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It seems that every week I have some different thing that I obsess over....

This week it is the clause in our divorce decree that requires my ex-husband to carry life insurance for the benefit of the children.  At the time it was written, my husband had a policy in the specified amount, but with me listed as the beneficiary.  I know that has changed, since he remarried less than a month later, and I am fairly certain he cancelled the policy altogether.

Is there any way I can compel him to provide proof of life insurance (without going to court)?  He is a high-risk type of person, and I would like to make sure my kids are taken care of if he kills himself jumping out of a plane or driving his truck or walking across the street.  (I just spent the last 5 years putting him through school--yeah, he dumped me in his last semester of law school--so I don't have a lot of resources right now.)

BM refused visits with my daughters (now ages 13 and 11) since March 2005.  We hired an attorney in September 2005, after numerous attempts to work things out outside of court.  He did not file a motion until February 2006--that was after some months of frustration and phone calls (and a few threats) from me.  But finally, a court date was set for the end of March.

Yesterday the attorney's assistant called to tell me that BMs attorney was requesting a postponement of the hearing, and strongly urged me not to fight it because BM would win anyway and it would just cost us more attorney's fees.

Today my attorney sent me a copy of BMs attorney's motion to postpone.  In it, BMs attorney had contacted my attorney a week ago, with no response from him or his office.  Also, included in the affadavit was argument that the hearing can easily be postponed because I have waited a year to do anything, so waiting longer won't matter.

I have felt for several months that my attorney has not properly represented me, but we stayed with him because 1. We did not want to further delay the hearing, 2. We have really liked his ideas and arguments for our case, and 3. He has been extremely patient in our payment arrangements.

QUESTIONS:
1. How will switching attorneys at this point affect the hearing?  A new date has not been set yet.

2.  I have considered representing myself--I'm a 2nd year law student.  How might this be viewed by the judge?  (We will have the same judge who ordered visitation stopped 3 1/2 years ago--she didn't like me much.)

3. Do I have a reasonable case to sue for malpractice, since BMs attorney is already using the delay and inaction to her advantage?  Should I wait to see how the hearing goes--cross our fingers and hope our attorney is not too busy to show up--or just get rid of him now?

I am in Oregon.  A few years ago, I was ordered by the court to participate in joint counseling with my daughters.  I completed the counseling at the center previously chosen by BM, as ordered.  A few of the sessions were just myself and the counselor, but apparently they are included in my daughters' files.  Last fall, I wrote to the center requesting those records.  State law and my parenting plan allow for it, and in the past the same counseling center has sent records to me with no problems.

We have been going back and forth ever since September.  I have made numerous phone calls and heard a variety of stories/excuses.  Yesterday, I drove to the city where the counseling center is (2 hours away.)  The director of the counseling center flat out refused to give me the records without a subpeona.  They actually told me that my behavior demonstrated why the girls were in counseling! (I was demanding, but not overtly angry or abusive in any way.)

The subpeona will definitely happen, since BM will not even communicate with me outside of court (or so her attorney writes.)  But I am livid that the center would treat me this way and so blatantly violate my rights to the records.


What legal recourse can I take against the counseling center for keeping my records away from me?

What difference is there in not receiving my own records and not receiving the records of my daughters?



Note: I will admit that this question in part is just pure vindictiveness.  I do not know that I would pursue anything beyond what is needed to get my parenting time back.  I hold a lot of blame for this counseling center for this whole mess--the original counselor testified in court 3 years ago that my daughters were not lying about me, but her own records indicated that my oldest admitted to lying.  (We had not the opportunity to see the records before court--yeah, I had a really inexperienced attorney at the time.)

In March 2005, BM again has refused to allow my parenting time.  I have not seen, nor spoken to my daughters since.  My wife spoke briefly on the phone with them in July (BM was not home at the time), and found out they had not received any of our letters, phone messages, etc.  Since then, BM has blocked our phone number.

Since March, BM has refused to respond to letters or phone calls.  I have also written to her attorney numerous times, and finally received a response (in August!)--that BM will not do anything outside of court.  

I have now contacted an attorney, but am struggling to come up with Retainer.  (I am a law student, maxed out on student loans, very bad credit that we are just now cleaning up, and we are in better financial shape than most of our family, so no borrowing from them.)

I am anxious to see my daughters!!  And I am afraid that my options with the court are disappearing the longer it takes to settle this up. (We are in Oregon.)

That's a lot of background for the one burning question I have:

1.  How long do I have (generally speaking) before the judge just says to keep things the way they are?

My husband and his ex signed and notarized a new parenting plan in September of last year.  The previous order said no visits until certain requirements were made, and my husband met all those requirements.  There were no attorneys involved.  We based the new parenting plan on the original one, making a few minor changes suggested by ex.  Ex agreed to file with the court, since we no longer live in that county.

