legal phrase

[rellekarts]

Dear Soc,

I've been trying to search your previous posts for a bit of advice that I read earlier, but to no avail.  The issue related to a poster asking you a question about how to phrase an order about another parent commiting PAS or interfering with their relationship with their kids.

Within your response, you noted that there was a very specific phrase that needed to be included in any motions relating to this type of problem.  It went something like:

" causing permanent damage in the relationship between the parent and the child".  If memory serves me correctly, there might have even been the term 'warmth' used in the very specific phrase.  Your comment about the importance of the terms mentioned that the use of this particular phrase was important or triggered a certain level of importance with a judge.

1.  So with the limited information that I've provided, can you recall the phrase that I am talking about?

Thanks Soc.

[socrateaser]

>1.  So with the limited information that I've provided, can
>you recall the phrase that I am talking about?

I wish I remembered, but I don't. PAS is not by itself a legal concept that I would use in a pleading, unless I was submitting an affidavit from an expert witness who used the term to describe a diagnosis of a child's condition.

If you want me to help you figure out what to ask the court, then you need to tell me the facts of your case and ask some questions re what you would like to accomplish.

[rellekarts]

Here's the situation........

I have 3 children, 2 who live with their mom in Texas (she is CP of my youngest, ages 10 and 12), and my oldest son (15) lives with me in Canada (I am CP).  We share joint legal otherwise.

Over 2 years ago, I got a court order, directing BM to get therapy for our children.  She made sporadic attempts at fulfilling the requirement, but basically said that the school counselors were fulfilling the requirement.  In January 2006, BM engaged a 'family therapist' to help 'resolve oppositional behavior issues with the 2 kids that live with her".  It involved a family therapist who would come to their home and work with the entire family.  I was told it was necessary to get the kids to respect their mother and step-father's authority.  

It took me almost 2 months to get a conference with the family therapist, and contact was only triggered when the police got involved because the therapist was teaching the BM and step-dad 'restraining techniques' on the youngest.  The therapist himself said that he felt it was necessary to apply such a technique because he feared that the step-dad was going to physically assault the child in anger......

When the therapist finally returned my call, I informed him that if he ever pursued anything like that again, I would press charges against him.  He committed to not applying these techniques again.  He admitted that he has based his actions entirely on what BM and step-dad have told him (i.e. he has not made any attempt to consult the teachers, physicans or previous therapists).  At the time, I thought about taking legal action, but I have often been accused of 'interfering' with BM's efforts with the kids, so I decided to let it go for the moment.

I didn't hear about any more sessions with the therapist.  But when my 2 kids were visiting me over the summer, they told me that "B" was telling them that their dad was 'poisoning them" and that I was 'robbing' them of their childhood".  According to the kids, the majority of the sessions are about slamming me and the 'poisonous influence of their father".  Kids were upset about this.  They said that they felt that "B" was just repeating what their BM told him and that when they objected and tried to disengage from the process, they were physically punished by step-dad afterwards.  They were very distressed about it.  Then, my oldest child went to his mom's house for the month of August he reported that the sessions had started up again, and that "B" was on his case about me as well.  My oldest almost commented that he thinks that "B" is the one poisoning the kids.  All of my kids know that our telephone conversations are monitored by their mother (even though she is expressly told not to in the court order), and that we only see each other a few weeks a year.  But up until now, we haven't really stressed about it because we aren't talking about any subject that can't be overheard!!  So they are wondering how their dad is 'poisoning' them too!

I have left messages for "B", but he has not called back.  I want to confront him on what the children have told me.  I expect that he will deny it, but I believe the kids.  I have also tracked down "B's" supervisor and the complaint process for the Texas State Board for Licensed Family Therapists.  But, I suspect that it may be necessary for me to take legal action even though I have limited financial resources to do so.

Questions:
1.  Would I have grounds for requesting a restraining order for 'B'?  If so, do you have some suggestions on wording to express how emotionally damaging this is for the kids themselves, not to mention on my relationship with them?

2.  Is there any suggested wording to reflect that I am not disputing the need for counseling - but only by responsible professionals?

3.  Are family therapists required to respect the fact that in cases of joint legal custody, the consent of BOTH parents are required (and not just the CP)?

4.  Do you have any suggested actions to take with BM?  She is very adept  at avoiding responsibility for actions, so whatever I do, needs to be an airtight strategy, or it ends up being a waste of time and then the kids get into trouble for 'telling people about family secrets".  

Thanks for your time Soc.

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>1.  Would I have grounds for requesting a restraining order
>for 'B'?  If so, do you have some suggestions on wording to
>express how emotionally damaging this is for the kids
>themselves, not to mention on my relationship with them?

Probably not. Restraining order would be against the other parent to prevent further sessions with the therapist.

>
>2.  Is there any suggested wording to reflect that I am not
>disputing the need for counseling - but only by responsible
>professionals?

Your wording is fine.

>
>3.  Are family therapists required to respect the fact that in
>cases of joint legal custody, the consent of BOTH parents are
>required (and not just the CP)?

No. Joint legal custody does not mean both parents must consent. It means that either parent has total authority. So you can tell the therapist he's discharged, and your ex can immediately rehire him. Thus, the need for a court order against the other parent.

>
>4.  Do you have any suggested actions to take with BM?  She is
>very adept  at avoiding responsibility for actions, so
>whatever I do, needs to be an airtight strategy, or it ends up
>being a waste of time and then the kids get into trouble for
>'telling people about family secrets".  

Tell her that you would like to amicably resolve the situation by obtaining a new therapist, but that if she will not agree, that you will file for an order restraining her from continuing to use this therapist.

If you're oldest kid is sufficiently mature and on your side, you can give him/her a dictation recorder and have the sessions recorded. The therapist can't prevent it, but the other parent can.

However, I suspect that as soon as the therapist sees a recorder, that will be the end of the therapy. I don't like the idea of putting your kids in the middle of the situation, so you'd be much better off simply asking the court to stop the situation because you are not comfortable with what your kids are reporting to you.

Don't try to make the therapist into the bad person. Just tell the court that your kids report very strange and disturbing things to you, that you have asked the other parent to agree to find alternative counseling, that she has refused, and so you are asking the court to intercede so as to avoid having to drag the kids into court to prove that their is a problem.

Stay cool, not irate.

[rellekarts]

Soc, thanks so much........(nm)