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Second Families / Hi Again!~
« on: Jul 15, 2015, 08:14:39 AM »
Hey folks! I haven't had much to share lately, but I'm having some mixed feeling that I need to vent.

SD is now 24 and has been estranged for 3 years. The PAS that DH's X did worked. We really thought Sd would figure it our when she got older but that hasn't come to pass.

Our only way of knowing if she is alive is through google searches and court records. Everything is locked down, so even the google searches don't come up with much anymore.

Last we saw, DH's X was going to court again with her lender for foreclosure on her home. From what records show she was not working with them to come to an agreement, surprise surprise. Her house was on the market and was just taken off. I'm assuming the foreclosure went through and the bank will list it now or it will go up for auction. You would think there would be a degree of schadenfreude and maybe there is but it is really buried.

His ex was a terrible person to DH and even worse, screwed up SD terribly. I don't feel for X but I know SD was living with her and now I'm so concerned about her. I also know we will have an impossible time knowing where in the world she is living. It makes me feel I am losing her again, even though the only "contact" we've had was finding a picture on google images or seeing her mom's court documents.

SD is sadly probably just as sick as her mom and I don't want that pain to be around DD. I don't want SD in our lives right now. I don't know what I want. I miss her. I think about her daily. She is a part of our lives that is missing but I don't know if I really want it back.   

Second Families / Blast from the past
« on: Jun 01, 2013, 02:08:32 PM »
Hi guys!

It's been a long time. I hope everyone is doing well.

My SD is now 22 years old. Our story, at least my part, started when she was only 5 years old.

SD has now cut us off for 2 years. I miss her terribly but am really concerned about reuniting. We have a wonderful 3 yo now and I don't look forward to introducing her into that drama.

I tried using my old techniques to find out where she is and how she's doing but she is very well hidden.

Take care,

Second Families / Old Member back for an update
« on: Mar 30, 2011, 10:30:22 AM »
I don't know if any of you remember me, buy I posted on here all the time between 2001 and 2008.

Just a brief summary:
DH was dealing with long distance relationship with SD. Typical PAS stuff. Mom lied about everything related to dad. Sd believed it all. I wont go in to the details because its mostly typical and terrible stuff you guys have dealt with. Dh followed the high road rules and never bad mouthed PBFH infront of SD.

Now SD is 20. It has been blissfully quiet on the PBFH front since she graduated high school. We since had a baby (Amelia) who is 17 months.

SD has turned into a manipulative SOB just like her mom. She threatens not to come visit if he doesn't send money. She lives with her mom now and goes to junior college. They both just lost their jobs. DH pays car and health insurance. Bought her a laptop and a car. Anyway, drama continues and it isn't looking good for DH and SD's relationship.

My biggest concern right now is my dd. I don't want her involved in any of this poison. None of it.

I just wanted to drop a line and let you guys know, and some of you newbies, that the decision you make to take the high road should be for your conscience to rest, not to expect a great outcome in the end. Although the fat lady hasn't sung, I honestly couldn't tell you that we did the right thing relative to DH and SD's relationship. The only thing I know is that we did the right thing for our conscience.

General Issues / BM took SD as a deduction on her taxes
« on: Jun 16, 2009, 07:35:13 AM »
Every year I extend our return because I'm a public accountant and by the time I get done doing everyone elses returns, I can't get to ours. Anyway, I just went to file electronically for Fed and State and the return was rejected because BM already filed with SD as a dependent.
This is DH's year to claim SD. He has all the docs required. Now we have to paper file.
So this is our problem. SD graduated highschool this year. DH is finally free from all the craziness of BM, for the most part. He would lose out on a chuck of cash if he lets it slide, but we are expecting a baby soon and could really use the cash. On the other hand, who needs the additional stress of a crazy BM in our lives anymore....
Anyway, to make a short story long :), if DH were to paper file and claim SD as he is entitled to, how will BM be notified? I am picturing a letter from the IRS stating that she underpaid and needs to pay back the money she got from claiming SD.
What do you think?

