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Topics - norm9838

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Second Families / Not sure what to think
« on: Jul 19, 2005, 08:03:22 AM »
I can not say that my daughter has not always had problems but things are getting worse. I am not sure what to think about the way things have changed in the last year. Heres some background. Her mother and I split up when she was 5 and she is now 12. She has been in 5 schools and is starting into the 6th grade, luckily enough its the same school for the second year. She is only child of me and my ex-girlfriend. She has always been top priority in my life and I have always scheduled my life according to her or at least I have tried. HEr mother and I always used to be able to communicate but that is no longer. My ex has lived with and now is married to man she has been with for less than a year. He is a very jealous person and has pretty much told me to butt out. This has caused me great distress. I love my daughter and want to spend time with her. I have a fiancee that I have been with for 2 1/2 years and my ex has always never seemed to have a problem with her. In the beginning of our relationship she even seemed to try to befriend my fiancee. My daughter and my faincee have always seemed to have a good relationship to the point of my daughter feeling like she could confide in her more than me. I no with time comes change but I do not know what to think. Last year my daughter was to the point of wanting to come live with me and my fiancee. She had been upset with her mother because of a lot of the things that had happened in her life with her mother. Loss of friends because of moving, loss of pets because she had to move and could not take them with her. She was making herself sick because of the pets Understand one thing my daughters pets were her security blanket. Finally my daughter told us she told her mother that she wanted to live with us. A month later her mom brought her a dog to replace the other pets she had lost. My daughter even went so far as telling a friend she has where we live that she knew her mother was bribing her to change her mind about living. Her mother then married the man she was living with and now life is constant chaos. He is telling my daughter stories and embellishing them. I think he tells her these things because he wants to appear big to her. He has a son that is near my daughters age but he lives three states away. My daughter has told me that he is unable to have visitation with his son. She says it is because his ex-wife is a b----. He told me on the phone though that he has had trouble with the law in the state he use to reside in and I wonder if it was abuse. For some reason his son can not visit him and his 24 year old daughter refuses to. It is to the point where he told me I am not to call to talk to my daughters mother concerning my daughter. My daughter has told my fiancee that where before we were able to be easy about visitation that they now want to go according to the paperwork. I now have my daughter 6 days out of 14. It will cut me down to everyother weekend from Thursday night after school through Sunday at 7. Also Tuesdays from after school till 7 at which time her mother is suppose to pick her up. I know that they will bulk about that but it is in our papers. I worry that I am going to loose my daughter. She is becoming a very angry child. She constantly tells lies to us and is getting worse. She seems to be drifting away from us and seems to have total alligience to her mother and her new stepdad. I know that he is causing part of this. He more or less has told me that his wife and him are happy, bought a new home together and do not want any interference from me. Understand it is not only me he has alienated. My ex no longer has contact with the biggest portion of her family. Her mother visited last year and he said such nasty things to her that her and her daughter no longer speak, she also does not talk to her sister. I feel that this man is verbally abusive and seems to be removing everyone from my daughters life except for him and my ex-girlfriend. There has to be a reason why? I would like to look into hiring someone to do some background work about him. Can anyone suggest any? Also how can I document the things that he is saying to me and in the background when I call. If I do get through to my ex and he is there he can be heard in the background calling me all kinds of things and until he starts in she is halfway civil, in fact the few times i have been able to talk to him without him being around she was east to talk to. Can anyone give me some advice?

Visitation Issues / Visitation and overall issues
« on: May 08, 2006, 03:37:43 PM »
I have questions that I am hoping maybe I can get some advice with.

I filed contempt charges against my ex-girlfriend over Thanksgiving. After that everything fell apart and I knew that it would. The weekend before our court date she finally hired an attorney and he counterfiled claims against me on the morning of court so needless to say it was continued and that was March.

She came back and said I denied her visitation from the past. (Lets see she is the primary caregiver so how could i have refused her when I pick my daughter up there?)

