S.P.A.R.C.

Separated Parenting Access & Resource Center
crazy gamesriddles and jokesfunny picturesdeath psychic!mad triviafunny & odd!pregnancy testshape testwin custodyrecipes

Author Topic: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court  (Read 14916 times)

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
My wife and I have been separated for a little over a year now.  Her choice not mine.  When we separated I thought it was on good terms.  We agreed on a fair amount of CS to be deposited in her account every paycheck for our 2 children 7 and 4.  She also said she would never take me to court because she knew I loved my kids and would always take care of them.
 
I am now in a relationship with someone new.  She is great with the kids and supportive.  However, after a trip that my new relationship and I went on my ex suddenly decides she wants to take me to court.  I am completely blindsided by this since I always deposited the agreed upon amount and in addition I buy the kids new clothes everytime they are with me (which is usually every weekend or every other weekend).  I also pay for extra curricular activities (karate and dance) and medical expenses (including hers since she is still technically my wife).
 
My court date is June 8 and I am terrified because from what I hear they are most likely going to take half my check.  I recently moved us all (my girlfriend, her son, and my kids) into a new apartment so that each child will have their own bedrooms when they came to visit.  I am also paying off HER student loans as I help her retain her master's degree during our marriage and when we split I decided I would still pay them off for her.  Not to mention other loans we took out during our marriage, I am also paying ALONE.
 
I am a police officer in NYC (17 years on the job).  She is a teacher and makes considerably less than I do so I know that I am in for it.  When I ask her why she is doing this, all she says is that she wants what is fair & secure.  Which I don't understand because I would never not take care of my kids and she knows this.
 
A little background on her and her care of the children:
 
She is not the best mother in the world, the kids always come to me smelling badly, unshowered and dirty.
 
She is taking me to court however, in the past six months she has taken vacations (alone) to California and recently to Las Vegas to celebrate her 30th birthday.
 
When she does go away, she leaves the kids with her mother who is an alcoholic and changes boyfriends more than a normal person would.
 
BM herself has a drinking problem and I have reason to believe she smokes weed also (she did while we were married) and I know her family does and on more than one occassion I have smelled weed in the hallway when I have picked up the kids.
 
The kids have had a horrible cough for the past year which also leads me to believe that she smokes around them.
 
The kids also say that they see mommy smoking (don't know if they are talking about cigarettes or the other but smoking is going on either way).
 
The kids who are opposite sex sleep in the same bed in a room that is only big enough to fit the bed.  Sure they are still small and it probably doesn't matter now but as they get bigger they really shouldn't be sharing a bed.
 
 
I guess my question is what exactly is going to happen to me?  If they take half my check I will be crippled.  I was giving her 1300 a month plus clothes plus toys, plus dance and karate, plus medical, plus anything else she would call and ask for.  I never said no to anything when it came to my kids.
 
My other question is I would like to fight for joint physical custody.  What are my chances of getting this?  How much will it cost?  We still aren't officially divorced so who should file first now that child support will be out of the way?  When does visitation come into play?  I am so oblivious to this whole process any help you can provide would be greatly appreciated.


tigger

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 7923
  • Karma: 591
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #1 on: May 27, 2011, 11:25:55 AM »
Your perception of the situation is a bit skewed.  You haven't finished one relationship (completing the divorce) before beginning a new one.  And you've involved 3 kids in the situation.  Additionally, you refer to the kids "visiting",.  A kid doesn't visit their parents until the kid is no longer a minor and has lived on their own and they are visiting the home of a parent.  Until then, they are living with their parent, either full time or part time.  And that home is their home.  If your wife isn't taking care of the children, why are you going for joint custody and not full custody?  It's not okay for kids to be taken care of only half the time. 

See if Ocean responds as she has experience with NY state.  I don't think they can take 1/2 of your pay but I'm not familiar with that state.

