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Huh?

He did not want kids for the whole month and on his weekend 30 thru 3rd of July he did not pick up.
I did sherriff report but What do I do now? Any Ideas?

Sherriff said I cannot obligate to take kids. Even though I have a court order.

I gave Nanny VAKA W/O pay. And I did not buy any food for my home since no kids and only my mom & me at home.

Now? What? I have NO money -481 in bank and 1/2 tank of gas in car.

WHY is it he can do this to me? With no help from enforcement.

Don't get me wrong I am happy I have my kids I was just not prepared for expense,

Nanny will work for free I get paid on the 13th, and neighbor gave me some food to hold  us over until 13th . Mom gave me gas money for work. Huh?

All the comments from earlier seem pointless since DAD did not even show up to house to pick up kids... called 10 min before 6pm and said had not made arrangements for daycare and I was not gonna stick him with the kids. Huh?

What now TEAM?

Nanny in pull out couch in living room, My mom and daughter in 2nd bedroom on bunkbeds, my son & me in my room, by the way I have 3 dogs, two cats.

 My poodle and yorkie sleep on my bed with us, my blue heeler outside guarding the place, my cat and her baby stay outside to keep the snakes and mice away!

And yes I feed them all.... We live on rice & beans sometimes but god keeps it all together, and when he doesn't I pawn my jewerly, the pawn store sees it more often than I do.

I hope I can move on as you say, sometimes it is hard, and I am angry and bitter sometimes cuz I see the future bleak, I would like to provide a home for my kids that does not have a view to the outside from the flooring that is rotting out.

Yes I feel rage sometimes at him and ask myself WHY me? If I helped him get where he is today, (by the by-I helped pay for his nursing school, he quit his job and went to school full time while I held down the fort), while I am left with.... enough about that you know all.

I hope we can track him down, I live nearby three major cities that have the main type of employment to be Healthcare. I know he will not move away persay but there are enough places he can transfer to.

I keep hearing "El tiempo hace justicia" Time will deliver justice.  

Actually, I guess I need to clarify the picture you have of me.

I live in a run down 2 bedroom mobile home, I buy my daughter Sears, Target and sometimes Dillards, yes they do have some Walmart Clothes-especially my 4yr old son, my 9 yr old wants better.

I did not contradict myself cuz, originally I felt devastated that they had to go with dad. But you "nontnew" and several other friends made GOOD sense and I ran with it and made myself strong and MADE him be responsible. Cuz I am a grade A "enabler"

I have a "Nanny" cuz I can not afford to put them in daycare, I pay my Nanny 100.00 a week and DayCare was 750 a month for two kids. I took the least expensive way out.

Yes my ex took all my daughter's shorts and skorts, so all I had at home were pants (not good in Summer), since I do buy her pricy clothes I have limited few.

I shop once a year in Houston (8hr drive) at second hand clothes stores for MYSELF and for my kids (everyday wear)

And to tell you I make alot less than him, he is a Nurse and makes over 5,000 a month, while I make a third of that a month.

So he can afford to do, provide, buy all those things mentioned above.

He has quit his job everytime the CS order finds him, he wants to shirk his responsiblities, and YOU 'notnew" plus a few of my friends said STOP being his MOM too, and trying to bail him out everytime, so when LYNN said I had to allow him that behavior I snapped.

But do NOT make me out to be a bad guy cuz for 13yrs I put up with HIS manipulative behavior, I SETTLED for the run down car, run down mobile home, the second hand clothes, for WHAT I say

For him to have his 3 bedroom house, brand new Mustang, and a 21 yr old girlfriend, who I see them eating out everyother weekend (when the kids are not with them)--confirmed by the rumor mill since we live in a small town, while I PACK my lunch everyday, and he does not treat his kids when he can financially! I buy a pizza & rent some movies once a month!

My checking account is always negative, and I am behind two property payments, my taxes are over due by 2 yrs, all why cuz when he left he left with 4 property payments in his pocket, (by the way) my money that he said he made those payments when my schedule did not allow to drop off payments. 3yrs behind in taxes, and a leaky tub, electrical short, and etc, etc, all I have had to do on my OWN!

So don't judge me!

You are too funny!

You assume that I made the COURT ORDER.

A few months ago... When I was left without a nanny for 2, two whole weeks and I had to juggle my kids from Aunts, to strangers, did he step in? NO but I am to ALLOW him to make changes to HIS best interest? Kids are kids they will prevail. My kids are smart, independent and very adaptable.

I have had to struggle to buy them clothes which in turn he keeps and then my kids want the clothes because DADDY does not take them anywhere, so their good clothes not Walmart wannabies, he states no they cannot take them. He has yet to purchase a pair of socks, undies or let alone clothes or shoes for them when they go over there, but I spend my money left and right for who? Damn Right my KIDS, who are the most important thing to me.

All I am saying YES "notnew", my close family and friends, who know our history, YES follow the court order why cuz he is just trying to weasel his way of being a responsible parent. WHATEVER daycare, family member, camp arrangement HE will have to make is gonna be 10 steps in the right direction for this boy to grow up and be a Man, Father to his kids.

I will always be there for my kids and I will be a phone call away and a 20 min drive, 15 if I book it!

I know where he will send them it would be with his future MOTHER-IN-LAW, I am guessing cuz that is where HER 1 1/2yr old goes now. I do not have my kids in day care now, I have a live in Nanny & my mom lives with me at my house.

Thanks! Your words encourage me to go on!

He is a nurse, works 10PM to 6AM, and he sleeps most of the day, his FINANCEE is a CNA, and works 7 AM to 7PM, they have rotating shifts during the week.

FUNNY--------This sentence made up my mind MORE----------
This will allow all 3 of them to get quality time with him without worry. I would rather have the kids(provide daycare, as it were) then have him ship them to a daycare.


The "him without Worry" hum... what about ME and my 24/7 since 1996...

Thanks but no thanks.

Thank-you you brought tears to my eyes.

My biggest fear is saying "No, I do not want them with me" or "No I want to abide by court order" does it make me a bad mother? He (NCP) knows my weakness.

I will stay strong and hold my ground. Thank you again for your kind words.

NO No NO, my kids are very independent and I KNOW they will be OK in
the month they are with dad. MY reasons for even considering HIS suggestion and keeping them with me are totally selfish, in that I do depend on them for my well being, since my life has revolved around them and I am a MOTHER first then a woman. Yes I would agree with you that that is not right, and I am working to be independent from them. I do NOT lean on them for emotional support though, they do not know the hardships I go through raising them financially or emotionally or the strife I have in dealing with their father on these issues, that's why I write to you all.
His motives for wanting to alter the order I really do not know, I am assuming. All I have is 13yrs of past expirience with this man. Money was always the KEY.
But since writing this I got an overwhelming response to my dilema, that goes like this.

"Stop enabling HIM and make him step up and be a Father to those kids, you(me) will be ok, it's ok to have a break once in a while, allow yourselft to let them go, and they will be ok without you"

I thank you for your input and your thoughts, it was well written and very clear to keep it all in perspective.

I know the value of having your children watch age appropriate movies or shows, but true you have to LET GO, you can not make her into the parent YOU are. She is an individual and she will have to answer for her own crimes and desicions in the long run with your CHILD, (1) and with GOD (2). You stress yourself out more if you worry about it instead of surrendering it all to god and things will right themselves in the end.

Be the better parent... don't FIGHT!


God Bless