pick up the kids, refused to seek medical attention for the kids, how the kids come to my home in flip flops and a short skirt and no coat when it's raining out, etc.

2. If I take her to court she'll freak and will more than likely try to up the child support.  CS order has been in place over two years.  My income is the same as it was on the original order.  She owns her own business and I'm pretty sure doesn't deposit cash recieved (never did when we were married).  I could subpeona bank statements, credit card statements, etc. to try to prove it.

3.  If I do file, then I also plan on asking for some revisions on the parenting plan.  Is that done all at once?  

4. If I file do you recommend pro se or hire an attorney at this point?  I could start out pro se and hire one if she does.

THANKS!

[socrateaser]

>Thanks for the quick reply!  Your response brought up more
>questions.
>
>1. Is it worth filing contempt after only one incident or will
>it look like I'm trying to make trouble?  I do have a journal
>that documents all the times she verbally abused me, was late
>to pick up the kids, refused to seek medical attention for the
>kids, how the kids come to my home in flip flops and a short
>skirt and no coat when it's raining out, etc.

No, it will look like you're trying to defend your interests and the kids'. The problem with most people is they want to file for contempt when they can't prove it. This annoys the judge, because it's a complete waste of everyone's time. Most of these sorts of issues are derailed by attorney fees, or by an attorney who says, "Where's your proof?"

But, if you actually have solid proof of contempt, then press your hand immediately because it will stop future abuse. My experience is that most of the time a person who is nailed on a contempt charge, will not repeat. Yes, there are times that the judge will not press the hammer down, but usually if the evidence is solid, the cost of the experience will cause the other parent to think twice about playing games in that area again.

>
>2. If I take her to court she'll freak and will more than
>likely try to up the child support.  CS order has been in
>place over two years.  My income is the same as it was on the
>original order.  She owns her own business and I'm pretty sure
>doesn't deposit cash recieved (never did when we were
>married).  I could subpeona bank statements, credit card
>statements, etc. to try to prove it.

If your income hasn't increased, then why do you care whether she goes back. Actually, if there's no change in circumstances, then the court will dismiss.

Of course, if your income has actually increased, then that's a concern. Legally, filing an action as punishment for the other party's legal action is wrongful institution of civil proceeding/abuse of legal process and you can sue someone for it. But, with child support, it's always "about the children," so the courts won't entertain lawsuits where they might if thise was happening in,say, a breach of contract action.

>
>3.  If I do file, then I also plan on asking for some
>revisions on the parenting plan.  Is that done all at once?  

Contempt is an entirely separate action. It's quasi-criminal. If you want to use your evidence for a motion to clarify or modify custody/parenting, you can certainly do that and file for contempt also. Then you can use one as bargaining to get a settlement on the other. This is not extortion, because it's within your power to compromise a claim, and since you're the person prosecuting the contempt, you have the right to negotiate a "plea bargain."

>
>4. If I file do you recommend pro se or hire an attorney at
>this point?  I could start out pro se and hire one if she
>does.

If you want to do a contempt, you should hire a lawyer, because that will increase her costs and it will hurt a lot worse, which should help encorage non repetition of the bad action.

[socrateaser]

>I can't thank you enough for the time and effort you put into
>S.P.A.R.C.  You are a blessing to many!  With that being said,
>I NEED ADVICE ASAP.  
>
>Per parenting plan I am to pick up kids after work on Thursday
>and return them before work on Friday.  On Friday CP is to
>bring kids to me by 6pm and I am to return them to her
>Saturday 5pm and alternating Sundays at 7pm.
>
>The kids were not home yesterday when I went to pick them up.
>I called CP and she said they were at her mom's, which is two
>hours away.  CP told me that she would be picking them up this
>morning  (Friday) and that I could have them Saturday morning.
> Reason, because she went on a fishing trip on our daughters
>birthday last weekend and she wants to make the time up with
>her.  She even left a voice mail (which I saved) stating
>this.

Smart move. don't lose the voicemail because you now have the magic proof of contempt of court "beyond all reasonable doubt," and that is a hammer. Get a tape recorder and record the voicemail onto the tape, then keep both in case you lose one. Voicemail systems have been known to be "reset" by the phone company.

>
>1. Should I have driven two hours away to pick up the kids
>Thursday night?  I get home at 6:30pm and by the time I picked
>them up and returned home it would be approximately 10:30pm.
>I start work at 6am and would have to drop them off at CP's
>home by 5am.  I felt it was in the kids best interest to just
>stay at Grandmas.

If the orders say you have the kids and she doesn't produce them and you can prove that her actions were willful and with conscious disregard of the court's orders, then that's contempt and you get your attorney fees and sanctions against the other parent, including make up time, and money, as well as proof for a custody hearing of the other parent's demonstrated intent to frustrate your access to the child, which further demonstrates that she is not the best day to day custodian of the children.

As for what you "should" do, get rid of that mindset. There is no "should." There is only "do." It's your choice to go get the kids. Either way, the other parent is in contempt. The problem is that most of the time, proving contempt is impossible because there's no independent evidence of the parent's frustration of your parenting rights. Here, however, you have a recording, so that fixes the problem.

If you had gone to get the kids, I would have had a tape recorder and recorded the conversation between myself and the grandparents at the door, when THEY refused to give you the kids. Because then you could sue their asses for falsly imprisoning the children and for intentional infliction of emotional distress on you.