Document as much as you can your agreement (anything in emails or other writing).  Also document how much you've spent on the kids and stop making payments on anything that doesn't have your name attached to it.
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #2 on: May 27, 2011, 11:49:50 AM »
I said visiting because I hardly consider spending weekends with me as living with me, I want more time but the mom won't give me that.  She prefers the weekends so that she can go out and party.  When I insist on time during the week she flat out says no.
 
And did you miss the part where I said I just moved into a 4 bedroom apartment so that my children and my girlfriends child will have they're own space?  I did that for them so that they could feel like it was home when they come spend the weekend with me and not just "visiting".
 
As for starting a new relationship...yes I'm not divorced but my wife left me.  If it were up to me I would've worked it out till the very end.  She chose to up and leave me and take the kids.  I never expected to move on as quickly as I did but fate brought a wonderful person in my life who is helping me pick up the pieces and we fell in love.  How could I say no to that?  Yes it's not the ideal situation but she loves my kids and helps me take good care of them when they are with us.  I really think my new relationship is irrelevant and what is most important are these kids and how I am going to get joint physical custody at the very least.
 
I would love to get full custody but I really think that's unrealistic, however would be ecstatic if I got my kids full time.  Especially now I don't think I could afford it.
 
New York law says they take 25% for two children which calculates into half of my check.  I mean I don't know what else they take into consideration to come up with the figure.  I guess that's what I'm really trying to find out here.  What am I to face once we go to court.
 
thank you for your response.

Giggles

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5378
  • Karma: 217
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #3 on: May 27, 2011, 12:00:20 PM »
Do you have proof of your payments to the BM?  Make sure you take that to the court.
 
Have either of you filed for the divorce?  Do you have proof of her neglect?  How old are the children?
 
Most of your complaints a judge will consider a "difference in parenting styles" and not really care about.  About the only red flag issue is the children sleeping in the same bed.
 
I had a co-worker from NY that was able to get his CS reduced because he had taken on the majority of the debt.  Bring proof that you're paying for that. 
 
If your CS does go up then stop paying for the other debts and demand that she pay them or at least 50% of them.
 
In custody situations its always best to aim high and then settle for what you wish...in this case possible Join Custody.  Since you have the room for the children and provide most of their financial needs you have a good case for full custody.  This is one time where having a lawyer can really make a difference!!  Always...always...always focus on what is best for the children.
 
Good luck!  I too hope Ocean comes around...she is the resident expert on NY CS
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #4 on: May 27, 2011, 12:19:33 PM »
----Do you have proof of your payments to the BM?  Make sure you take that to the court.

Yes everything is done electronically via wire transfer so EVERY single payment is documented.  I also save every single receipt.  Even if I buy them a underwear I save the receipt.

----Have either of you filed for the divorce?  Do you have proof of her neglect?  How old are the children?

I only have witnesses to the neglect but no concrete proof.  Like instead of packing a bag with the kids clothing for one of our weekends, she sent a huge bag of dirty laundry and my GF and I spent the entire day washing every single piece of clothing those kids own.  After that I decided to keep the clothes that I bought them at my residence so that she wouldn't have to pack a bag.  None of us have filed for the divorce.  When she left she said she would and I was sort of waiting on her.  Now she just recently filed for CS, so I'm pretty sure divorce will follow soon.  The kids are 4 (girl) and 7 (boy)

----Most of your complaints a judge will consider a "difference in parenting styles" and not really care about.  About the only red flag issue is the children sleeping in the same bed.

Do you really think that's an issue?  I thought so too but I thought I was just being paranoid. 

----I had a co-worker from NY that was able to get his CS reduced because he had taken on the majority of the debt.  Bring proof that you're paying for that. 

I am paying for every outstanding debt we had as a couple and I'm just hoping to god that the judge will allow that in court.  She is basically getting a free ride, a free degree, free trips to vegas...this is just insane.
----If your CS does go up then stop paying for the other debts and demand that she pay them or at least 50% of them.