Divorce News / New tax law F'ing NCP
« on: May 25, 2009, 05:37:18 PM »
Hi guys!
I know tax season is far away, but I just wanted to let you know about a new tax law that could potentially f NCP's.
Sorry to pass on the bad news.

Second Families / Finally! She called and we gave her the news
« on: May 22, 2009, 06:23:58 AM »
After weeks of phone tag (thanks to BM still refusing to let DH call SD's cellphone), SD called. Dh asked her about prom and graduation. He talked to her about our visit coming up and then ...he told her that she was going to be a big sister.
After she shook off the shock, she was very happy and excited. What a relief! She asked to talk to me, which she hasn't done since before she turned 14. She asked me all sorts of questions and said she was looking forward to coming up this summer to help pick out baby things.
My initial guess about how she would handle it was that she would be happy but after she told her mom and her mom put her evil spin on it, SD will have a change of heart. I hope I'm wrong and just enjoying this moment right now.
Thanks to all of you for all the support and advice over the past 13 years. I don't know how we could have made it through without you.

Second Families / Tickets are purchased hotel rooms booked...
« on: May 12, 2009, 09:53:11 AM »
We finally got the invitation to SD's graduation. I am so excited for her and honestly for us as well.
Dh has been waiting to get the invitation to tell her that we are going to have a baby. That call should be tonight. I am pretty nervous. If I know her and her mom well enough, SD will be happy but once she tells her mom and hears her poison about it, she will turn around and be pissed. We will see though. I've been wrong once or twice in my life before. :)
Dh's going to help SD get a used car for her graduation present. Hopefully that financial incentive will keep things from getting too hostile.
Wish us luck!

For those of you that remember me, I have some great news. SD just turned 18 and is going to graduate in a couple of months! I am so excited! DH has 2 CS payments left, which means only 2 months to actually have to deal with PBFH!
Another bit of good news is, I am pregnant. DH and I are so excited. We are both in our mid-thirties and feel like this is a new beginnning.
The advice I need is, how do you recommend DH tell SD? We live very far, so it can't be face-to-face. For those that don't know the story, BM is seriously crazy and will make life as difficult as possible.  Graduation is at the end of May but I don't know if I just want to show up a giant and spring it on her and her mom.
Anyone have experience with this one?

Chit Chat / Caylee Anthony - who's the daddy?
« on: Feb 11, 2009, 10:37:55 AM »
After seeing parts of the funeral service yesterday on the news, an old questions about this case kept creeping back into my head.
With the lies that her mom seem to tell with every breath, I don't know if even the real dad knows he is the daddy.
It just saddens me that some man out there possibly missed the joy of having his daughter in his life for the short time she was on the earth. It also saddens me that this little girl might still be here if the daddy was know and in her life.
Sorry for the depressing topic, but I can't seem to stop wondering who this man is.

Second Families / Reality check needed
« on: Nov 09, 2008, 06:54:35 AM »
OK. BM is losing her marbles. I sent an email to SD asking if she was ok and wishing her well after her mom called the house saying that SD had an emergency. On the email I offered to call DH's cell if she wanted me to.
BM intercepted the email and replied to me on SD's account saying that I was not to be involved in SD's life and that she and SD were perfectly capable of calling DH's cell.
DH tried to call SD but BM answered and started yelling at him about money. He asked several times to what happened to SD and then asked to speak with her directly. BM said she would only pass the phone on if he listened to everything she had to say and proceeded to say disparaging things about him. He hung up the phone.
He sent SD an email saying that he tried to called her and hoped she was ok. He did say that her mom wouldn't put her on the phone. He offered to reimburse her for cellphone calls if he would give him her cellphone number (BM refuses to let DH have SD's cell number)
Low and behold BM sends an email from SD's account saying that DH is stupid and that she has all of SD's passwords and can delete any emails DH sends her at any time. She said she has never done that, but will in these circumstances.
DH resends his email to SD and BM writes "intercepted again!".  He resends again and she replies again saying "you aren't very smart are ya".
What to do? DH still doesn't know what is wrong with SD. He can't call or email her.
Ugh. We have 5 months and 22 days left. Does it really get darkest before the dawn?

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