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Hello.  I reside in NY state but my ex-wife and our children reside in IL right now.  We are going to court for contempt at the end of this month (my ex-wife has violated the court order regarding my visitation and communication with the children).

The Tape Recording Laws I found via this site state NY does not require the consent of all parties; however, IL does require all parties to consent to the taping.  

1) Is it legal or illegal for me to tape record a phone conversation (be it either from my home phone (land line) or my cell phone)?

2) Will it depend on who is making the call?  Does the NY law apply if I am the one making the call, but the IL laws apply if I am receiving a call from my ex-wife?

3) How admissable would the recordings be in court?  

Thank you.

Dear Socrateaser-

I wrote to you before about my ex-wife stating she is ending our "verbal agreement" that reduced my child support obligation from $250/wk to $200/wk.  You replied that you would want to see the actual wording from the documents.  I have provided that below.

ACTION FOR DIVORCE dated and signed by (ex's attorney) and (ex-wife) on May 15, 2006...

"To the above named Defendant
You are hereby summoned to serve a notice of appearance, on the Plaintiff's attorneys within 20 days after the service of this summons... and in case your failure to appear, JUDGEMENT WILL BE TAKEN AGAINST YOU BY DEFAULT FOR THE RELIEF DEMANDED IN THE NOTICE SET FORTH BELOW."

Under #8 in the Action For A Divorce is the relief sought-

"WHEREFORE, Plaintiff respectfully demands judgement as follows:

... 3. Modification of Defendant's support obligation from $250.00 per week down to $200.00 per week."

In the JUDGEMENT OF DIVORCE dated and signed by what appears to be (Justice of Supreme Court's name) on Aug 2, 2006 it states:

"The issues in this action having come on to be determined... the Defendant having been personally served on May 26, 2006 and the Defendant having failed to serve a notice of appearance or answer to the complaint, and the time in which to answer Plaintiff's complaint having expired, and Plaintiff having submitted her claim for divorce of the marriage... and the Court having made its Findings of Fact and Conclusions of Law,

NOW, on motion of (ex's), attorney for Plaintiff, it is hereby ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED, that the Plaintiff is hereby granted a Judgement of Divorce against Defendant...

...and it is further ORDERED, ADJUDGED AND DECREED, THAT A COPY OF THIS JUDGEMENT SHALL BE FILED IN THE OFFICE OF THE CLERK OF THE FAMILY COURT OF ONONDAGA COUNTY, ACCORDING TO STATUTE, BY PLAINTIFF'S ATTORNEY."


My questions:

1) Am I correct in interpreting the documents to state that since I did not respond to the Action of Divorce, the Judgement of Divorce was granted in favor of my ex, with her getting her "relief demanded" by default.

2) I take this to mean that it is in writing, and is ORDERED by the court that I only have to pay $200/wk.

Please advise.  Thank you very much!

Dear Socrateaser,

My separation agreement states that I waived the calculated Child Support amount ($196/wk) and agreed to pay $250/wk (the extra $50 for child care expenses- even though my ex only worked 1 out of the 3 years we were separated); it was our agreement that I would only pay the $250 until she "got on her feet" and then would pay $200.

I paid 1/2 the cost of the divorce proceedings over 2 years ago, and it wasn't until this past May that my ex paid the lawyer her 1/2, and filed for divorce.  However, two months prior (March '06) my ex agreed to the reduction to $200/wk, as I was going out of work for surgery, and would be out a couple of months.  This was to be on a permanent basis.

When my ex filed for divorce I received an "Action for Divorce" from her attorney, and didn't think I needed to do anything as the divorce was not contested.  In the "Action for Divorce" there is a section titled "Relief Sought" and in it, besides requests such as my ex being allowed to take back her maiden name, etc. was a line item stating the Child Support was reduced to $200/wk.

I received our divorce papers once finalized, and the front states that since I did not respond to the Action for Divorce, the divorce has been granted to my ex, and the stipulations of the separation agreement are enforced.  I hadn't even noticed this section until I recd a letter from my ex last week stating she is "ending our verbal agreement to reduce the Child Support and the $250/wk is to resume as of this week."  

