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Author Topic: Horrific Custody Battle  (Read 9559 times)


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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #10 on: Aug 04, 2004, 02:21:11 PM »
There are many here who are on that same road with you.  If it gives you any comfort.....you are not alone!  You have friends and fellow travelers here.


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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #11 on: Aug 04, 2004, 02:25:33 PM »
That is of some comfort. Thank you. Read installment 5 tonight. It just gets worse and worse believe me.


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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #12 on: Aug 04, 2004, 06:19:23 PM »
Apparently you have good attorneys...but GOOD LORD, this is ridiculous! You need a forensic psychologist who is renown for interpreting PAS.  False allegations of sexual abuse are considered severe PAS and you should look into the Marks v. Ayslworth case, here is the link...
 to find out who his forensic psychologist was/is.  The case laws in this case should also be looked at.  Good luck, and I feel as if I am reading a novel... and I am used to finishing a book in one day...can't wait, although I am almost sick at realizing the worst is likely yet to come....


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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #13 on: Aug 05, 2004, 09:53:03 AM »
U left us hanging Aussie??? We are waiting in suspense for "PART 5".


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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #14 on: Aug 05, 2004, 05:14:06 PM »
Sorry ... uploading in a few minutes. I had my daughter an extra day and I did not want to be distracted.


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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #15 on: Aug 05, 2004, 05:22:08 PM »
My FTC is on this case also so I am familiar with it. I am just not as high profile as she is.

The AZ courts recognize PA but not PAS. Without PAS achieving the DSM-IV designation it is hard to get the theory into the courts because of evidenciary standards - Frye in Arizona's case. I am not a lawyer but I am told that this is one of the problems with PAS as things stand today.

The issue in my mind is more that the state and its agencies - primarily CPS in this situation find it hard to believe that mum's can and do file false allegations of child abuse. It is a system at least in my jurisdiction run by women in totality and it is hard to get them to see as I have said before that not all of us armed with a penis use it in such malevolent ways. I found and still do find a huge reluctance on the part of the CPS CM, Child Therapist and GAL - all women to recognize that perhaps there is something more clandestine going on here.

I did not intend to write a book here although I am working on one because I have been through it all. I merely want to share what I have been through ahead of my trial so that after we are done this month that I can then report back to the community at large and hopefull share some of the lessons that I have learned.


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I would suggest . . .
« Reply #16 on: Aug 05, 2004, 05:56:34 PM »

The Very next time your ex has your daughter subjected to a pelvic exam to attempt to make another accusation of abuse You petition the court for custody and cite physical, mental, and sexual abuse as the reason. Have the attorneys tell the Judge your ex has and is subjecting your daughter to continious, and unwarrented gynocologial exams.  Tell the Judge there have been numerious calls to CPS by mother and while you fully understand the need for said agency to investigate these claims and perform such exams, to date all reports made have been unsubstanciated. To continue these actions is detrimential to your daughter health and well bring. The only way these actions by mommy dearest will stop is to change the custody and order mommy dearest have only supervised visits and therapy.

What she is doing Can and Will have a long lasting  negitave effect on your daughter. Her views on sexuality, men, doctors, police and other officials will become damaged and she will begin to see herself as a victim of abuse.

Personally I think I would be in court filing a petition the minute you hear from CPS. This will not stop and eventually your D will give in just to shut them all up. And that my friend, will probably land You in jail.

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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #17 on: Aug 05, 2004, 07:10:20 PM »
Email this man deantong@aol.com

He was fasley accused of child molestation to his young daughter, CPS interview his child with leading questions and so on you know the drill. Anyways he was convicted and sent to prison for 10yrs.

Now he works with very good attorneys, forensic scientist etc, he is the one that started the use of penile testing, basically its like a lie detector, they put in on a mans private area and then they show him a series of pics, and as many know men cannot control erections,  they monitor the erectiions ets and its admisable in court.

