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Author Topic: Which way to go?  (Read 6730 times)

dsm

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Here's what I would do
« Reply #10 on: Oct 25, 2004, 12:46:04 PM »
There is nothing that specifies that the kids have to go to their father's house first, right?  It just says after school until 8pm on Wednesdays, right?  Well, then.  You take your court order to the school and pick them both up from school just in case he has filled them with a load of crap.  Leave your ex a message after you've picked them up that you have them and will return them as scheduled at 8pm.  You also draft a letter to him stating that you understand the court order to read that you have the children from after school until 8pm and that you will be picking them up from this day forward; that it was no longer working for them to take the bus and/or be dropped off by him or his wife due to it taking away precious quality time with the children.

Then you let him just go ahead and blow steam.  If there is nothing stating that you cannot pick them up, then he has no right to say that you have to go by his bidding on this issue.  

Good luck!  :)

==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 37
SD - 15
LO - 8
BB - 17 months
------------------
2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is.


dsm

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So YOU write the note
« Reply #11 on: Oct 25, 2004, 12:51:01 PM »
Take the appropriate measures with the school.  I am assuming that you share legal custody, yes?  So use this.  Go to the school with your order that states that every Wednesday the kids go to you directly after school and that you will make the arrangements for that to happen - either you pick them up from school yourself or they ride the bus directly to your house.  Inform the school of what your intent is and then do it.  Copy your ex as an FYI thing and CYA thing for communication.  Without a restraining order or some sort of court order keeping you from this, the school should go along with it.

 
==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 37
SD - 15
LO - 8
BB - 17 months
------------------
2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is.

Kitty C.

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Hey, dsm!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
« Reply #12 on: Oct 25, 2004, 01:43:25 PM »
Long time, no see!  How ya been, girl??!!
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

dsm

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Hey Kitty!
« Reply #13 on: Oct 26, 2004, 03:23:47 AM »
Nice to see ya' and other regulars out here.   I've been a bit out of the loop for a little while - catching up.  Sorry to see that there are still so many that are fighting this fight....I wish people would just get over themselves and put the kids first.  *sigh*

Things here are holding steady.  SD is a freshman in high school and doing okay.  She shows your typical teenage angst every so often, but I guess that's to be expected.   Her mom still is a loser and hasn't changed her ways (no disrespect to the moms out here who are good moms - this one just isn't).   LO is in 3rd grade this year and continues her recovery from GBS - it's a long road and her cognitive skills have taken such a hit.  But we're rebuilding and she's doing great.  BB is 17 months old and continues to be a handful.  He's such a demanding child - people told me that he would be relaxed and fall into the routine and just be - because he would know no different....HA!  I'd like to know what fantasy world that came from!!!!  :)  He's a climber and has no fear of anything - I'm debating taking my kitchen cabinet pulls off...he's so fast at climbing up them!   DH and I have our 11th anniversary coming up this weekend.  He's promised me a night out so we'll see what happens.  

How's things with you?
==============================================================================

dsm - 34
DH - 37
SD - 15
LO - 8
BB - 17 months
------------------
2 Cheap Entertainment cats - Snoop & Dagger - 5 years and counting.....
dsm - 44
DH - 48
SD - 26
LO - 19
BB - 12
1 demon who provides cheap entertainment of the fluffy and furry kind.

My mantra - it's time for me to do for me and mine so we can live in the present and not fret about the past nor worry about the future.  What is, is.

I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: Here's what I would do
« Reply #14 on: Oct 26, 2004, 04:35:43 AM »
Thanks all for your input.

I'm taking a little bit of everyone's advice. As Soc advised, I will write my X a letter and tell him my intent. (Not so soon as to give him any time to do anything about it, except leave work early to fight the issue that day, lol.)

I will also advise the school in advance and provide them with my court order. They already have part of my order as he did pull a bunch of crap last year. Tho at that time, the kids were coming directly to my house, so the Wednesday's were not an issue at that time.

Sometimes I feel so petty worrying about a few hours. But when that's all ya have...it's a lifetime.


Kitty C.

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It's been a roller coaster!
« Reply #15 on: Oct 26, 2004, 06:51:41 AM »
DS and I moved out for 3 weeks in Feb. because of DH's drinking..........I'd finally had enough and felt that DS and I didn't have to be treated that way.  It was the proverbial 2x4 upside DH's head and he's been clean and sober ever since!

He and DS still had some issues, DH with his abusive upbringing and DS with his ADHD and being a typical teenager.......that came to a head this summer when DS's therapist reported DH for emotional abuse.  It ended up being afounded report too, which is rare for the allegations.  That was a HUGE turning point as well for us all.  I have to commend DH on his ability to rise above it all......he's even been mediating arguments between DS and me!