Can this be done in child support court or do we have to wait until divorce papers are filed?

----In custody situations its always best to aim high and then settle for what you wish...in this case possible Join Custody.  Since you have the room for the children and provide most of their financial needs you have a good case for full custody.  This is one time where having a lawyer can really make a difference!!  Always...always...always focus on what is best for the children.

Yes I would be happy with JPC but even happier with FC.  however, regardelss of the mother's shortcomings the kids adore their mother and I don't want to cause the kids any harm emotionally.  They are not completely neglected they just could be taken care of a lot better.

----Good luck!  I too hope Ocean comes around...she is the resident expert on NY CS

Thank you giggles that was really helpful.


Kitty C.

  • Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2612
  • Karma: 938
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #5 on: May 27, 2011, 01:52:02 PM »
'None of us have filed for the divorce.  When she left she said she would and I was sort of waiting on her.  Now she just recently filed for CS, so I'm pretty sure divorce will follow soon.'
 
No wonder BM is pissed...if one of you had filed the initial petition for divorce, I could at least understand getting involved in another relationship.  But the court process hasn't even been started regarding a divorce....and there's nothing stopping YOU from doing that.  Just because she's only filed a petition for CS doesn't mean you can't file for divorce/custody.
 
One thing that is common is that BM's will be amicable (for the most part), then if the father starts another relationship, the fangs come out.  They get defensive.  It's possible she perceives this 'other woman' as usurping her role as mother.  It makes NO difference if that's totally untrue, that is the BM's perception, so that's what you have to live with.
 
One other thing to keep in mind....BM will say she is going to get this or that, but there's NOTHING definitive until the judge signs the final order.  She can WANT all she wants to....in the end, it's whatever can be negotiated and the judges signs on that decides it.
 
'New York law says they take 25% for two children which calculates into half of my check.'
 
Not quite understanding this one, either.  How does 25% of your income equal 50%?  Some states have a maximum that they can take, regardless of how many children are involved.
 
Tigger and Giggles gave you some excellent advice.  Before CS is permanently established you need to file a custody petition.  If NY CS is based upon time spent, you want to have a court order for custody first.  Keep in mind that they may order temp. CS until perm. custody has been established.....BUT once you have a perm. order for custody and/or CS it almost takes an act of God to get it changed.  Which is why a good atty. is important for planning not just for the near future, but until the children reach age of majority.
 
There is a tremendous amount of information on this website, which can help you get started, including template parenting plans that you can modify to your children's needs.  But since the BM's attitude has 'gone south', I strongly recommend hiring a father-friendly, family law atty. to help you navigate the legal aspects of all these issues.  If you're unsure how to hire one, keep in mind many offer one hour initial consultations for free...be sure to ask about it.  Another valuable source for atty. referrals is friends and family.  If you know someone who's been through a divorce, ask them who they hired...if they say their atty. was crappy, that's one to avoid, but if they say their atty. was fantastic, call for a consultation.  But beware of an atty. who says they can get or promise you anything...in the end, it is the discretion of the judge who has the final say-so.
 
For the personal issues, don't hesitate to post on these forums if you have any questions or just want to vent....and you will need to vent.  Remember that there are people here who have been where you are, got through it and can live to tell about it.  They are a wealth of information and certainly one you should consider tapping into.  Some have been here for only a year or so and some have been here almost since inception of this site, some 15+ years.  You've come to the right place....
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

Kitty C.

  • Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2612
  • Karma: 938
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #6 on: May 27, 2011, 02:07:47 PM »
One other VERY important item.....if the CS you are currently paying is not court-ordered, STOP paying it.  Any money you give the BM that isn't CO'd is considered a gift and I highly doubt they will even consider how much you've already given her.  The usual suggestion is to stop paying her, but take that money and put it into a separate acct.  Once CS is ordered, it could be retro-active to the date it was initially filed...if you have that money already stuck away, it won't be such a hardship to come up with a lump sum.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

ocean

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5052
  • Karma: 172
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #7 on: May 27, 2011, 06:11:13 PM »
I replied under your other post but will add:
If the bill is not in your name, stop paying it. No court ordered so you do not have to pay it until a divorce judge grants it. You need to take care of bills in your name only.
Also,
newyorkchildsupport.com  input the numbers for both of you with two kids and it will tell you exactly what it will be. It will also let you reduce by a few items on your check that do not count.