1) Since I did not respond to the Action for Divorce, and the divorce was granted to her, does that mean that the "relief sought" was also granted to her?  (meaning it was not a VERBAL agreement, but put in writing, and I only owe $200/wk)?

2) Or, because I did not respond, and the Divorce Decree states that the stipulations of the separation agreement are enforced, does that mean that she does NOT get the "relief sought" and I still owe $250/wk.

Thank you.

The "judge" ruled that my kids could move because he didn't want them separated from their sister, and since they were used to living with mom and "visiting" dad, he didn't want to change that lifestyle.  My lawyer argued that a father's bond with his children should be considered a stronger factor than the bond the children have with their half-sister.  BM lied the entire time, on the stand, and we provided documentation to prove so, but the judge still allowed the move because of the kids staying together.  

As for the other factors for a relocation case, BM moved because of a job transfer her then boyfriend volunteered for.  They got engaged and then married within the six weeks before the trial began, and they set up their house in Illinois before we even found out, from someone else, that they'd taken this transfer.  Her new husband took a pay cut for the new job, and their economic stability is not increased by the move; BM is a stay-at-home-mom.  All of the extended family for all three children, on BM's side, my side, her new husband's side, and my fiance's side are all here in our town in NY.  We found out during the trial that BM has one cousin in Illinois with a few kids who also took the transfer, but that's it for family out there.

The Law Guardian, though he did recommend that the relocation be allowed, for the same reasons the judge cited (the kids not being separated), also asked the judge to order I get visitation at Thanksgiving and any other school breaks longer than a weekend, but the judge declined to rule on that, said that we are "reasonable parents who can work those things out amongst (our)selves."  Apparently he quickly forgot about BM's lies as she's not reasonable and will not give us any extra visitation, and certainly won't provide her share of the transportation if she did.

I wasn't clear with my original question about the appeal/complaint.  We're pretty certain we wouldn't win an appeal if we tried, although we'd love to try- we hate to give up.  

1) If the "judge" files the court order giving us the Christmas vacation but ruling that I have to give the kids back to BM for Christmas Eve through Christmas morning, therefore taking away the holiday of my holiday visitation, would that be grounds for an appeal on that portion of the court order?

2) Where would we file that appeal?  I believe Family Court is the "fourth division" so do we go to a different division or to the Supreme Court?

Thank you.

I am in the state of NY.  My kids were just allowed to relocate to Illinois, and while I haven't seen the actual court order from the judge yet, our attorney says that my visitation schedule is the same as what BM's other daughter's father agreed to.  We lost our case because Dad#2 dropped his case, decided not to fight his daughter's moving out of state, and now my visitation is being affected by Dad#2's choices, too.

Dad#2 agreed that, despite only getting visitation for 1 week at Christmas, 1 week for spring break and 8 weeks during the summer, during the week of Christmas he will give his daughter back to BM Christmas Eve through Christmas morning.  Now, BM moved 12 hours away and will only be in our town staying with relatives so the kids will be removed from their second homes to sleep at a relatives house for the night instead.  Our lawyer is sending a letter to the judge asking for our visitation to be changed, that I not be made to give up my kids on Christmas Eve for the night, but he is not optomistic.  It is unfair of the judge to penalize me because of Dad#2's choices, even though it affects children in the same household.

It has been suggested to me to make a complaint about this judge (he's actually a Court Attorney Referee because Family Court has too many "Parts") to the Bar Association, and/or to make an appeal.  It was also brought up, though, that by filing a complaint the judge may come to attention and rule in our favor in the future, or he may hold it against us.

1) Should I file an appeal with a higher court and, if so, which one- Supreme Court?  

2) Or do I file a complaint with the Bar Association?  How?

3) If the judge finds out about our complaint, if we make one, isn't it possible that all further actions in front of him will be ruled against us?(part of the court order states that NY state retains jurisdiction over IL)  Is it worth the risk?

4) If judges are elected officials, but this guy is a Court Attorney Referee, is he appointed to office, so that we'd be able, as the public, to not vote him into office again?

Thank you.

Need some opinions from dads here...

