Bluecat...
I think your answer in court is just as you stated here -- you didn't REFUSE all parenting time, you simply wanted the time adjusted due to the absence of the father.
I'm retired military -- and both a CP and NCP....
Yes, deployments are/were part of my job/career so in many senses, they should be "foreseen" and inevitable.
As the CP, if my girls' dad was deployed and he said "I still want them to spend time with SM" -- the girls' relationship with their SM would be first and foremost in my mind. In this case, I know that they wouldn't want to go see her because of the bed she made regarding their relationship. If dad said "go see my mother (their grandmother)" then I'd feel differently and assess the situtation from there.
As the NCP, I take the position that time defined in the order is my time to determine HOW my son spends it. (Yea, kinda a double standard, on the surface). Even during my longer periods of time with him, I've "sent him to go spend time with Oma and Opa (my parents)" because they don't live near either one of us and dang it, they are his grandparents. But there's no relationship or other problems to consider (not like for my girls and their grandparents).
I personally think dad will get the court to add that during his deployments/TDYs etc, that he can choose how the child(ren) will spend their time and with whom. BUT You won't be found in contempt....that's my humble opinion k?
Oh yea, also -- as the NCP, I am well aware that my son's dad goes on frequent, and I mean frequent business trips out of town which leaves him with Camilla. If I was local -- as in can get son to school every day -- I'd be asking the court for
right of first refusal as opposed to leaving him with Camilla. Her past behavior is what influences that decision. But I can't do that because I'm too far away (750 miles) and she should be thanking her lucky stars for that.
So I can see both sides......and I think that if your relationship with Dad and SM were better, you would probably feel more comfortable with letting your child go as opposed to thinking "NO, he/she should be with me."
One last thing -- after dad deploys, contact SM and see if you two can work something out.....don't let this court action stop what progress you may already have made. And if SM agrees to some time, that will really help YOUR position in court -- and will sorta make dad pretty mad as it will weaken his position in court. And I bet she bites!