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Beginning in 2005 the definition of a dependent has been revised.  Whoever pays for half of the dependents support gets to claim the child.   See IRC Section 152 for more information.

Well, I think you were well within your rights to do that!  LOLLOL  Who said that just because you receive CS your kids have to eek by?  We pay CS and as long as my sd has clothes to wear, food on the table and a roof over her head, I am absolutely happy that the cs is spent on computer games, nail polish, cute pillows, or whatever else sd wants.

I agree with you.  We have a vested interest in how our stepchild is raised and bioparent, like it or not, society places some burden of responsibility on how that child turns out as an adult.  Enter Christian parenting and it's even more difficult because we feel we have a moral responsibility to parent that child because we married his/her parent.  Then add siblings and then you have a responsibility to treat the kids equally - that goes for punishment as well as rewards.  I get so tired of telling my son he 'can't' when my sd's parents tell her she 'can'.  I don't want to allow him to do something I think isn't good for him just because she gets to do it and he's feeling left out.  

Has the child never been claimed on a tax return?  If bm is only on welfare and doesn't have a job, I'd be tempted to just claim him since it's likely bm wont file one and claim him.  Then you wouldn't have to get her permission or provide any attachments to the return.  

And if df means dear fiance, speaking from vast experience, I highly recommend just staying out of all of it completely until there is a marriage.  The worst thing a girlfriend/fiance/live in can do is become involved in things like this and it's never worth the trouble.

>It says they get 1 phone call PER WEEK, not per day!  She
>wanted that because DH called SD daily to see how school was,
>BM thought this was rediculous and hence 1 time weekly.
>We don't have a home phone.  DH sent her a certified letter
>stating to only use one of our cell phone #'s, but still she
>calls both.  We can't block her #, but DH put the name as
>"don't answer" ;) and we don't answer restricted calls.
>I don't think we try to change her behavior, it is just so
>hard to adjust in our home when she is so erratic and random
>ALL of the time...

I'd answer it one time per day when SD is with the person who's phone is ringing, and if it's convenient to talk (i.e. I wouldn't answer if you're in the grocery store, I wouldn't answer in the car, I wouldn't answer if sd is outside playing or in the bathtub, etc.).  I woudn't remind mom of anything in the court order.  In fact, you know she's calling for sd, so on the one time per day you're going to answer, hand the phone to sd and say "Here, it's your mom."  I PROMISE, letting mom think her calling doesn't bother you is the BEST medicine.  If you do happen to talk to her  and she mentions all her unanswered calls, respond "Oh.... hmm, I must have been on the phone or something, this is the first time it's rang today." and be done with it.  

Grammy, not considering the drug thing (since the court wouldn't hear it, I just can't give credence to it in my answer either), I don't see anything wrong with the arrangement.  Brooklynn deserves a relationship with her mother and her father.  If they've chosen not to be together, then that means the relationship has to be forged apart from one another.  Since mom lives in another state, then that requires that Brooklynn go there to visit her.  You can't expect a mother to drop her life (job, family) and come to Brooklynn's home for 6 weeks in the summer and other visits during the year.  Ideally, parents would stay married to each other if they're going to have kids together.  But when they choose not to, then compromises have to be made.  Yes, Brooklynn is going to be confused and she's going to have a hard time adjusting, but stopping the visits isn't the answer.  Making the best of a bad situation is all Brooklynn's parents can do.

I think that as NCP we think that's the case with CP's.  But I don't necessarily think it's always true.  I thought it was so in our case.  We were going to disney one year and it came up suddenly and the kids would have to miss school for the trip.  I was ready to buy the plane tickets and we needed to know 'today' from BM if SD could go.  And she agreed.  I really did expect her to give us a hard time about it but she did not.  

So sometimes you should just suck it up and give her the benefit of the doubt.  You might be surprised at the outcome.  IF she says no, then tell the kids 'Sorry' and let HER be the bad guy - not because you want her to be, but because she is if she say's no.  And DON'T break the bank planning this trip at the last minute if she says no now and changes her mind.  Plan it for next summer.

>I am needing help in writing the letter to my X where it
>doesn't sound like I'm being pushy or what not.
>

I'd call, but whether you call or write, I'd say "I know the girls are out of school on Friday and Monday and I'd like for them to be with me since I don't have to work those days either.

I dont' think this falls under 'right of first refusal' though. But that's just my opinion.  ROFR to me means that if the CP is going to be away from the kids then they have to OFFER you the time  and then you have the ROFR and they can make other arrangements.  You don't know if they're planning to be out of town or if the kids have other plans for those days (going to a friends house, having a friend stay over, going to grandma's.).  Right of First Refusal means he offers.  But if you know they're out of school, I'd always make the request if you're available.

I think that if you are the one wanting the time, then you should be the one to ask for it.  Whether there is an order in place or not.  

I doubt you'd get that type of arrangement.  Think of school.  My cousins lived on the East coast with their dad when I was a kid.  Their mom lived in AR.  They flew down for the whole summer every year.  And they came for the whole Christmas break every other year.  That's the only time they saw mom unless she went out there.