Going to Court.....Need a Devil's Advocate

[thesmithfamily_5]

I think what Davy's talking about is this section.... not sure if it works for modification of visitation.... Also, "he who wants fetches" is big in TX and probably a good thing to suggest a time of modification!

by the way, you have a PM!

SUBCHAPTER B. MODIFICATION OF CONSERVATORSHIP, POSSESSION AND ACCESS, OR DETERMINATION OF RESIDENCE
Sec. 156.101.  GROUNDS FOR MODIFICATION OF ORDER ESTABLISHING CONSERVATORSHIP OR POSSESSION AND ACCESS.  The court may modify an order that provides for the appointment of a conservator of a child, that provides the terms and conditions of conservatorship, or that provides for the possession of or access to a child if modification would be in the best interest of the child and:
(1)  the circumstances of the child, a conservator, or other party affected by the order have materially and substantially changed since the earlier of:
(A)  the date of the rendition of the order;  or
(B)  the date of the signing of a mediated or collaborative law settlement agreement on which the order is based;
(2)  the child is at least 12 years of age and has filed with the court, in writing, the name of the person who is the child's preference to have the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child;  or
(3)  the conservator who has the exclusive right to designate the primary residence of the child has voluntarily relinquished the primary care and possession of the child to another person for at least six months.

[thesmithfamily_5]

>Ok, spoke to our attorney, he brought up some questions he
>thought the other attorney would throw at my husband and I
>need information to help answer.
>
>1)SD is soon to be 15 and should determine her own visit
>times--she has a life and friends to see over spring break and
>summer

SD is still a minor and might not know what's in her best interest. She needs to be able to spend as much time as possible with all of her family, including her father's. Since there is such a great distance weekend visitation is not an option. Therefore, she needs to spend as much time as possible during the summer and holidays with father and family there.

>
>2)Why should we allow SD to fly layover especially after 9/11?
> (attorney is trying to help us know how ex's attorney will
>act)
>
>3)Ex does not work, but will not drive to the closest airport
>to allow daughter to fly non-stop because it is TOO HARD to
>navigate the highway she has to drive to get there.

My argument to this would be that SD is responsible and capable (assuming she is) to change flights and can live through a layover. If EX wants SD to have non-stop flights she she can pay for it, but that you shouldn't have to on your half of the flights.

>4)Ex says SD is not high priority with her dad, becuase dad
>has to work and can not spend time with SD.  Therefore
>visitation should be reduced.
>
How about that it doesn't sound like mom is trying to maintain/encourage a healthy relationship between SD and her father. It's important for SD to have a good relationship with both of her parents and if the roles were reversed you'd certainly do everything you could to foster SD's relationship with her mother! (kinda ties in w/ my response to question #1!)

[awakenlynn]

Thank you for your help.  The only thing I haven't checked is FAA, both parents agreed to stay with one airline, but I do routinely check on the other airline UaM information.  SD has been flying since 2000 and she has had a flight with a layover.  One was 3 hours long, which we hated that one, but it was the only one avail.  We called SD every half hour to stay in contact.

I did have one question.  I am looking for any statistics that support us.  I am still looking, but any ideas about where to look for the number of children that fly unaccompanied each year.  I thought it would help the judge to see just how many kids the airlines fly alone each year.  Apparently this judge (in TX) prefers the layovers to be non-equipment change flights, but I already have a letter from them stating they don't have those flights between any of our airports.  I even printed pages from the website of the escort service that provides the care for the UAM's from the airports we use.

Thank you!

[awakenlynn]

<SD and her father. It's important for SD to have a good relationship with both of her parents and if the roles were reversed you'd certainly do everything you could to foster SD's relationship with her mother!>>

Mom does exactly that.  She bashes hubby every chance she gets and we would love to have custody, but know it would never happen.  We see all the mistakes ex makes and the trouble she causes and know we could never do that to SD.

We are really keeping our fingers crossed.  Its the first time we have had court in TX and are still getting adjusted to the new laws and the way this state does things.

Thanks!

[Kitty C.]

Since you are staying with one airline, contact their headquarters.  It's a shot in the dark, but they just might have some numbers they could give you.  Tell them why you need it.......it might help 'expedite' the situation, if you know what I mean.

'Non-equipment change flights'?  Are you kidding???  That judge either doesn't seem to live in this reality or he's being deliberately contentious.  The only airline I've ever flown that didn't have a plane change at stops was Southwest.  And then you weren't allowed to get off the plane.  That's the whole reason for a lay-over anyway, to change planes and/or direction.