Do a google search on this man, I think you will enjoy the research and what you find out.

Here is some info on this man

Who is Dean Tong?
Guest Expert, Consultant, Author and Speaker

Dean Tong is an internationally known family rights and forensic consultant on child abuse, domestic violence, and child custody cases.

Dean Tong qualifies as an expert in false child abuse accusations cases under Florida Statute Ch. 90.702 and under Federal Rule of Evidence 702.

Tong, a published author, speaker and consultant retained by parents and attorneys in 41 states, has appeared on more than 2000 radio talk shows over the past 13 years and numerous TV programs, and in articles in the Boston Globe, Washington Times and Ft. Lauderdale Sun-Sentinel, Christian Science Monitor, Richmond Times-Dispatch, and The Washington Post. Dean Tong appeared as a guest child abuse-custody expert on August 2, 1999 on COURT-TV (Johnny Cochran Tonight) and on Crier Live on September 30, 2002. Contributor to the recently published booklet LOVE & LOATHING: Protecting Your Mental Health and Legal Rights When Your Partner Has Borderline, Personality Disorder.

Dean Tong is the author of three books:
Elusive Innocence,
Ashes to Ashes...Families To Dust,
Don't Blame ME, Daddy,
and the creator of the video/audio series:
Sexual Allegations in the '90s: Tools You Can Use,
In Fear Of Fathers: Defense Strategies For The Falsely Accused.
Academy of Behavior Profiling - Affiliate Member of the Forensic Section

CFP (Coalition for the Preservation of FatherHood), Advisory Board Member

CRC (Children's Rights Council), member

ISN (International Speakers Network), lifetime member

PMA (Publisher's Marketing Association), member

Board of Directors, National Fathers Resource Center
The Speaker
Dean Tong presented Borderline Personality Disorder in High Conflict Divorce Cases September 24-26, 1999 at the Childrens Rights Council Conference in Washington, DC. Call 1-800-787-KIDS for more information.

Dean Tong presented Child Abuse 2000: False Allegations and Parental Alienation Syndrome at the November 7, 1999 National Cry for the Children Rally in Washington, DC. Visit http://www.nationalcryforchildren.org to order a copy of his compelling speech!

Dean Tong, in April 2000, addressed Fathers for Equal Rights-Denver and dvmen.org-Colorado Springs Dean Tong, on Fathers Day 2000, was the *Keynote Speaker* at fathersday2000.org (supply HTML link here please) at the Capitol in Washington, DC.

Dean Tong, in September 2000, presented alongside the Honorable Senator Anne Cools from Canada, addressing the group Fathers Are Capable Too. See fact.on.ca

Dean Tong, in May 2001, presented for the fifth time in the last ten years at the Children's Rights Council in Bethesda, MD. His workshop was entitled CAUGHT IN THE CROSSFIRE: Dispelling the Myths in Child Abuse and Custody Cases.

Dean Tong presented TRICKS ARE FOR KIDS: Recent Developments in Children's Suggestibilities to the organization VOCAL NY - FRONT on November 17, 2001 and COUNTERING 209A's and 51A's to the organization FATHERHOOD COALITION on November 19, 2001, both in Massachusetts.

Dean Tong, in October 2002, presented for the sixth time in the last ten years at the Children's Rights Council in Hanover, MD. His workshop was entitled True & False Child Abuse Allegations.

Dean Tong presented "There's Help for Canadians in Abuse Cases" on December 28, 2002 at the Saskatoon Inn in Saskatchewan, Canada. For more information please e-mail Jeff at ukrca@sasktel.net

Dean Tong presented "Abuse: A War Against Fathers and Families" at the Million Dads March on the west steps of the United States Capitol on Father's Day June 15, 2003

Dean Tong is available for national or regional media interviews. Please call Lily Goodsell at (813) 671-4190 or (813) 278-8356 (pager) to make arrangements.

