joint custody ???

[pdxparent]

I am in OR, Multnomah County. Joint legal and physical custody order signed 6/06.


Child (6 years old) is physically with mother slightly more than 50%, to satisfy the residency requirements of her federal housing ( more than 50%). Since judgement was entered, I have obtained paperwork from said federal housing that states that if a joint custody order is in place, the child only has to live there AT LEAST 50% of the time, as opposed to more than 50 %.

Included in order is wording prohibiting derogatory statements about  the other parent, their spouse, or any other family member. Mother was recently overheard saying to child that she hated everything about her stupid ex and that he (child) was not allowed to acknowledge anyone he knows from his "other life" when he is with her. Communication has been, to say the least, very difficult.

Also included in order is mandatory counseling sessions for both parents in order to better communicate about the child. At first counseling meeting, mother became volatile and cursed out counselor, father, and father's wife ( not present at counseling session) and refused to attend any more sessions with counselor. Counselor says she had a very negative impression of mother and now sees what she has to deal with. Counselor has ongoing counseling relationship with child for 5+ months now.


Questions:

1. Are the overheard statements worthy of filing contempt? Would it actually get me anywhere to do so?

2. Is counselor's opinion enough to think about modifying/changing custody? I settled for joint simply because I thought going to trial would be harder on my son and I know he loves his mother despite her significant anger issues. I am worried, though, that her unwillingness to work together is going to make joint custody untenable.

3. Can I change the parenting time to 50/50 since her housing requirements are different than what she said they were? Would there be a legal advantage/disadvantage to this later on if I decide to try for sole custody based on her behaviour? She currently has him only a few hours more than I do.

Thanks in advance.

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>1. Are the overheard statements worthy of filing contempt?
>Would it actually get me anywhere to do so?

Depends on the credibility of the witness. The combination of a disinterested third party testifying to negative comments by the other parent, with testimony from a counselor as to the same party's negative comments during an interview, could not only be useful for contempt, but could constitute grounds for a new custody hearing.

>2. Is counselor's opinion enough to think about
>modifying/changing custody? I settled for joint simply because
>I thought going to trial would be harder on my son and I know
>he loves his mother despite her significant anger issues. I am
>worried, though, that her unwillingness to work together is
>going to make joint custody untenable.

The reason for counseling is to fix the problems. So, the more important fact, I think is that the other parent has refused to continue with the counseling. Is this good enough for antoher custody hearing by itself. Depends on how it's actually affecting the child. If it's not affecting the child, then no, because the affect on the child's interests is the only thing that matters, where custody is concerned.

>3. Can I change the parenting time to 50/50 since her housing
>requirements are different than what she said they were? Would
>there be a legal advantage/disadvantage to this later on if I
>decide to try for sole custody based on her behaviour? She
>currently has him only a few hours more than I do.

The only advantage is that she is entitled to all the tax breaks, absent a court order to the contrary. Other than that, substantially equal custody, of the sort you describe, will be treated as equal by the court.

What matters is the child's best interests -- not whether a parent is negatively affected by the other parent's actions. So, just because a parent bad mouths you in front of the child, doesn't get you anywhere without an expert opinion that it is negatively affecting the child's view of his/her parents. That's why I'm suggesting that the combination of a disinterested witness and a therapist concurring on the fact of negative statements, and their negative effect on the child, is what you want to make a reasonably good case.

Not saying you can't go in guns blazing and try to convince the judge that you will eventually have a case, or that contempt is not possible. But, the better your evidence, the better your chances, and without both witnesses, I think your chances are mediocre, for much more than a stiff admonishment by the judge -- you don't want to throw money away on that.

[pdxparent]

Thanks for your reply.

Other incidents have more recently come to light, including at least one situation where mother was observed by third party talking to herself extensively, as if she was hearing voices, and obsessively scratching and picking at herself at a school meeting last night, as well as an aggressive outburst, completely unprovoked, at me during the meeting (screaming at me about how sending him to this school was yet another attempt by me to "crush" her, and storming out of the meeting). My son also admitted to his counselor that he was afraid of his mother when she acted like that, but he has been very guarded about detailing actual situations concerning her.

I am becoming increasingly concerned that it is damaging for my son to be exposed to this type of behaviour. I am afraid that she may be seriously mentally unstable.

I have a good lawyer, and while I'm not super-rich, I will gather the funds necessary to push this through.

Questions:



What would my chances be if I tried to get temporary custody pending a psychological evaluation of her, me, whoever?

The custody agreement cannot be appealed, since it was signed before trial. Can I still reopen the case and ask for a psych. eval. on these grounds?

Thanks again for your help.

[socrateaser]

>Questions:
>
>What would my chances be if I tried to get temporary custody
>pending a psychological evaluation of her, me, whoever?

Unless the counselor is willing to testify about your son's expressed fear of the custodial parent, your chances are effectively zero.

Picking oneself and talking to oneself does not make a case for schizophrenic paranoia. You need something more, unless the witness is a mental health professional.

>The custody agreement cannot be appealed, since it was signed
>before trial. Can I still reopen the case and ask for a psych.
>eval. on these grounds?

I don't think the court will grant the request. Of course, if the parent appears in court and displays abnormal behavior, that could change things -- absent that, you need the counselor's testimony.