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Author Topic: children refusing to visit  (Read 7993 times)

lawless

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RE: children refusing to visit
« Reply #30 on: Mar 09, 2006, 12:34:27 AM »
I guess I am not being clear about the degree of PAS we are dealing with here.  The girls don't want to see, hear from, or talk to their Dad.  This is supported by Mom.  So they don't take phone calls, have hysterical fits if he shows up at any activity, and regularly send him e-mails begging him to give them "time" until they are "ready" to talk to him again.  This has been going on for coming up on 2 years.  The girls admit that their reason for this is because they don't like the divorce and most of all don't like that Dad has someone besides Mom (me).  They say that "Mom is never going to be OK and it is your fault because you left her."  Here is what my husband does for his girls:
1.  Calls them and leaves sweet messages on their cell phones daily
2.  Asks them to go out for ice cream / skiing / dinner / etc etc...anything....every time they refuse to come for visitation and in between times too
3.  Arranges family counseling sessions with them every other week which they refuse to attend (they are "not ready")
4.  Pays for weekly individual counseling for both of them
5.  Speaks to both of their counselors about every other week
6.  Spends countless hours trying to find out when and where their soccer games and other activities are as they refuse to tell him as does the Mom
There is a ton more. We have read Divorce Poison and I feel like I could have actually written it as we have been through almost everything in that book.  It has been at least helpful to know that we are not the only ones taking crazy pills!  The most amazing thing in all of this is that NO ONE will tell these girls to knock it off and that they need to have their father in their lives.  Mom says "do whatever you need to do".  Counselors say "you don't have to do anything that is too hard".   Maybe the GAL will actually help......
Thanks for your kind words of support,
Lawless


Genie

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Have been there and done that...
« Reply #31 on: Mar 11, 2006, 09:49:10 PM »
and it did not good.  My ex's daughter was refusing to visit b/c of social life and BMs encouragement. Took her to court. Agreed to let daughter come one time a month but son had to come every other weekend like ordered.  Well, got out of court and it did no good. BM still refused visitation and continued to tell daughther she had choice to come or not. Had son couple times alone but BM made it so stressful by calling and babying him so much that that ended too. So going to court and having judge tell to do visitation is useless unless you have the drive and money to continue bringing her in time and time again.

Good luck.

lawless

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RE: Have been there and done that...
« Reply #32 on: Mar 15, 2006, 02:32:37 PM »
Thanks for your message.  This is exactly how I expect court to go for us.  This is why we stopped the process.  It is interesting that it is the BM who is taking my husband to court and requesting a GAL.  She wants to be completely removed from the situation.  I can tell you how it will go....Court will appoint GAL and spank BM for not being a parent by telling the children that they must go with and speak to their father.  GAL will determine that children should go on visitation.  Teenage daughters will refuse to come and nothing will be done about it as BM will support this.
We originally had younger daughter coming on visitation and then BM and older sister eventually convinced her to refuse too.  Very similar situation.  Court is March 22 and will post results if anyone is interested.
Lawless


MixedBag

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YOU BET WE WANT TO KNOW!
« Reply #33 on: Mar 15, 2006, 04:50:41 PM »
In my case, there is now a counselor involved....

And yep, I think along the same lines as you do.

Good luck!

lawless

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RE: YOU BET WE WANT TO KNOW!
« Reply #34 on: Mar 22, 2006, 05:45:10 PM »
OK, so here is what happened.  Just as we thought, the GAL was assigned.  BM fought for private GAL to be paid for by BF and BM so we fought for court appointed GAL or if private GAL is assigned we felt that we should not pay as we don't think it is necessary.  We feel that there is so little cause for visitation denial that a GAL who acctually sees abuse cases, etc. will be amazed at how wonderful my husband is and perplexed by why the girls are refusing to visit.  We found out today that they are claiming emotional abuse...This is like a twightlight zone moment as we are trying to think of what they might be talking about.  Apparently there is no proof required to appoint the GAL so that is what happened.

And so it begins.  The GAL will interview everyone and will probably make a "plan" for visitation to reoccur and then the girls will refuse to comply and we will be out the money for the attorney....again.

What continues to amaze us is how the BM can file this motion or that motion and drag things out and NO ONE ever tells her that she must provide the children for visitation.  The commissioner only ruled on the line item which was GAL or no GAL.  This really feels like a bad B movie.  At least we now know from all of our research that none of this will probably change a thing and we must just wait for the girls to get past this part of their lives.

Will keep everyone posted about the process.  Hopefully it is helpful.  We are coming up on the 2 year anniversary of the divorce....isn't it amazing that we are only at this point?  And the girls just keep growing up without us....

Sadly, Lawless


 

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