[awakenlynn]

LOL, you and I both know where reality is.  We will have to see.  Hubby leaves in 2 days, I had a panic attack last night.  I wish I could go too.  I hate not being able to be there for both him and SD.

Attorney said this judge is kind of wishy-washy.  She can make an order one way and the next month reverse herself on the exact same issue.  I was ready the Petition we have, her Petition is so VAGUE.  I did re-read the TX standard order for cases where parents are over 100 miles apart.  It just isn't feasible for us, since we are over 1000 miles apart, BUT if ex wants the standard order for every other weekend, since she is the one that moved and she is the one requesting the order, then she can go ahead and purchase plane tickets for every other weekend and we will continue to pay for the spring break and Thanksgiving/Christmas breaks.  We would theoretically get more time that way.  I hate to say go ahead because I know it would be a pain for SD and definately not in her best interest.  As much as we want that, we can't necessarity see the judge looking at it like that.

[Kitty C.]

Are you saying the BM is STILL asking for EOW and you're over 1000 miles apart?  That's insane!  Tell you what, I hope you have a really good LD parenting plan in mind to present to the court, so that you can 'emphasize' to the judge your intention is in the 'best interest of the child'.....and flying that far EOW certainly is NOT.  Just another way to 'point out' how irresponsible and unreasonable the BM is being.  The BM may be proposing that to make it impossible for you to have regular visitation, but the distance involved already prohibits that, and that's of her making, too.  And even if the BM had the money to do that or tried to tell the court she does, I would be telling the judge that money would be better spent on the child.

Man, she's a nut case!

[awakenlynn]

Ex is asking for the TX standard order to take effect, but I don't think she paid attention to it.  She requests the TX standard order with 2 variations--every other spring break and we do not get SD over her birthday.

We are going to argue that this plan is definately NOT in the best interest of the child and that the order we have in effect is best.  We currently have EVERY spring break (as is the TX standard order), we have 8 weeks in the summer that do not include the week after school lets out or the week before school starts (same as the TX standard order) and alternating Christmas and Thanksgiving (this differs slightly, TX alternates Thanksgiving and splits Christmas vacation on the 26th--we would agree to the split being in the middle of the vacation around the 28th)

Ex JUST wants every other spring break--but that is the only chance we have to celebrate SD's birthday since we don't get her in her birthday month, and we celebrate her dad's birthday which is a few days before spring break starts; and she wants the summer visit to be 6wks instead of the 8wks--she wants her daughter to be avail to do things there or in IL where her maternal grandparents are (ex ships SD to grandma day after school lets out, makes grandma pick SD up at the end of dad's visit and keeps her there until whenever ex can make it back to IL or make arrangements to fly her home, sometimes only a day or so before school starts.)

I just don't think ex thought through things before she asked for them.  ALL we asked for was a clarification of transportation--such as the judge allowing layovers(no terminal changes), setting specific days and times for pick-ups and drop-offs for the summers and making ex accountable whenever she cancels and changes tickets that we purchase(we are each responsible for certain visits).  There are only 3 years and 1 spring break left, not alot of time left before SD gets to make her own choices.

[Kitty C.]

Then her 'inability' to think things through will hopefully come back to bite her in the a$$.  I just hope the judge does the right thing and question her 'inabilities'.

Hey, you're in IA, aren't you?  So am I.............if you need any back-up on the transportation issue, just e-mail me.  I don't have our old CO anymore.........DS's dad died 5 1/2 years ago, so I got rid of all the paperwork.  DS is now 18 anyway.  Like I said before, it really rubs me the wrong way when a parent tries to block a child from seeing the other parent just because of LD visitation.  There's absolutely NO excuse for it, unless the child cannot fly for medical/psychological reasons.  DS has had severe ADHD for the past 10 years and it never was an issue with him flying.

Get in touch if you need me!  :-)

[awakenlynn]

Thank you, I will definately keep you in mind.  Things are so screwed up with ex.  I really wish I could be there Wed.  I know people say not to let it get to you, but how can it not.  Whatever the judge decides will affect hubby, SD, and all her siblings (she has 3 brothers and 2 sisters between the 2 families)

I keep my fingers crossed and pray that ex will be caught in any of her lies.  I have pulled any documents I think might be relevant.  But hubby is bad on the stand.  He gets so rattled, he doesn't always think before he answers and then sometimes the answers are wrong.  He gets flustered so easily and I don't think the attorney understands when I tell him hubby is AWFUL on the stand and will not be the best witness, but he is the only one that can do it.

Keep me in your thoughts!

Thank you