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #8 on: Jun 06, 2011, 08:12:21 AM »
I tried to stop making payments to her and immediately she says that she has no groceries and that the kids were counting on her to take them to toys r us with the money I give her.  How could I deny my children food and toys?  Its easier said than done to stop giving her money.  I really wish I could but it hurts me to think that my kids are going without if I don't give her the money she is used to getting from me.
 
On another note I have a question:
 
If we are still married, I would like to know how does the court determine child support if custody still isn't established?
 
Our first court date is 2 days away, and I'm a mess.  I don't know what do expect and it's driving me crazy.
 
Any information on what I can expect would be really helpful.

Simplydad

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 110
  • Karma: -9
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #9 on: Jun 06, 2011, 08:50:03 AM »
Child Support is based on income only and marital status is not going to matter.  THe child support is going to be awarded based on the percentages by law.
 
Concerning no food and toysrus - ToysRUs is a privilige and while we all want to make sure are children have the things they want it is the things they need is what is important. Why is your STBX talking about going to ToysRUs when they do not have food.
 
My ex tried something similar.  My response to her was simple.  I have plenty of food at my house.  If you are unable to meet the needs of my children please let me know and I will come and pick them up.

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #10 on: Jun 06, 2011, 09:38:36 AM »
Wow Simplydad that was a great answer!!!  I wish I would've thought of it.  I felt bad and caved and sent her the money...court is on Wednesday so after this week I guess I will know exactly what I have to give her.
 
Also, do you know if they take figures based on my salary or salary plus overtime since overtime is not guaranteed?
 
I also just moved to a bigger apartment so that when I have them they have their own rooms.  Currently my son and daughter are sharing a room and bed at their mother's house they are 4 & 7.
 
Will the judge take that into consideration (the new place where they each have their own room?), will they even give me a chance to make my case before they do the math?
 
I spend a lot of money on them even after giving their mother money.  I'm wondering if this is something that they take into consideration.
 
 

Simplydad

  • Jr. Member
  • **
  • Posts: 110
  • Karma: -9
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #11 on: Jun 06, 2011, 12:01:02 PM »
For temporary orders on child support they will more than likely look at your last couple monthsh of pay statements to come up with an amount.  This amount has to be AFTER taxes.  So it will not be the gross amount of your check.  So what they will do is take your gross salary and deduct the taxes you pay and that will be your net pay and they will use that amount.

It is my understanding that a final order will be based on your annual salary (and I guess they could do that on temp child support as well).  So theoritically that can take your 2010 W-2 form and use that as a means to determin the amount.

Keep in mind. You are not responsible to maintain two households for your children. You are responsible for maintining ONE home where your children will reside when they are with you.  Every time your ex says that the kids do not have this or do not have that make remind her that you are able to provide for your kids.  If she cannot you will be picking them up. If she says they have no food tell her you will come pick up the kids and take them to your house an feed then.  You will then return them home to her. She is only using them as a weapon to get her way and will guilt you into anything.  It is a hard stance to take but all you have to do is keep reminding her that you are capable to take care of the children when she is not.  I can assure you that will put a stop to those comments.

Never and I repeat never have any of these conversations verbally. It only means your word against hers.   I personally will not have a single conversation with my ex with anything other than my son.  If we have a verbal conversation I immedietly send an email outlining what we discussed.  There is nothting more important in this stage than documentation.
 
The will not take into account money you spend on your children.  That will not have any real relevence.