Too,up until the point where I was not being allowed to have her on holidays we always tried to negotiate (which usually meant i did not want a fight so i gave in) so we never went by our holiday schedule until she cut me out completely.

Then she said that I was taking action and saying things to erode the relationship between her and our daughter.  
1. I got upset when my daughter made reference to herself with my ex-girlfriends husbands last name and not mine.  Its on everything.
2.   I get upset when my daughter tells me that I do not have any right to make choices concerning her but then I am told by my daughter that she can not walk our family dog of 13 years who was raised with her because stepdad says she is not to.
3.  I get upset when everything is a competition and everything that is bought for her from their house is only purchased by stepdad. Her clothes, her toys, her pets.  My fiancee asked her once if mom never bought her anything and her response was mom pays the bills. All of that started because my fiancee bought her new school clothes.
So now we our going to try to hash it out in a room and if we can come to an agreement there will be no court date.

1. I feel that the only people that should be there for this meeting should be her attorney, my attorney and her and I. After all it is our daughter. My fiancee said she did not want to be there she feels that this should just be between the two of us and feels that I already know how she feels. She said your the parent not me. So consequently I do not want her husband in the room either.  Am I asking too much?

I went to pick my daughter up on my Thursday night visitation, I get her from Thursday night until Sunday at 7:00pm

She informs me that normally she goes to stepdads relatives house to catch the bus but relative is going to be gone so I will have to take her to school the next day.

I asked her how long have you guys known that this was going to be the situation and her reply was for a long time now.

Do I have the right to request that she give me alittle more advanced notice I could loose my job if it happened a lot and I know what she will say then don't keep her overnight on school nights. Thats not the problem I make my own schedule two weeks at a time but I would expect my employees to give me advanced notice if they were going to be late!

She wants more child support. Up unitl she got mad at me I had my daughter 6 days and nights out of 14. I never had the support lowered even though I could of cut it in half. I supply all clothing for her in my home and frequently buy her school clothes.  I supply all medical and dental insurance and even though she is to pay like 800.00 of first part that it not paid by the insurance I have never given her the first bill.  I am now making about 4.00 more on the hour when we originally started all of this but she is making more also. There is no longer child care so that is 40.00  less per week I supplied all the transportation since day one except with a few exceptions and she is suppose to pick her back up when she is receiving her.  Now she is mad and comes and get her just so I can not have her overnight.

Do you think that if I can prove that I had her that much and she was doing good in school and overall that the judge would grant me back 1 overnight during the week. I would do all of the driving.

Now she is at home more and is failing in school.

Sorry so long winded but it just burns me.

My ex-girlfriend and I have a 12 year old daughter. When we split up when my daughter was 5 we were awarded joint custody with her being the primary caregiver. Up until a year ago we were able to communicate with each other either by phone or in person as to our intentions as far as visitation and such. A year ago she became involved with a man that she recently married. From the point of his entrance into the whole situation I would no longer be able to contact or talk to her about my daughter unless he was present. Then it further esculated to the fact that everything had to be said via my daughter putting her into a position that caused and is causing her great distress.
Anyway I was to have my daughter from the 1st through the 15th of July, my daughter expressed the fact that she wanted to take her new dog to the 4th of July Fireworks and because I was have her on the 4th it being part of my summer schedule I told her she could stay with mom and stepdad and that I would pick her up the following day after work. Anyway then while she was with us my daughter told me that her mother and stepfather were going to a family reunion and that it would cut my visit even shorter. Well things happened and my daughter's greatgrandfather passed away so the trip for the reunion was canceled and I wanted my daughter after the funeral to be able to have some makeup time with her that I gave up because of her wishes. So I called and left a message for her mother to call me and she did not so I called there. I asked her what her plans were and if they were still going to the reunion. She exploded on me and then I could hear her husband in the background screaming obscenities and saying that he was her husband and that I did not have the right to call her anymore. So I asked her if he would talk to me, so she put him onto the phone,. He then preceded to tell me that she was his wife and that they had bought a home together and that he had given her a truck for her birthday and that they were doing great and that they did not need me to be causing trouble. I sat there in disbelief after he told me how his first wife cheated on him and that he did not want her talking to me. I then told him that because of the lack of communication and putting my daughter in the middle that my fiancee and I never knew what to expect or had anyway of making any of our own plans. I also told him that I was glad that they were doing so well but there needed to be communication among the adults concerning our daughter. So then he pretty much told me that where my daughter was concerned that I would have to talk to him and told me when he would be home and when I could call.
My question is this. Is there anything legally that I can do? I did not have a child with him and I understand that he is her stepfather but who has precedence here. He also went so far as telling me that he had problems with the police where he lived and that was why he moved here. He also told me that he can not see his own 13 year old son because his ex refuses him visitation, (they live 4 states away). I have a feeling that there is a reason why he can not have his son. He also has a 22 year old daughter who refuses to even see him and she does not live at home. Can you give me any advice as what to do? Is there a way that I can check into his background and see if he did anything bad that has caused him to loose vistitation rights. I am very concerned for my daughters well being with a man who seems to have a screw loose. I do not care that he married my ex all I want to do is have my time with my daughter and not having him dictate to me when and how?