SS palyed youth football this fall and I was asked by the event coordinator to supply EMS support.  PBFH managed to get every Sun. afternoon off for SS's games.....she can't have much vacation time left!  And it probably didn't set well with her to see me down on the field for every home game, especially where I could talk to SS anytime he was on the sidelines!  He's showing just a little more every day that he has his dad's personality and stubbornness!  He's still chomping at the bit since PBFH still keeps a pretty tight rein on him.  I wonder what she's going to do next year when he's in middle school!  It's probably gonna freak her out when she finds out that he has his first 'dance' (5th grade introduction to middle school) this coming spring!  And my connections at the middle school are still very strong as well!

So things are going MUCH better at home......while my work life has taken a nose dive.  My position in my dept. was eliminated (I was notified the end of July) and I'm still looking for another in the system.  Thank God I've got 11 years seniority.....they can't get rid of me that easily!  I will eventually find another position, but the limbo feeling ain't that much fun.

A 17 month old on wheels, huh????  Better you than me, LOL!  :-)
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

FLMom

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Fair Warning re: after school
« Reply #16 on: Nov 01, 2004, 09:40:05 AM »
Your ex and mine could be twins!

I wanted to give ya a reality check on this from someone who's been there and done that. It's calm for now, but this last year was bleech.

It sounds like your ex is a control freak with anger management problems. No matter how logical it may be according to the court order, he will fight it tooth and nail. .  if not in court then by messing with your kids' heads. It matters not in the least if something is best for the kids, it's about him getting his way. You cannot fight this on his level because if you're like me and you finally hear his explainations later down the road you'll be just as confused as you are now.

Your saviour in this is that schools do not like to TOUCH custody matters. If it's in writting then that's what they're gonna do----PERIOD. For example, I called my kids' new school after their dad had moved to see when classes started and what day the open house was. They refused to tell me anything. Turns out ex had left me off of all of the paperwork, as if I didn't even exist. The line that said "mother" was literally left blank. (BTW, be sure that the school has your emergency numbers and other info or else you'll never see a report card or progress report). Anyhoo, I went in there the next day with the court order--you should have seen their faces. Had the kids hang off to the side while they took all of the court documents and copied them to the kids' files, and also gave me copies of the papers the ex had filled out.

Now, for a big fair warning here. Do not be suprised in the least if you spend thousands of dollars and hundreds of hours getting ready for court and then your daughter wants to remain living with her dad after telling you different. I had the EOW and a few hours on Wednesday, and boy do I hear ya when you say how precious those hours are. I only had until 7 pm, and those nights when I dropped them off and knew I wasn't going to see them until the following Wednesday---I just cried the forty-five minutes all the way home. My kids felt the same way, but the oldest knew something and protected her siblings----If I choose for us to live with mom dad will hate me and never speak to us again, but I know if I choose dad I can have both of them. The judge wasn't a dummy. She got both, BUT with a judge in the near past the ex doesn't pull anything like he used to.

In cynical hindsight, here's what I would have done. Not once would I have cowtowwed to his outbursts. I would have shown up every minute the original order said--every minute--and documented everything with police reports. Every time that he pulled his ridiculousness I would have documented it then after three or four times filed for contempt. Over and over, week after week, as many times as it would have taken. At that point I would have requested a GAL meet with our daughter on a regular basis so when she started to be threatened and intimidated I wouldn't have had to stand on the sidelines and let it happen.

Kids SOOOO deserve to have both parents as an influence in their lives. I guess that's why I get into a rant like this. You got a raw deal. Hate to go against advice here, but I wouldn't have sent a letter. It's almost as if you have to beg for what's rightfully yours, that precious time. The judge may have done his damage already, but your ex is really stepping in it if he alters the new verdict. Stand hard and tough. I don't know where you are, but here in FL there is a state minimum on visitation time which is EOW and one afternoon a week. Minimum being the keyword. Found out after the fact that THAT was the reason the ex did that after three years of 50/50--cause his lawyer told him that was the least time he could give me and not get arrested for it. If you're getting less than state minimum, then that's another contempt.

Sorry for the long post, but I just get so frustrated that ANY parent, man or woman, would do this to their kids. It's unreal.

Best of Luck and Be Strong!
FLMom

I cry_ in_the_dark

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RE: Fair Warning re: after school
« Reply #17 on: Nov 02, 2004, 03:49:55 PM »
I so appreciate your post.

I'm not sure if there is a state minimum here. I was soo screwed by the court system. If you  read my actual court order, your jaw would hit the floor.

I'm writing a new post after the events of today...would so love another response from you.

 

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