1. Even if the school is spineless and refuses to do anything about the situation, it's VERY possible that your SC could cross the line some time and seriously hurt another child. If that were to happen, there's a strong possibility that your
DH and the
BM could face a hefty lawsuit from that child's parents.
2. The school might finally grow some cajones and expel her from school. If that were to happen, there's a possibility that the ONLY way to educate her would be through homeschooling. Since transcripts have to be transferred from school to school, any school you would attempt to enroll her in would be smart to refuse her based on the expulsion.
3. If she were to seriously hurt someone, be it at home or school, you can count on law enforcement and DHS getting involved and the first thing they'd do is put her in a juvenile detention facility. Hopefully while there, they would do a full psychiatric work-up and realize that this child needs serious residential treatment. Given her age and depending on the seriousness of the crime and depth of treatment needed, she might be gone for 2-3 years.
These are some scenarios I would strongly recommend you pose to the BM. Sticking her head in the sand will only cause more harm to her child. One other thing to consider is that if the school won't lift a finger, go up the ladder, all the way to the superintendent and school atty. if you need to. Also, look into the district's policies on violence and see if any 'infractions' she already been in qualify. The school personnel are not just there to teach, they're there to protect, too. They're ALL mandatory reporters and it sounds to me like they may be breaking the law themselves by not reporting this.
One other thing to consider..........given all the info you've given us, I would venture to say that this child is in dire need of intensive residential treatment. But to pay for it out of pocket is prohibitive, unless you have a money tree in your backyard. BT, DT, and will be paying a $25,000 loan for a 2 month wilderness therapy program for the next 20 years. For a one to two year program, it could cost upwards to $75,000 to $100,000 or more.
If she ends up in the legal system, and through evaluation, if they recommend residential treatment, the STATE will pay for it. But you really don't get a choice on where she would go and it would stay in state (unless the critical help she needs is not offered in ANY state facility, which hardly ever happens). The tough part about getting into the legal system is that it's so overwhelmed, she may be in detention for quite a while (possibly months) while waiting for a bed in the proper facility to open up.
And if you're wondering, I've researched much of this out of necessity and have been through the entire juvenile legal system, includling residential treatment. If you have any further questions about it, I'd be happy to help.