Fathers rights When no custody is established and mother wont let me see the child

[imagin2005]

Thank u to each and every one of u that responded.yeah i know its a tricky sitaution and where i am concerned to the person about the medical..i have tried to get him on my medical.Her and Dr will not give me his ss# to get him on it.I have taken every attempt to help out..they are just seeing dollars signs not a person.Anyway..I can understand that she does not work..but she can also be getting assitance from the government.Im not saying i would help her out.My child support is paid in full..comes out of my check..im not a deadbeat dad.I provide past my means right now..trust me.And once again no one has legal custody.Im in pursuit of that now.It wil cost a lot for a lawyer but i dont care.I just dont understand how my life suffers and i dont even get to see my child.i just got married last year..me and my wife are trying to have kids and start a family.I have been providing for my family at home and for my son in another state...If drs takes all my money to give to her because she isnt trying to provide for him..then i cant even make a new family..in turn ..she has a 2 yr old at home with her new husband..and doesnt even work.I understand that she doesnt have to work.But she can further her family..not support any of them.i have no idea how they are living.Noone in the house works.Drs doesnt ask her how she pays her rent of how the child is taken care of.Im sorry but for sitautions like thee because she is not working..she can be getting government help..thats not taking away from another household in retuen..I dont understand why my life should be put on hold and in return im paying for her..her husband ..her other child and mine.I have no problem paying for my child.i would have no problem bringing him here to live with me.Every woman i know..tells there kids who there father is unless certaiin circumstances.Even if they are not in their life.And yes i should have pursued this a while ago and did try.I was always working ..and couldnt afford a lawyer..and yes they are based off income..u will not get a pro bono  lawyer unless u are not making money or if u are not making decent money.Not only that but i have relocated with a job in a higher cost fo living area...for a job..not for my own reasons..to provide for my family...to pay my support..i always have been workign and paying my support..but they base it off pa child support calcualtor instead of here because she lives there..is there anyway to get my case switched here..so they would base it off my cost of living..And how do u find out how her family is getting supported...they pay 700 dollars a month..my support order is only for 580 a month..how do they come up with rest..if it is not guaranteed..and if neither or working...im seriously concerned because she keeps saying she cannot afford things for him..in pa a 3 bedrooom house goes for usually about 550 a month..she is paying 700 plus utilities..how can i get proof of if she is paying it or how..once again just to recap...i am paying my support and have no problem with it..but she is not a single mother...she is married with another child....that was her chose..and they both sit back not work..and possibly not provide for either child..children and youth wont do anything either..how do i know there isnt illegal activity going on and thats how they get money to pay their bills..i mean come on..how can u raise a family of 4 ...without working but yet u dont even apply for medical or food stamps or any of that...if u have it so u dont need to ..then what can possibly be going on in that house and where is the rest of the income coming from..that im not paying ..where does the utilities come from and the remainder of the rent...or food..or clothing..any of it..u would think drs or children services would be interested at least...and yes some ppl may get offended by this and i would hope not..im not telling ppl to go on welfare and not get support..what im saying it..how does someone live outside of their means..have another child in the process..and im the one paying for all that and in return wont be able to afford a family of my own..how is that fair..and cant even see my son..i have never been arrrrested for anything..never..im not an abusive person..im stating all facts here..

[sherrie ohio]

I cant give you alot of advice but let you know there are other's out there dealing with situations like your own.All I can say is keeping trying,at least then you can say you never gave up.
My husband,one other father and the state welfare are what supports his EX's home.
Neither her or the current man work, well current hubby only worked one month out of the year to collect a tax return.If you can call that working.And they have a nicer home then us.
My husband is  current on his support and has been for years.The only time she want's him around is for the support,any extra's he will buy. And to take their child if she has plan's for the weekend.
He has dealt  with his EX haveing their daughter call the current man Daddy for year's,while he's been called by his frist name or Daddy (.........).She has always made sure he took third seet in their daughters life.
He has faught for years with BM over every little chance to be in the child's life and has gained some ground.We are still dealing with her haveing the child calling current hubby Dad to ,but in secret when her real Dad isn't around.They slip up every once in awhile and call him Dad to her in front of my husband.
The school didn't even know my husband was her father till we went to a school function and she was standing with us when her teacher came walking up.They thought current hubby was her DAD.The cunfusion and surprise was apparent to see on their faces.One even stated she thought the other guy was her father.My husband wasn't on any school forms.
We have dealt with phone blocks,number changes and her even moveing without telling us.And when he would call or fine them she would act all offend,like he was in the rong.
She has kept her away from him when she was little and made the claim in court when my husband whould drag her there that their daughter didn't know him.BEcause she kept them apart.So a shedule was set up to let their daughter have a period of getting to know him before the weekend visit's started,much like the one I posted before.
Sup.viset's for a month,then un.sup. saturday's for a few month's then weekend's.We made the mistake of not getting the doctor/school thing token care of at the time,don't make that mistake.Also asked to be informed of any special event's school,church ect.
And of any serious illness / injury.
I also understand what your talking about the system don't care if you the father have a family or not.We live pay check to pay check,while they are buying new car's etc.
The state only care's about you the father paying so they can give them less welfare.
Just keep fighting for your right's and find out what info you can to help in your attemps to see him.Gather any proof you can no matter how small it seems and wright all contact down between you,her,current hubby and your child.
Best of luck......

[williaer]

A couple of things. First- can you break your posts up into paragraphs, they are very hard to read.

Why are you wanting to put the child on your medical? If you aren't court ordered to do it and you aren't responsible for that cost- why push it?

I doubt there is any way to get it changed if the obligee (ex-gf) and child live in PA. They aren't going to want to lose those federal matching dollars.

your child support obligation will NOT go down if she applies for public assistance, they will simply divert the child support payments back into the "welfare" fund and only give her a little portion of it.

Although I live in a household that pays- so believe me, I understand- $580 for one child really isn't that astronomical. We used to pay $575 for one and $333 for the other each month.

I guess it bothers me a little that you really want her on public assistance- because then, quite frankly, I'm paying for it- just like every other tax payer and I don't want your ex and her husband as my burden either.

It is none of your business or the courts business how they pay their bills, so long as they are paid and they aren't caught doing anything illegal. Once they are caught- then it's everyones business.

I think you've got to step back and take a deep breath. You are wanting too much control over something you can't ever control- another adult. I know it's hard and it sounds like you are doing this for all the right reasons- but you MUST simmer down a bit and go through the due process. There are laws in place that will work for you- if you take it once step at a time. Like other have said- what's important is that you never stop trying.