I know it was stupid to trust her to do it, but we did and just found out that she never filed it.  She stopped allowing visits, and her attorney advised her to follow the previous order.  The attorney wrote a letter to the judge requesting that she not sign the new agreement.  We also sent a letter to the judge requesting that the order be signed, but have not yet been able to file it.

Question:
1. If we go ahead and file the agreement, can the judge really not sign it in as an order?

2.  If judge does not sign the new agreement, what is the best argument we have to get past that and get some parenting time going again?  Nothing happened from the time the new parenting plan was signed until ex stopped visits, and ex gave no reasons for stopping--just that she no longer agreed with parenting plan.

Thanks for your help....

My husband spoke with BM about reinstating visitation.  She wanted to make a few changes to the original parenting plan.  We are totally fine with the changes.  I found the form called "Stipulation to Modify Parenting Time Order; And Supplemental Judgment."  I assume this is what I need.

The are three different orders affecting visitation: the original parenting plan, a stipulated agreement from 2001, and the order from 2002 temporarily stopping visitation.

1. Do we specifically have to state to have the 2002 order set aside?  Or is it good enough to make the changes to the parenting plan (including the ones stipulated in 2001) and submit the whole thing like new?

(BM seemed to express to my husband that she wants to just have everything included in a new parenting plan, rather than add more changes....  And at this point we do what BM wants.)

Nearly two years ago, my husband's parenting time was halted until certain stipulations were met.  We have fulfilled those stipulations ("jumped through the hoops.")  Unfortunately, the court order was extremely vague--which means we are pretty much at the mercy of the BM.

As far as getting back to normal, the order says, "It is the goal that regular parenting time between DH and the minor children be reinstated at some point in the future...."  We are at that point--BM wanted 6 supervised visits, we have had 5.  SDs are anxious to come to Dad's house.  My husband thinks BM is tired of the whole thing now too.

We do not have an attorney, and I know BM would move VERY slowly if we tried to have her attorney write something up.  None of us want to head back to court.  I want to make absolutely certain things are filed correctly so we have something to fall back on when BM tries to pull her next stunt.  Also, because of brand new laws in Oregon, CS will be drastically affected by the change in visitation.

1. What do we do to officially get back to the regular parenting time as ordered by the original parenting plan?

Just curious.... I was going through my husband's "Child Support" file and noticed that the same judge signed every single order in there.  There were a few times that she crossed off another judge's name and signed her own.  This is in a huge county in a major metropolitan area.  And it was 6-7 orders that she had signed over 4 years.

The reason I noticed this time through was because it was the same judge that halted my husband's visitation rights in October 2002.  (All of the child support orders except one were prior to 2002, and before my husband ever stepped foot in her courtroom.)  She also ordered herself to be the judge of record for his case--NOT a good thing for us.

Question:  Is it usual for a judge to take such an interest in one particular case?  Or do you think it is just a bunch of weird coincidences?

My husband's scholarship pays for 90% of his "college expenses"--including room and board, tuition and fees, books and supplies, and childcare.  (In certain programs, laptop computers are REQUIRED, in which case the scholarship program will also pay for 90%.)  The university calculates these expenses and forwards the numbers to the scholarship program--we have no say in the matter, and are not required to provide receipts or anything (except the child care costs.)

Every college gives this list and the costs as part of the Financial Aid Award--they then deduct scholarships and grants from the amount and tell you what the "parental contribution" should be.  There is always room for interpretation... but I think that it is a pretty accurate and well-defined list of "college expenses."

I am very interested to hear what Soc has to say about this.....

My SDs are 12 and 13.  We just restarted every other weekend visits, but it is a graduated schedule, so right now we see them about 9 hours EOW.  Recently, I have been in different situations where the topic of online safety/online sexual predators has been discussed.  (I haven't been looking for information, it just keeps finding me.)  So my concern is growing about SDs.

BM is CP.  BM is not the brightest bulb, and I sincerely doubt her ability to monitor SDs online, especially since OSD has had her own laptop now for about 2 years, and both SDs have their own cell phones now.  I know we could talk with SDs about online safety, but when it comes to actual rules that are practiced, we know SDs know how to work the situation--Tell Dad exactly what he wants to hear.  BM will only communicate with us through an attorney--that adds up!  (Stepdad is also non-communicative, I've never spoken with him in the 7 years I have been with my husband and have only seen him in court.)

Does anyone have suggestions/experience in how to have a real discussion with CP about a real concern?  My husband would LOVE to get all 4 parents together and discuss the issues, go to parenting classes, whatever.  BM keeps pulling the "he's so controlling, I can't talk to him" card.