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #12 on: Jun 06, 2011, 12:34:07 PM »
no I have saved everything via text...after this whole court situation we are not able to have a verbal conversation even if we tried.
 
I even have texts where she wishes I be killed on the job and that I'm going to hell.  I am a NYC Police Officer.  She says this to me in just regular conversation for no reason, I really think she is crazy. 
 

Kitty C.

  • Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2612
  • Karma: 938
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #13 on: Jun 06, 2011, 02:04:10 PM »
' I felt bad and caved and sent her the money...'
 
She's counting on that, since she's been able to pressure you into it all this time.  If you have text messages where she has stated the same (can't afford to feed the kids), make DAMN sure you keep them.  They will come in very handy when/if you file for change of custody.  Because if this happens often enough, the court might view that as a 'significant change of circumstance', in that she is unable to provide for them, but you can.
 
Regarding overtime, I have no idea what your state law might be, but here in Iowa OT canNOT be used to calculate CS unless it is mandatory.  The reasoning is that they cannot calculate CS on 'future' earnings, only past.  If the subject is brought up, whether with your atty., in any petition she files, or in court, make that point.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

gemini3

  • Hero Member
  • *****
  • Posts: 873
  • Karma: 1004
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #14 on: Jun 07, 2011, 06:10:11 AM »
The money you sent her probably won't be considered child support, since you guys have no written agreement and you aren't divorced.  From what it sounds like, you don't have seperation papers either?  If not, none of that will be considered child support.
 
I would go talk to some attorneys and see what they say.

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #15 on: Jun 07, 2011, 11:36:02 AM »
Okay thanks everyone for your help...it is very much appreciated.  D-day is tomorrow.  Wish me luck! :)

tigger

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 7923
  • Karma: 591
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #16 on: Jun 08, 2011, 06:29:18 PM »
Okay thanks everyone for your help...it is very much appreciated.  D-day is tomorrow.  Wish me luck! :)

Yesterday's tomorrow is today.  Any update?
The wonderful thing about tiggers is I'm the only one!

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #17 on: Jun 09, 2011, 08:06:02 AM »
Yes!  Everything went wonderful.  Thanks for asking.
 
The judge was very fair I have to say.  The court ended up giving her less than I was already giving her which was a big win for me.
 
She walked in with a lawyer which surprised me because she is always claiming to be broke and suddenly she could afford a lawyer?  It's no wonder my kids had been coming over looking dishevled, it was because she's probably paying astounding fees to this so called lawyer who ended up settling for less than what I was already giving her voluntarily.
 
I will now go ahead and fight for joint legal custody.  I did try to negotiate a deal with her outside of court through her lawyer where I would get the kids every other week as opposed to every weekend and STILL pay her child support.  The lawyer said he would speak to her but when he called he said there was no talking to her and that she did not want to agree to that arrangement.  Even her own lawyer thought she was crazy for not taking the deal and told me to "do what I had to do".  The reason being that if I get joint physical custody I don't have to pay her as much child support because I would have them half the time. 
 
Now I will have the chance to speak on all of the things that are going on with my kids care that I disagree with.  Such as the kids sharing a bed.  The kids claiming that she is smoking in the house around them.  The mom leaving my kids with the alcoholic grandmother for her to go on party vacations.
 
I could go on forever.
 
The funny thing is that she is now going for her 30 credits past her masters degree.  For teachers, this automatically bumps up her salary to $90,000 which means that when we go back to court in two years, I will be giving her less than I am giving her now since her salary gets factored into the 25%.  Before this whole ordeal, I did not know that the court took her salary into consideration when calculating the figures.
 
I would've given her what I was giving her for the remainder of my children's childhood years but she wanted this, she brought us and our kids into the court system.  I don't see a reason why I would not get joint custody when compared to her and her family.  Her family is a disaster.  Her brother is a drug dealer & her mother an alcoholic.  She herself is a boarderline alcoholic.  I have the facebook posts to prove it.  And these are the types of people she is leaving my children with.
 