>2. Should I call police since she has verbalized she has
>denied my visitation and will deny again today?  I'm worried
>that it will scare the kids.   They are 6 and 10.  We live in
>Snohomish county.

The police will never come out in advance of a disturbance unless they think that the general public is in danger. So, until you're standing at the door with a certified copy of the court order showing you have parenting time with the kids and the mom is refusing to produce them, calling the cops is a waste of time (although, I would call them and ask what their policy on these exact circumstances, so you won't be standing at the door wait for them to show, only to have them tell you that it's a "civil problem" between you and your ex, and "we won't interfere." Which, happens in some jurisdictions. It's really a local police discretionary authority unless there's an express state statute that requires the police to get involved in parenting issues like this. I don't know if WA has such a state law (and sometimes the law is only available where there is a final custody judgment, rather than only a temporary order).

>3.  Changing the subject... CP moved 45 minutes away without
>written notice just over three months ago.  She enrolled the
>kids in a new school for the last two months of the year.  It
>so happens that she moved in with her boyfriend who lives
>about 10 miles from my fiance.  In order to not loose my
>Thursday nights with the kids (too much commuting time) I
>moved in with my fiance two weeks after she moved.  Should I
>have filed contempt instead?  

Yep. This one I know in WA the other parent must give you written notice and you are entitled to a hearing before she can move the kids. But, as you've moved too, that renders the matter moot. There's not controversy.

Is it too late now?  The thing
>is ultimately it doesn't matter that she moved now that I live
>here.  I'm trying to show the judge a history of her not
>putting the kids first.

You shouldn't have knee jerked. But, you did, so that pretty much blows this incident. If you had filed first and then moved, you could have said that your move was a desperate attempt to keep close contact with the kids and that the mom should have to pay for your moving costs as a sanction and you probably would have received it. But, you didn't so now filing an objection is nonsensical, because you'd be objecting to your own move!

[416021va]

As a respectful response, I wish that I had kept a backup copy of the voicemail where CP threatened to call immigration on my present wife (when she was legal here mind you) if I elected to visit with my child as per the court order.

Phone company does have a habit of deleting VM.

Do as SOC says!

[spshell]

Thanks for the quick reply!  Your response brought up more questions.

1. Is it worth filing contempt after only one incident or will it look like I'm trying to make trouble?  I do have a journal that documents all the times she verbally abused me, was late to pick up the kids, refused to seek medical attention for the kids, how the kids come to my home in flip flops and a short skirt and no coat when it's raining out, etc.

2. If I take her to court she'll freak and will more than likely try to up the child support.  CS order has been in place over two years.  My income is the same as it was on the original order.  She owns her own business and I'm pretty sure doesn't deposit cash recieved (never did when we were married).  I could subpeona bank statements, credit card statements, etc. to try to prove it.

3.  If I do file, then I also plan on asking for some revisions on the parenting plan.  Is that done all at once?  

4. If I file do you recommend pro se or hire an attorney at this point?  I could start out pro se and hire one if she does.

THANKS!

[socrateaser]

>Thanks for the quick reply!  Your response brought up more
>questions.
>
>1. Is it worth filing contempt after only one incident or will
>it look like I'm trying to make trouble?  I do have a journal
>that documents all the times she verbally abused me, was late
>to pick up the kids, refused to seek medical attention for the
>kids, how the kids come to my home in flip flops and a short
>skirt and no coat when it's raining out, etc.

No, it will look like you're trying to defend your interests and the kids'. The problem with most people is they want to file for contempt when they can't prove it. This annoys the judge, because it's a complete waste of everyone's time. Most of these sorts of issues are derailed by attorney fees, or by an attorney who says, "Where's your proof?"

But, if you actually have solid proof of contempt, then press your hand immediately because it will stop future abuse. My experience is that most of the time a person who is nailed on a contempt charge, will not repeat. Yes, there are times that the judge will not press the hammer down, but usually if the evidence is solid, the cost of the experience will cause the other parent to think twice about playing games in that area again.

>
>2. If I take her to court she'll freak and will more than
>likely try to up the child support.  CS order has been in
>place over two years.  My income is the same as it was on the
>original order.  She owns her own business and I'm pretty sure
>doesn't deposit cash recieved (never did when we were
>married).  I could subpeona bank statements, credit card
>statements, etc. to try to prove it.

If your income hasn't increased, then why do you care whether she goes back. Actually, if there's no change in circumstances, then the court will dismiss.

Of course, if your income has actually increased, then that's a concern. Legally, filing an action as punishment for the other party's legal action is wrongful institution of civil proceeding/abuse of legal process and you can sue someone for it. But, with child support, it's always "about the children," so the courts won't entertain lawsuits where they might if thise was happening in,say, a breach of contract action.

>
>3.  If I do file, then I also plan on asking for some
>revisions on the parenting plan.  Is that done all at once?  

Contempt is an entirely separate action. It's quasi-criminal. If you want to use your evidence for a motion to clarify or modify custody/parenting, you can certainly do that and file for contempt also. Then you can use one as bargaining to get a settlement on the other. This is not extortion, because it's within your power to compromise a claim, and since you're the person prosecuting the contempt, you have the right to negotiate a "plea bargain."

>
>4. If I file do you recommend pro se or hire an attorney at
>this point?  I could start out pro se and hire one if she
>does.

If you want to do a contempt, you should hire a lawyer, because that will increase her costs and it will hurt a lot worse, which should help encorage non repetition of the bad action.