Which way to go?

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

Last November, my X gained custody of our two children.

Part of my custody order states that I have visitation, "Every other Wednesday after school until 8:00 PM.".

Last year, my girl rode the bus to my house after school on that day, and would arrive at 2:30 PM. For what ever reason, my X refused to allow my son to ride the bus to my house, so he or his new wife dropped him off at 3:40 PM.

This year, my 13 year old girl is in high school and he is refusing to allow her to ride the bus to my home. This is something she wants to do, as it gives her 1 1/2 hours of alone time with me before her brother gets here to do school work etc. He is insisiting that instead of riding the bus to my house, I drive to pick her up at his house. As well, I'd be perfectly willing to pick my girl up directly from school.

Also, he is now refusing to deliver my son to my house. He is insisting that after picking my girl up at 2:30 PM that I return to pick up my son at 4 PM.

I have offered to pick both children up directly at the school. He is refusing that as well.

Is my X not in contempt of court? After all, my court order says "after school". It does NOT say one hour after school, or 2 hours after school. If he is...my question is... do I advise him  via letter that if he doesn't do something to correct this situation that I will in fact file contempt charges? Or do I just go ahead and file the charges( along with other miscellaneous items. I have had enough and my kids are very upset.) I am pro se. My girl is very upset that she is losing this time with me, as we have always concentrated this time on doing homework. Her grades are now slipping from straight A's because they won't/can't help her.

My other option at this point is...to arrive at the school tomorrow to pick my children up with my court order in hand.

HELP. (One and a half hours is nothing? It IS when that is all you have for that week!!!)

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

Ugh!!!

Now I have this to add: I just got off of the phone with my girl. (I recorded this phone call.)

My son had a Dr. appt. at 5:30 PM to which I attended (regarding his ADHD).
 We laughed and giggled in the waiting room at the Dr.  Now she's in trouble? Dad told her if she didn't straighten up, she would wait until 5 PM to come to my house. We are clueless as to why this was said?


I have a serious idea that I will be at the school tomorrow to pick her up. I'm done playing games. Or maybe I should say, now I'm going to START playing the game.

[Kitty C.]

How close in proximity do you live to your ex and the kids' schools?  The reason I ask is because many judges will not rule against a determined teenager............if you know what I mean.

Also, if your CO states that visitation starts 'after school is out' but says NOTHING in regards to how the children are to get to your home, it sounds like there's nothing stopping you from picking them up at the school.  But a LOT will depend on your relationship with the school as well.  Just reember that many do not or will not get involved in a custody dispute.

Any possible chance of talking to your ex to find out why all this is going on.....or maybe getting a mediator involved to get to the bottom of it?  

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

I live about one mile from the school, and two miles from his house. He is about 3 miles from the school.

(From your reply...I'm thinking that you may have misunderstood something? The kids WANT to come directly to my home after school.)

Last year, my girl rode the bus or walked to my house from school. This year, he is insisting that she ride the bus to his house, which eats into our visitation time. More important than that, it is cutting into her homework time as well.

Last year, as he knew he was being bad by not allowing my son to ride the bus to my house, he or his wife delivered my boy here. Now he is insisting that  after going to get my daughter at 2:30 that I return at 4:00 to pick my son up. (Further cutting into my daughters homework time.)

Talk to him? He didn't even advise me that he was changing "the routine".  My daughter called me on Wednesday morning to advise me that her dad refused to write her a note to have her ride the proper bus to my home, nor would he in the future. Then he didn't advise me that he was not delivering our son.

Mediator? The mediator advised the courts to leave the children in my custody. How my X ended up with custody is a whole other ugly story.

[Kitty C.]

No, what I meant was, would your daughter be determined enough to come to your house on her own?  Judges rarely rule against a child's feet and if she's determined enough, like getting on the bus to YOUR house instead of his, she can eventually make the decision by her actions.

But like I said, it doesn'e sound like there's anything in the CO that prohibits you from picking up the kids at school anyway, so I'd give that a shot.  Just be careful, tho.  Because you're gonna get a backlash from your ex, guaranteed.  Like if you think he'd take it out on the kids if they disobeyed him on this.....somthing to think about.

Just make sure you're documenting all this.  Another thing:  remind the kids that they can ALWAYS talk to a teacher or counselor at school, if they would feel better about talking to someone objective.  Another way of documenting how this is affecting the kids.....aka ammo in the long run.....

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

About a month ago, my daughter advised her dad for the first time, that she was not happy there. She told him she wanted to come back here. He's been an SOB ever since.

Yes, I think she is at the point to disregard him. She told me last night that she just doesn't care anymore. (Care about what? She's scared to death of him. WAS, I should say.)

I've never advised her to do anything against "the courts". The night she was to leave for her dad's custody, I had to call the police to remove her from my home, as she refused to leave.  The officer that came here was someone I knew. He told her that night that if she ever "ran away" she could very likely be put in a foster home. She's had that in her mind ever since. But I do believe she now is ready to fight the battle. She actually stood up to him last night.

My dilemna is trying to get her to understand that I want her back here more than anything, without encouraging her to "disobey" him. So how do you suggest I get her to do exactly as you said...use her own feet?
At the same time, let it be her own mind that made her decision.

In addition to that, 75% of the time nobody is there when she gets to her dad's anyways. They wouldn't even know where she was after school :-(

[Kitty C.]

Unfortunately, your cop friend isn't exactly correct.  It would take more than even a few times for them to take the drastic action of yanking her out of either home.  

Here's the deal, tho.  Are YOU ready for another court battle, especially financially?  It's possible that your daughter, having heard what that cop said, might make up her mind that any place is better them what's she's having to deal with now.  All you can do is remind her that you love her very much and are trying to do all you can to take care of her.

So if she does do something, either running away or at least running to YOU, be prepared to file for modification based on her actions.  Kids don't take that drastic a step without good reason.  If you haven't already get copies of that recent report, too.

I can't remember if you have said whether she's in counseling or not, but if not, I would suggest this as well.  It would give her an objective person to talk to about the issues she's dealing with.  And that info can be used to solidify your modification reasons, as well.

It does sound like she's getting more determined with each passing day.  Just keep reminding her (like you don't already!) that you love her and are doing all that you can to take care of her.  It sounds like she's a pretty intelligent young lady and is figuring out a LOT of this all on her own.  Just keep your ear to the ground with her.

[I cry_ in_the_dark]

Exactly as I said. I just went to pick her up and nobody but her was there. I had a camera with me, imagine that.

[skye]

We went through this issue and I want to be clear  our order says from the time school gets out until 8pm and the judge stated that meant she could pick them up at the time school releases from the school and that it shuld go without saying, if school releases early she gets them at that time....If there is no school she can pick them up from our home at the time that school would normally release..

The judge said this should go without saying.. SO my advice be at the school wed. morning with a copy of the order make sure you are on the list to pick up and have the office inform the children to report to the office where you will be waiting when school releases from this point on ...on wednesdays you be there and pick them up and have the order with you on hand every time AND have a copy filed at the school in their records.

[MixedBag]

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