Visitation Issues / summer visitation and summer school
« on: Jun 07, 2005, 05:59:00 AM »
 Every year I go through this. We have joint custody but when it comes to making decisions concerning my daughter I am left out in left field. My ex girlfriend signed our daughter up for summer school. I live in a town thats 30 minutes from where they live and she goes to school. I travel the same distance to work. I work 7-4. When my daughter is with me when she is not in summer school I make arrangements for her during the day while I am at work. My daughter told me that I am to drop her off at her mothers in the morning before school, she does to summer school from 8-12. A while back my ex got mad because she told my daughter that if I was at work then she should be the one that has her not my girlfriend. Well I started taking her as usual and then my daughter told me that my ex's husband was irritated because he had to watch her until I get off work and he could be doing something else. He works nights. I figured if they voluntarily signed her up for summer school and know that I have to work then they could figuare out what to do about a sitter until I get off. It would be extremely hard for me to find a sitter in their town since I do not know anyone there. Plus her mother works 12 hour shifts and only works certain days during the week. Am I being unfair because she did not consider my travel time when making the decision for her to go to summer school. The school did not request it she signed her up. My daughters grades are not good but it accounts to the fact that she will not apply herself she chooses not to. She just does not care when it comes to school and I do not feel any amount of sitting in a class is going to change that. She use to make good grades but is very self centered and has decided that its just boring and a waste of time.

Father's Issues / Would You turn them in?
« on: Jul 20, 2005, 04:55:59 PM »
My ex-girlfriend and her now current husband have done nothing but try to alienate my daughter from me for the last year. They are constantly telling me that I am trying to cause trouble for them when all I want to do is see my daughter and try to plan a portion of my own life. If plans get changed or things are to be different they go through my daughter. My ex use to talk to me and now is not allowed to via her husband. His exact words, "She now married and is my wife and we bought a new home together and she has a new truck I bought her for her birthday and we are happy and do not want you to cause us problems. All I wanted was an extra two days because I lost 5 in the beginning of my vistitation for summer because I was nice and let her mother have her for the 4th. I was suppose to get her on the 1st. Well anyway I have had it being the nice guy. This woman has had our daughter in 5 schools and she is just starting 6th grade. On top of that the school she will be going to is not the one she is suppose to be in. Her mother and stepdad moved out of her school district and now reside in another and her mother is going to lie and say she is living at an address within the limits. If she is caught my she will have to pay tuition and she knows that I know what she is doing. Well is she wants to lie thats one thing but I am tired of being part of the lie. The part that makes me sick is that she has taught my daughter that if you can not get what you want by telling the truth you lie. Which is one of the reasons we are not together. I kept hoping that her mother's habitual lying would not pass on to our child but I can see thats hopeless. Now she not only has a mother who lies but a stepdad who embellishes stories that anyone would question. So what would you do? Turn her in?

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