My fiance lost his kids in a court battle w/ his ex wife just 6 weeks ago- she moved out of state (almost 12 hours away) because her boyfriend requested a job transfer.  (Some of you may be familiar w/ the case, as I posted like crazy about it on here).  Anyway, we're getting married next June (we had to move up the wedding date because of BM giving us a hard time about the kids missing 2 days of school- kindergarten and 1st grade- to BE IN their dad's wedding w/ the original date.

I am having a hard time coming up w/ a wedding present idea, but thought of something today- season tickets for football.  There are only 6 games, and the tickets are almost $200 each (and I'd have to buy 2 of course!) so they're not something I can afford to do right now for his bday or xmas- it's a "big ticket" item (no pun intended) that is more appropriate, IMHO, for this type of gift.

FH has dreamed of buying season tickets & taking SS to the football games once he turned 5 or 6yo.  He wanted to buy them last year but I told him SS was too young- not haven't the faintest idea that it would be our last (football) season w/ the kids here.  Now, if I buy these season tickets, I know FH will love them, and we'll have a good time at the games- we go to sporting events all the time together.  I'm just worried that it will be a bittersweet gift, that FH may not enjoy himself as much as he could, and will be at the game thinking he should be there w/ SS and not me.  SS will be 6yo this next football season.  

How would you other dads feel?  Is football football?  Or would you rather not have that reminder?  

And if I shouldn't get the tickets, can you men give me some other wedding gift ideas?!  :)

I haven't been on this site since my own loss, but I just came on today with a question, and saw your post.  Oh, Melissa, honey, I am so sorry for you guys!  You KNOW I know what you're going through right now!  You sit there in court (I can't remember if you had a trial or if you were just waiting for a decision- sorry) and when the words actually come out of the judge's mouth, it is so surreal.  

I guess in my case we do have visitation, and I really hope things look up for you guys and your fiance gets this drug eval. situation cleared up.  Good luck, I'll be thinking of you.

-Kathy

No, I didn't read that post.  How is she trying to "sneak" it?  Our petition took a week to be filed & approved- I hope your BM doesn't get the kid out of state before she gets served because it's very hard to get them back in the state once they're gone.  

Our trial starts tomorrow afternoon.  Now that BM is married and can say her "husband" took the transfer, and the other dad involved isn't going to fight for his daughter to stay, her case is a bit stronger, but that doesn't mean ours is weaker.  Our lawyer is still confident.  

Is your CS taken out of your paycheck?  If not, you will probably need to show cancelled checks or proof that your payments are current.  You say that she has denied you access to your daughter.  I don't know how old your daughter was when you split or if you've had any contact w/ her, but if you have pictures of you & daughter, pics of her w/ your family members, receipts from places you've taken her (like the zoo) (I know she's young, so anything like that, or a play group), any type of proof of your involvement in her life, and receipts of the clothes/shoes you've bought for her, if you still have them (credit card receipts would be the easiest to get if that's how you paid) will show that you are providing for her besides CS.  

Yup, know what ya mean about BMs being nice and/or quiet.  When she called out of the blue and said she finally paid for the divorce, after our asking her to do so for 2+ years, we wondered what was coming.  

Now she's all of a sudden sticking to only the scheduled visitation per the separation agreement, no extra time.  Apparently she doesn't realize that's going to make it look worse for her in court.  We have plenty of witnesses who will testify that she has always given us extra time & visits, and unless she wants to commit perjury, she'll admit it too.  But now she's making up pick up at 6:00 on Fridays, and when FH called for today's weekly visit, said he's get the kids around 5:00, BM said "then you'll have them back at 7 right?"  What a bi$c#.  

I hope the lawyer today can give me some tips on how not to spit daggers from my eyes at her & her mom in court!  And I'm right there w/ you, wanting a decision, one way or the other, just to get the stress over with.  FH thinks I have an ulcer.  I've had acid reflux for 8 years but I've had incredible stomach pains since last Thursday but have been putting off going to the dr.  I've been able to hold him off by saying it's probably connected w/ my cycle, but the stress isn't helping.  On the other hand, like you said, the longer this drags out, the more time we have w/ them, and then they have to start school here and that's another plus on our side cuz the judge will have to consider whether or not to pull them out for the move.  

Keep your chin up.  I'll be thinking of you.