mother won't allow court ordered visitation

[WhatToDo]

I live in South Dakota and this is where my child also lives.

i have a 6 year old daughter. Her mother has primary physical custody of her and we have joint custody.

4 years ago, the mother prevented me from seeing my daughter so much that I sort of gave up. I had no money to fight the mother. So therefore I went 2 years without seeing my daughter until the mother went to prison for fraud. I was in jail for a DUI when the mother went to prison so I didn't even know where my daughter was until after the fact. My daughter had gone to live with her grandmother.

I contacted the grandmother and started phone visitation with my daughter who was then 4. I went to court and the judge ordered that I have 3 visits with my daughter within 3 month period pending a full custody hearing (the mother was still in prison.) I onyl got to have one visit with my daughter because the grandmother would not allow me any more than that.

When the mother got out of prison, we agreed and a court order was made, that she would retain custody of our daughter pending the next custody hearing and I would get to see my daugher every other weekend for 9 hours each day since the mother moved to a town only 20 miles from me. I thought this would give me a chance to establish a relationship with my daughter but the mother moved a month later, never allowing me a single weekend visitation.

She didn't contact me as to her whereabouts until 4 months later. I got to see my daughter 3 times between christmas and April. THe mother always limited my visitation and i have yet to receive the full weekend visitation.Since April, the mother won't answer the phone and every time I request visits, she deny's them.

I live within 10 miles of my daughter now and have been for the past 2 months. the mother knows this but still denies me any phone access or visits with my daughter. I call every week to try to talk to my daughter and want my weekend visits. THe mother told me last week that I can't call her anymore and called me some names.

SHe now accuses me of child abuse because on my last visitation, my daughter and I were playing and I lightly and playfully tapped her on the butt. My fiance' and her parents were witness to this and know I did nothing wrong.

We are keeping all phone records and have been keeping a journal of everything that happens during my visits and phone conversations. I was never alone during all the exchanges and always had someone with me during the visits.

We have a lawyer and are awaiting a court date.

1. Is there anything else my fiance' and I should be doing?

2.IS there anything we're missing?
 
3. what are my chances of getting custody or at least more visitation and ensuring that I get my court ordered visitation?

4.Is there anything that could help us.

5.what can hurt us?

6. Would being married help much?

[socrateaser]

>1. Is there anything else my fiance' and I should be doing?

You should live a very ordinary life, as a demonstration that you will contribute positively the child's life.

>2.IS there anything we're missing?

I don't know.

>
>3. what are my chances of getting custody or at least more
>visitation and ensuring that I get my court ordered
>visitation?

You need to demonstrate that you can consistently exercise the custody you've been awarded before a court will give you more. But, you can ask that the court make your time as absolute as possible, so the other parent can't control your access, without risking a contempt order.

>
>4.Is there anything that could help us.

Move within a 5 minute walk of the child.

>
>5.what can hurt us?

Proof of an unstable lifestyle.

>6. Would being married help much?

Ask your attorney about the judge in your case. Judges are supposed to be completely neutral, but usually the judge has some predispostion to order things a certain way.

Example: In very urban jurisdictions, the judges don't really care about being married much, because everyone is getting married and divorced all the time. But in a state like SD, you may be up against a judge who wants you to at least appear to be the picture of a god fearing republican, who's never taken a drink and goes to church twice a week.

Or maybe the judge won't give a rip. I'm not in a good position to comment other than to tell you to discuss it with your lawyer.

[WhatToDo]

I am trying to exercise my visitation rights but my ex says no everytime or completely ignores all phone calls and letters.

We live not more than 10 miles from my daughter. We just moved here the end of July to be closer to her. We were over 300 miles away. Moving closer seems to have made things worse. She ignores my calls and letters more than ever now that I'm close.

My ex asked me to attend a class called S.M.I.L.E and then we could continue visitation. I went to this and she still won't let me see my daughter. I just hope something good comes out of going to court. My ex told me not to mess with her because I "know what she's capable of." Guess we'll see what happens.

I'm just trying to gather as much infomation as possible before I get to that court room. My ex is extremely convincing when she lies...

 

[socrateaser]

>I am trying to exercise my visitation rights but my ex says
>no everytime or completely ignores all phone calls and
>letters.
>
>We live not more than 10 miles from my daughter. We just moved
>here the end of July to be closer to her. We were over 300
>miles away. Moving closer seems to have made things worse. She
>ignores my calls and letters more than ever now that I'm
>close.
>
>My ex asked me to attend a class called S.M.I.L.E and then we
>could continue visitation. I went to this and she still won't
>let me see my daughter. I just hope something good comes out
>of going to court. My ex told me not to mess with her because
>I "know what she's capable of." Guess we'll see what happens.
>
>I'm just trying to gather as much infomation as possible
>before I get to that court room. My ex is extremely convincing
>when she lies...

All of this is why you need the court to make the courts very explicit, with no wiggle room. Then, if the custodial parent doesn't follow the order you enforce your rights.

There's obviously a lot of baggage in this relationship and, frankly, the damage will be very difficult to repair, court or no court.

[WhatToDo]

In the new court order, can it be put in there, exactly what will happen to a person not following the court order? For example "The offending party will go to jail" or "pay a fine."

[socrateaser]

>In the new court order, can it be put in there, exactly what
>will happen to a person not following the court order? For
>example "The offending party will go to jail" or "pay a
>fine."

No. The court has discretion to sentence someone for a contempt. you could say something like: violation of this order may result in a finding of contempt and a fine, community service and/or jail time.

However, it's bad form. No judge will do that in advance, because there's no evidence that either party will violate the order once it's made definite and certain.

[WhatToDo]

So if I get another Court Order, and she decides not to follow the new one either, I basically have to take her back to court for contempt again?

[socrateaser]

>So if I get another Court Order, and she decides not to
>follow the new one either, I basically have to take her back
>to court for contempt again?

Did you already file a contempt motion? If so, that was not clear in your prior posts. If you have proof of the contempt already, then the judge will probably fine the other party, or give you make up time, and order her to pay your attorney fees, as well as clarify the court orders.

But, if you've only filed for a clarification of existing orders, then yes, you will have to back for another contempt.

Most people who are actually hit with a penalty for contempt don't repeat, because more than once for the same act will usually get the defendant a half dozen weekends picking up trash on the side of the road. Further contempts could actually cause a reversal of custody -- but that almost never happens, so don't even think about it. Judge is more likely to toss the other parent in jail for a week than reverse custody.

[WhatToDo]

Sorry! We are in the proccess of filing the contempt motion. Our lawyer has all the details and is working on getting a court date.

If the judge ever tosses my ex in jail, would that mean I would get my daughter during that time no matter what? I doubt that would ever happen but I was just wondering....

[socrateaser]

>Sorry! We are in the proccess of filing the contempt motion.
>Our lawyer has all the details and is working on getting a
>court date.
>
>If the judge ever tosses my ex in jail, would that mean I
>would get my daughter during that time no matter what? I doubt
>that would ever happen but I was just wondering....

Yes, if the judge thought you lived close enough to be able to take the child to school and pick her up, every day. You said you live 10 miles away, that's probably doable, especially in a rural area.

But, you're counting your chickens. Jail is not gonna happen, especially on a first contempt,  so get it out of your mind. You're probably gonna end up having the judge issue a stern warning and clarifying the orders and telling mom to go to a parenting class, and if she turns up in court again on a contempt, that there will be "trouble" (whatever that means).

If you expect more than that, you'll be very disappointed.