I am very happy, I feel vindicated and no longer like I am the one being taken to the chopping block.  I am now ready to fight for my kids and become proactive with this whole situation.  Along with custody will come the divorce and hopefully with that freedom.  I just want to be a father to my children.  Nothing more nothing less.

Kitty C.

  • Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2612
  • Karma: 938
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #18 on: Jun 09, 2011, 08:21:55 AM »
'The funny thing is that she is now going for her 30 credits past her masters degree.  For teachers, this automatically bumps up her salary to $90,000 which means that when we go back to court in two years, I will be giving her less than I am giving her now since her salary gets factored into the 25%.  Before this whole ordeal, I did not know that the court took her salary into consideration when calculating the figures.'
 
With how you've described her and her family, don't count on her obtaining that salary....or having one at all.  Sooner or later, people like her and her family will screw up.  And if she's a teacher, it will kill her or significantly hinder her career.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #19 on: Jun 09, 2011, 08:35:42 AM »
Kitty you know the surprising thing when it comes to her is that with all of the craziness she surrounds herself with she is still capable of acheiving things that other people normally wouldn't.
 
You would never look at her and her family and believe that she is a teacher with a master's degree working towards her doctorate.  She parties constantly and her family goes right along with her.  It's pretty amazing.  So when she says she will be getting this degree she will get it.
 
I do agree with you though that eventually her luck will run out and her partying drinking and smoking weed will catch up to her and ruin everything she worked for.  I wouldn't wish it upon her because my kids will suffer but the truth is the truth.

Giggles

  • Private Reserve
  • SuperHero
  • ***
  • Posts: 5378
  • Karma: 217
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #20 on: Jun 09, 2011, 08:37:19 AM »
Congrats!!!  Oh I bet she was just seeething when she left.  Now that you have a CO amount....do NOT pay 1 penny more!  If the kids need clothing and you buy it...KEEP IT AT YOUR HOUSE.

Do most certainly file for the divorce and put together a reasonable parenting plan....then put together another one that is padded with things that you're willing to let go of.  In other words...start off asking for way more than what you would settle for.

Around here the saying goes "pick your battles carefully"....it appears your BM didn't...too bad for her!

Important things to have in your parenting plan....Right to first refusal.  Meaning that if BM isn't able to be with the children during her parenting time, then the children should be with you unless you are also unable to be with them.  Say BM has to go on a work trip for 3 days during the time the kids were supposed to be in her care.  The RTFR clause will insure that the kids stay with you vs a BM family member.....MOST of the time...sigh.  Remember this parenting plan has to cover every aspect from now until they are 18 or depending on what the age of Majority is in your state.

Good Luck!
Now I'm living....Just another day in Paradise!!

NoRights4Dad

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 11
  • Karma: 0
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #21 on: Jun 09, 2011, 08:46:28 AM »
Seething is an understatement!!  She was beyond pissed!!! LOL!!!
 
The irony about it too is that she was trying to get childcare expenses but I shut her down on that too!  The reason being that she is a teacher!  Her and the kids are on the same schedule and to add to that my son attends the school she works at.  So she doesn't even have to send someone to pick him up!  My daughter is in preschool at another school but school will be over in 2 weeks and once that happens, she too will be attending her school so she will have both kids going into work with her and leaving with her at the end of the day.  So when she said that I immediately was like "what?!" "$800 a month for childcare, for what!!!"  The judge immediately ordered a recess for her to talk to her lawyer and when they came back they then asked for $100 dollars a month just incase she needed to hire a babysitter.  I gladly gave it to her because the base amount was still significantly less than what I was already giving her.
 
I'm telling you guys, god works in mysterious ways and he does not like ugly. 

Kitty C.

  • Moderator
  • SuperHero
  • *****
  • Posts: 2612
  • Karma: 938
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #22 on: Jun 09, 2011, 09:10:42 AM »

Kitty you know the surprising thing when it comes to her is that with all of the craziness she surrounds herself with she is still capable of acheiving things that other people normally wouldn't.

