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Messages - williaer

#111
Father's Issues / RE: My husband
Aug 31, 2007, 01:45:01 PM
I came out of lurkdom to agree.
#112
Father's Issues / RE: SAD DAD
May 13, 2007, 03:43:00 PM
Please keep us updated- I will be very interested to see how this all comes out. I'm glad you are making the move...2 years was way too long- however it is a lesson learned on your part. Now you know never to wait around- just because of $$$$- it's not HER money- it's the kids money- and quite frankly- it is just as important that they have a relationship with you as it is that they have a paycheck.

Perhaps now would be the time to submit a new parenting time plan. 2 weekends a month at that distance might be a little much. Perhaps you should try to do 1 long weekend a month and more time during breaks (spring/winter/summer)...I'm just thinking aobut how it was for me growing up. We lived 3 hours from my dad and when he was excercising his time...it was misery for my sister and I.
#113
Father's Issues / RE: Marsden Hearing / Case law
May 13, 2007, 03:32:28 PM
I believe what /mist was trying to get at is- perhpas asking someone neutral to look over the situation might help you to be able to "see the forrest for the trees"....I don't believe it was meant as a personal attack by any means.
#114
A couple of things. First- can you break your posts up into paragraphs, they are very hard to read.

Why are you wanting to put the child on your medical? If you aren't court ordered to do it and you aren't responsible for that cost- why push it?

I doubt there is any way to get it changed if the obligee (ex-gf) and child live in PA. They aren't going to want to lose those federal matching dollars.

your child support obligation will NOT go down if she applies for public assistance, they will simply divert the child support payments back into the "welfare" fund and only give her a little portion of it.

Although I live in a household that pays- so believe me, I understand- $580 for one child really isn't that astronomical. We used to pay $575 for one and $333 for the other each month.

I guess it bothers me a little that you really want her on public assistance- because then, quite frankly, I'm paying for it- just like every other tax payer and I don't want your ex and her husband as my burden either.

It is none of your business or the courts business how they pay their bills, so long as they are paid and they aren't caught doing anything illegal. Once they are caught- then it's everyones business.

I think you've got to step back and take a deep breath. You are wanting too much control over something you can't ever control- another adult. I know it's hard and it sounds like you are doing this for all the right reasons- but you MUST simmer down a bit and go through the due process. There are laws in place that will work for you- if you take it once step at a time. Like other have said- what's important is that you never stop trying.
#115
I didn't follow this totally- do you have joint physical and legal custody of your daughter and visitation with your son?

Why would she be paying you child support if that's the case? Does she make a significant amount more than you?

Do you now have BOTH children all the time and she has visitation?

Some of the details confused me

What types of allegations is she making? What are they saying when they come to investigate you?

You sort of left out a big blosck there between what the schedule is now and the false allegations part.
#116
>every person i have talked to about this has told me they dont understand how she gets away with it...


ummm, you've let her.


>she walked into domestic relations the other day n our court hearing(i was teleconferencing bc of living out of state)and told me on the phone right in front of the case worker that she still hasnt told him im his father and that she isnt goint o..and is going to take me for full custody...the case worker didnt say anything

child support and visitation are two seperate things- the case manager doesn't represent anything but the interest of the state in getting the most $$$$ they can out of you. They DO NOT care what she does with it- so long as your child is fed and clothed- they DO NOT core if she tells the boy George Bush is his dad...it doens't matter to anyone but you, her, her husband and the kid. A judge can not MAKE her tell him anything- that's physically impossible. What a judge can do is ALLOW you to tell him, bu giving you parenting time that is enforceable by a court order.

 >but based my child support off my income
That's what child support will always be based off of- get used to it. If you've been paying $300 for 7 years and are not responsible for any part of the medical- then count your lucky stars.


>she straight out said to them she isnt working neither is her husband..and she cannot afford stuff for the child

She doesn't HAVE to work- you are the one court ordered to pay money- not her. Obvioulsy the child's basic needs are being met- since he isn't in the custody of children's services...right?


>so instead of them pulling our son out of the house being that she isnt providing..they just want me to pay the money to her so she can use it whereever..

You would be hard pressed to find a court that is going to turn a kids world upside down because a non-custodial parent that the child doesn't know would like for them to....and yes, she can spend it any way she sees fit- sucks, but reality.

>..because obviously it aint going towards his medical

I can't figure out why this one bothers you so much- since you are not legally obligated to pay it. She can send you her electric bill too- you would just ignore it the same way you did the medical, right?

I hope this doesn't come off as too harsh- but being a step-mom myself and living on both ends of this- you have to deal with some things that are your reality right now. You haven't been around the child- she has- she will tell him whatever she wants- you may not like it- but it is her right to say whatever she wants in her household. It may not be "right"- but I know very few NCP's who have the time or money it takes to really get a CP punished with contempt.

Let the court work for you- take what they give you and build on it. You have to crawl before you walk with these things. Too many parents- loving , good parents like it seems you are- get crushed by trying to start out running.
#117
Father's Issues / RE: Homework
Mar 07, 2007, 11:01:01 AM
Can you send her an e-mail referencing all the "issues" that she will respond too? At least you would have some sort of documentation about what she's doing. Seems like the e-mail from the teacher would be a great one to present...at least the kids are telling the truth.

I know what you're saying about the straightening up...we're going through the EXACT same thing with our BM. She just smells the blood in the water and she's become uber mom...whatever. The history speaks for itself. She never sent my DH one e-mail until this month. Never...if asked, she could never produce evidence that she tried to communicate in any way with him.

It all comes out- they are used to this stuff.
#118
Not that I would advocate it- but I suppose once paternity is established, you can sign over all of your parental rights and responsibilities. I don't know if that means you are financially "off the hook"or not- but I suppose it's an option.
#119
Father's Issues / RE: I need advice...
Dec 31, 2006, 07:44:39 AM
I think it varies by state- but in Ohio- I think if you were married during any part of your pregnancy- he is presumed to be the father- unless it is proven otherwise. In Ohio- the ony thing that gives him the right to do is pay child support for his child. If he wants parenting time- he will need to file for it.
I would make your plans and give him about 10 days notice. That way you will feel like you did the right thing. He will have to file for parenting time and then get an order to have you barred from taking the child out of the area..he will not accomplish that in 10 days without a very good ($$$) attorney and you have said you think money is tight. Like a previous poster said- once he opens the can of worms about formal parenting time- he will also open the can of worms about formal child support....so you may want to take the time to discuss all of that with him.
I would present him with a parenting plan that is as generous with the child's time as is reasonalbe and offer to meet him halfway- then you have covered all of your bases.
#120
Father's Issues / RE: SonLess In Seattle
Dec 05, 2006, 05:09:21 PM
Are you planning to tell BM, or just surprise her??