Dean Tong is a member of the Justice For All Speakers Bureau | http://www.justiceforallspeakers.com

Dean Tong is available to speak in your city on abuse-related/sexual harassment issues. Please call Lily Tong at 1-813-671-4190 for Mr. Tong's speaking fees and to coordinate arrangements.

The website is: http://www.abuse-excuse.com/ae_about.html

I went to a seminar and have the tape it was very informative.

**These are my opinions, they are not legal advice**


  • Guest
RE: Can there be an end to this insanity?
« Reply #18 on: Aug 05, 2004, 08:42:14 PM »

All parties agree to head mum off at the pass. They tell her that she cannot take Sydney to the doctor for any physical examinations and they confirm this with the doctor. Mum cancels the appointment. For me at least it is pretty easy to conclude that denied the option to take our child for yet another round of invasive physical exams mum suddenly loses interest. I did reluctantly get the CM and the therapist to agree on the phone that mum’s conduct was unusual and that they could not figure out how our child got better so fast. I cannot help feeling that if I did that there would be hell to pay but as I have said many times before the system just makes it harder for men even if they are right.

About a week later my attorney receives a motion to relocate. The basis although flimsy for it is that I have taken all of her money and she cannot support herself, that she wants to take care of her aging parents – they are in their sixties and are both healthy and travel the US each and every year in an RV, she will transfer with her job. I found the timing of this request to relocate very interesting. It had never been mentioned before in the context of mediation or the CE. In fact during the CE we were both asked about potential relocation and she denied that it was something she was considering. Well, I can spell out for you all what the intention was CUSTODIAL INTEREFERENCE. Having been unable to make the first lot of CPS charges stick she decided that this was her only option. If only that fact had been true I would have been very excited.

With the help from my FTC we submit peer review articles and white papers to our judge on this subject to help demonstrate the clear case of custodial interference. We object to the request which means that this item too will be heard at our trial. Mum knows I cannot move to MI. I have no family ties (mine live on the left coast), no business interests etc. so the move would be devastating to me in many ways.

A meeting is called with the therapist, GAL and the parents plus our respective counsel. The therapist and GAL go through this list of concerns that did have some merits. There is still a pervasive level of denial in the room that mum could have been making any of the stuff up even though we have seen several CPS accusations come and go. There is a sense that our child’s loss of advocacy relative to CPS is a big issue because mum has cried wolf so often. The state appears to have an informal 3 strike policy that they seem to pay attention to. I have NEVER made a referral despite being very tempted to do so.

The therapist documents that our child still needs her own sleeping quarters amongst other things. This item turns out to be important so remember it as it will appear later on in the story. The therapist refuses to accept that mum lied but she reluctantly agrees that she too will defer to the court appointed CE who had a PhD and that there were no signs that any sexual abuse had occurred at the hands of dad. The GAL openly states that she believes mum has told the truth even though there are now signs that there are gaps in her story. It is like the system is closing ranks behind mum.

Trial is still set for the end of February.

The latter part of the year passed without incident when compared to the earlier part of 2003. Some minor issues like phone access happen along the way but for the most part all is quiet. Something as simple as phone access might seem just that but my child’s mother has turned the phone into a weapon. As part of the CE I got telephonic access recognized and made a part of the court order but that does not necessarily mean that I can count on it. Mum times all phone calls – tells my child that she needs to get off the phone after 4 minutes whether my child is done or not. I have chosen a different path. I do not restrict when she can call, what she can talk about when she calls – she tapes all my calls and thinks nothing of jumping on the line if she does not like it but most of I allow my child to make the decision when the call is done. I think my child should be allowed to decide when she is done with her conversation not when I think that she should be. I have finally concluded that it is just another way to control the relationship between my child and me.