You would never look at her and her family and believe that she is a teacher with a master's degree working towards her doctorate.  She parties constantly and her family goes right along with her.  It's pretty amazing.  So when she says she will be getting this degree she will get it.

I do agree with you though that eventually her luck will run out and her partying drinking and smoking weed will catch up to her and ruin everything she worked for.  I wouldn't wish it upon her because my kids will suffer but the truth is the truth.

 
The odds are against her..........
 
Around here, there is a strong belief in Karma.  What comes around, goes around.  I've seen it in action first-hand and with perm. results, unfortunately.  People like her and her family are only biding their time....sooner or later they will screw up and the repercussions can be significant.
Handle every stressful situation like a dog........if you can't play with it or eat it, pee on it and walk away.......

ninapook

  • New Arrival
  • *
  • Posts: 7
  • Karma: -2
    • View Profile
Re: Always paid child support voluntarily now BM is taking me to court
« Reply #23 on: Jun 20, 2011, 01:38:29 AM »
I'm reading from bottom up, but why would you expect that half of your paycheck would be on the table? In NY, isn't it 25% of the combined parental income for two children?

As far as fighting for joint physical custody, you have 17 years on the job, but what exactly is your role in the NYC police department? Are you on a stable, secure schedule? On your days off, which may not always be weekends, are you spending them in court? Who is watching the kids with the same flexibility that a teacher's schedule can offer? Even if you do prove that your schedule is stable, your ex can still get right of first refusal, which means you'll have to take the kids to her before you leave them with ANY sitter (whether it's your new girlfriend, your mother, the kid who lives down the street, whatever) and if she can bank enough of that time, she can take you right back to court to prove she has the kids most of the time. Sure, you can try that with her, but is her family going to be able to prove with documentation that they babysat like she can do with your time cards, overtime and court? Not likely. And at the end of the day, what it will cost you in lawyer's fees to even vet this is going to take years to shake out even.

The most important (keep in mind, I'm reading bottom up from your post) is the likelihood that your kids are used to a routine (karate, dance, not to mention school), is moving them into a new home, with a new girlfriend and her son REALLY the best move you can make right now? Most courts, when the children are not babies, are concerned with status quo, and honestly, come on, you're a NYC cop, you know this, you need a more compelling reason to act than this flimsy evidence you're presenting.

If you were so concerned about the ex-wife or grandma's drinking, why would you wait so long to act on it until it was hitting you in the pocket? Sleeping in the same bed is not going to do anything but prove that your wife doesn't have the means to buy them their own bedroom furniture, I wouldn't bark up that tree.

Every parent has the right to go on vacation every now and then. You can't prove who paid her way, and unless you can prove she put the kids' in a traumatic tailspin in her endeavor to or as a result of, another road I would caution you against crossing.

Finally, kids who just spent no more than 30 minutes playing with their friends outside running bases or doing cartwheels are probably going to be dirty and yeah, a little smelly. Do you expect their mother to cut short their playtime for showers and cleanup (as kids are so inclined to do) JUST so they can come see you? I have 3 boys, they can take a shower the night before and STILL somehow wake up smelly and I swear on Mother Mary they are sneaking out and digging in the ground with as filthy as their nails can look sometimes, even after I've just cut them.

It HAPPENS. And if you had to parent them, 24/7, each day and every day, you would know this.

You don't have issues, and no one is going to take 50% of your paycheck. Not only is it not NY law to do so for 2 kids, but taking that much is
against federal guidelines unless you have an existing order and are in arrears.

You're a cop. Do some legwork.

 

Copyright © SPARC - A Parenting Advocacy Group
Use of this website does not constitute a client/attorney relationship and this site does not provide legal advice.
If you need legal assistance for divorce, child custody, or child support issues, seek advice from a divorce lawyer.