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Author Topic: Getting baby used to dad - Need help!  (Read 23403 times)

RainGirl

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RE: beautiful ideas!
« Reply #30 on: Sep 24, 2004, 06:27:03 PM »
I briefly thought about asking him for some pictures so I could show them to her, but I wasn't sure if that was just being silly or not.  Then again, couldn't hurt anything!  I like to read books to her so an album would be a great thing to look at.  Thanks for the wonderful idea!


piXi

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use his comments about what they do
« Reply #31 on: Sep 25, 2004, 02:31:01 AM »
to write a little story to go with the photos in her own personal book

annas mom

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RE: this is an 8 month baby!
« Reply #32 on: Sep 29, 2004, 11:34:42 AM »
I totally agree. This child is too young to be thrust off into the hands of a stranger with no childcare experience. If the father had bothered to himself to be around the first 8 months of her life and had taken his opportunity to be consistent prior to now then this would not even be an issue, now would it?

What if the situation were reversed? What if at birth the mother had given the child up to the father and then when she was 8 months old decided just to jump back into her life...would you still think he should just 'hand over the baby and the diaper bag' and let her have at it?

Best wishes to you and your little one Rain! :)

FleetingMoment

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RE: baby steps first
« Reply #33 on: Sep 29, 2004, 06:48:30 PM »
It would help if the father understands the following. Rain knows what she's talking about. The father needs to understand that its important to slowly introduce himself to his child.

Family and Social Relationships: The most important people in your baby's life are you, his parents because he feels safe and secure with you.

By 6 months old, your baby understands that he is an individual, separate from you and others. Knowing this makes your baby feel "separation anxiety." This means that your baby cries and is afraid when you leave or when he cannot see you.

Stranger anxiety also starts at about 6 to 7 months of age. It is normal for your baby to be afraid of strangers at this age. Have the "new" person come toward your baby quietly without looking right at your baby. And, try not to leave your baby with strangers if possible.

Personality and Emotional Development: You are telling your baby that his thoughts and feelings are important when you react to his cues (signs). This helps build your baby's self-esteem (how he thinks about himself). Do not worry about spoiling your baby by giving him too much attention. You give your baby a feeling of safety and trust when you quickly and consistently comfort your baby when "demanded."

Hawkeye

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RE: My thoughts . . .
« Reply #34 on: Sep 29, 2004, 07:01:59 PM »
"Next time he shows up, hand him the baby and her diaper bag and tell him to have her back in a couple hours. Now either he will be back in a very short time, he will call from wherever he is and ask how to calm her, or he will learn how to handle her all on his own."

How amusing... I got NO diaper bag from my ex, made my own. Cloth diapers when she forgot to bring any to her own Gramma's house.  Rubber pants too.

She even stole the one that was given to me from the hospital, aside from the one I bought her.  

Give this guy a chance, or be forever relegated to the unsharing, selfish witchpile.

Karma, LOL! You seriously underestimate an American Father.


Stepmom0418

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Well said.....
« Reply #35 on: Sep 29, 2004, 07:07:37 PM »
Couldn't think of a better way to say it!! Fathers should be allowed to be fathers and mothers should be allowed to be mothers!! The child will never get to know the father and have a meaningful relationship with the father if the mother is always there "looking over his shoulder!!"

piXi

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it was my understanding
« Reply #36 on: Sep 30, 2004, 12:55:38 AM »
this discussion was about how to intergrate the father into the child's life  not about how to remove him.

No one is underestimating a father's ability; this father's ability to love and nurture his child but rather how to  make it easy for a very young child to feel increasingly comfortable with a father she is beginning to get to know.

The idea of sending the child off with a father she doesnt yet feel comfortable with  reminds me forcibly of the old fashioned method of teaching children to swim by dropping them in the deep end of the pool.

Stepmom0418

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RE: it was my understanding
« Reply #37 on: Sep 30, 2004, 04:12:04 AM »
When a baby a newborn, the baby does not "know" mom or dad. Some newborns have trouble bonding when they are born.

So what you are saying is that if the baby has trouble bonding with dad, mom should not let dad be a parent? Mom should not leave dad alone with the child?

I believe that both parents should be able to parent children! The child needs to learn to trust dad and one way to accomplish that would be for mom to show that she trusts dad herself!!

What about grandparents that dont live close by and have little contact with the child? Do you tell them they cant take the child for the day too?

piXi

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a new born does *know* the mother
« Reply #38 on: Sep 30, 2004, 05:45:58 AM »
and to a lesser degree the father

The  time spent in the uterus is not time in a  vacuum but time spent learning the sounds and rhythmns of  the day as it is spent with the mother.
The sound of  the father's voice and the  physical contact between the parents are all felt also by the child.

The relationship of trust is generally implicit to the process of pregnancy and birth and includes both parents if they are present.

A baby needs to bond with one particular carer  before s/he can make further bonds - and in our society that person is  often the mother .

If a relatinship of intimacy and trust exists between the parents the child moves quickly  to develop relations with both parents, howver, it is difficult to build a relationship of trust with an absent parent. It was my understanding the original poster was working through ways such a relationship could develop and what she could do to help the initial stages of that process.

Any one can take a baby for a day, anyone can begin to develop a relationship of trust and love with a child. all it takes is commitment and time.

Stepmom0418

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RE: a new born does *know* the mother
« Reply #39 on: Sep 30, 2004, 06:04:20 AM »
>a new born does *know* the mother
>and to a lesser degree the father

Yes the newborn does have a bond with the mother before being born. My DH was unable to be with me during pregnancy and still he built a bond with our son in no time. But I also gave him the oportunity to care for our son alone, just him and our son!! They bonded very fast and have a great relationship today!! The poster here does not want the father to have any alone time with the baby. She wants to supervise the visits or have her older child supervise the visits. My point here is that anyone can form a bond with a child. Why not let this father have time alone to form this bond? He was good enough to have a relationship with the mother at one point but now he isnt good enough to have a relationship with his child? That makes no sense to me!!



>Any one can take a baby for a day, >anyone can begin to develop
>a relationship of trust and love with a child. all it takes is
>commitment and time.
>


My point exact!!!!!!!! Let the father take the child for the day and let him develop his own bond WITHOUT any interfeerence from the mother or any other person for that matter!!

 

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