December 2003 arrives and I make a decision with my legal team that a full psychological evaluation of mum is needed because the FTC is concerned about the pattern of allegations – malicious mummy syndrome, PTSD, BPD, Bipolar etc. We motion the court and she finally responds and says that she does not think our choices of psychologists are inappropriate. It is a common practice for her to object without providing other options. Finally a status conference is called and her attorney suggests a name that nobody has ever heard of. With the help of my FTC we dig into her name because we have a limited amount of time to do so. It turns out that this psychologist is a personal friend of her attorney. I call him up and ask him about his practice and come to find out that he specializes in the treatment of SVPs (sexually violent people for those who are not up on this particular acronym) and he has little/no experience with the problems that my child’s mother appears to be suffering from. At the end of the conversation I casually asked him if he knew mum’s attorney and he responded that he had known him socially for many years. I am sorry but I do not think that is appropriate conduct for counsel. I have subsequently drafted a complaint letter to the AZBAR but I will wait until after trial to send it. I do not want counsel derailing this hearing again for something unrelated.

We go around and around on this and finally my counsel presents the data I gathered on this in middle January regarding the SVP specialist chosen by my child’s mother and her counsel through a motion to the court and we again ask for one from our list to be appointed. They decide not to respond at this point because clearly the information gets back to him that I had a conversation with this doctor his friend. The delay is so chronic that we are forced to ask for a delay in the trial and we are reset to the middle of April so that the psychological evaluation can occur. I agree to go see the same doctor and go through the same process so that there can be no accusation that I was not willing to walk the same walk.

March rolls around – it took that long to get the signed order from the court and I arrange to go and see the psychologist and do his psychometric testing – objective and subjective. Mum waits a few more weeks and then sets her appointment 3 days before trial. Clearly this tactic was designed to frustrate the trial date and lo and behold they motion the court for another delay. We cannot object because that would mean going without the report that the doctor is now working on. Mum rationalizes her timing because she cannot get time off of her job. The only problem as we come to find out later she had left her job weeks prior to this appointment with the psychologist and before she ever set a time to see him.

Apparently when mum went to see the psychologist she could not help but think of me. When she got there she made as he put it an “outrageous and outlandish” allegation that I had been in counseling since I was a teenager. She told the doctor that she could prove it through written records. It should be noted that to date she has provided this doctor nothing to substantiate the claims that she made that day. Once I found out through counsel I signed releases to all insurers over a 10 year period to support my position. We know today that I did in fact tell the truth and that was yet another of those false allegations. However the doctor felt duty bound to investigate nonetheless. He said that while these types of last minute allegations are not unusual the nature and veracity of the allegation was something he had not seen before. I told him that it was entirely consistent with the wild allegations that she had made about everything else so why not. The results of the testing are not in yet – yes I know it is late but we have been summoned back separately to see the psychologist to review the test results next week. It should be very interesting indeed.

We are getting to the end of this part of the story. Maybe one or two more parts and then my thoughts. I urge you to stay interested because like I said it only gets better. I will do my best to deliver the next part quicker but believe me as someone famous once said, you ain’s seen nothing yet.


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RE: You are Wrong about the abuse . . .
« Reply #19 on: Aug 05, 2004, 08:47:32 PM »
You will all be glad to know that Dean is on my team. He is the FTC that I refer to in my posts. He has been invaluable. He can be a little crazy at times but I firmly believe that is because he passionately care about the cases he handles. He has been there for day 1 and he will be coming to trial in less than 3 weeks to consult and be at counsel table. I have great faith in Dean's insight and I trust his judgment.

The smartest thing I ever did was to hire Dean within days of finding out about the first accusation. His advice may sometimes sound like it is contrary to the way you need to go but as I have found out for the most part he is on the money. If anyone wants a more detailed & specific review of Dean send me a message and I will respond but I do not think it serves any of us to post my entire Tong experience in this thread.

Suffice to say if you are in a bind and you have been wrongly accused or your ex/partner is out to get you then Dean is a must have. Thanks for your advice but I already had this part in hand!


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