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I feel we have finally conquered the system...well, for now anyway. DS is only 4. This could change at any time and we honestly expect it to.

In the beginning we wanted 50/50 visitation and no child support and dad to carry insurance. We were fought at every corner, even the insurance because she knew she would have to pay co-pays and split anything not covered. Child is also on state insurance and that won't end.

We just filed a modification of child support because after our last hearing the support went up and then a week later the state made him add the insurance., which was a big chunk of change. Also, a week after the last mod the BM went from a min wage part time job to a factory job of 60 hours a week. She did that on purpose.

So we went to modification. Now we have what we asked for in the beginning....50/50 visitation and no child support and dad has insurance. We even got a small check back from the state on overpayment.

Just wanted to share our good news. Sometimes the good guy really does win. 

Been a while since I've posted. Thought I would update a bit and get ideas. We got all the visitation worked out and child support figured. Things were good. Dad's work got papers that he was going to have to get insurance on DS. I saw this coming, but dad didn't think he would. Anyway, he called BM to tell her she better get ready to start paying co-pays now and that her child support would be going down because they would take the amount he pays insurance and adjust the support. Well, Bm is panicking now. See, while we were waiting for child support to get figured, she worked at a part time job making minimum wage. Judge signed papers and within 3 days she got her old job back and is working 60 hours a week. She offered to pay him half the insurance if he would leave it alone.

Now...my question....what will happen if we ask to modify the child support now that he is paying insurance? Will they take everyone's income into consideration again, or just adjust due to the insurance amount? Can we suggest it if they don't? How does this work? We just got the new assignment in November. Do we need to go through attorney's for this or can child support office just do it?

I would laugh my butt off if her income came back in to play and they took his support down even lower than it was originally. She is playing the system so badly but there is no proof. We can't PROVE that she quit her job and took a part time JUST to get higher support but in our hearts, we KNOW she did. Ya know?

Our attorney is a flat fee, no matter what. I'm sure BM's is too. So it doesn't make sense. It looks like they would do everything quick as possible to so they have to spend less time on it.

I thought she would just file it with a motion too. Had no idea it was going to have to go to the other attorney. That's not how she explained it to us but it's what she did.

Wow. I was hoping this was going to be over but it isn't. Guess what looks simple, usually isn't huh? Anyway, dad and BM both signed a paper agreeing on modifying visitation and  child support. Dad faxed it to his attorney in front of BM. Our attorney sends us the same letter she sent the BM's attorney. All of a sudden her attorney doesn't want her to sign the "formal" papers because she thinks the child support is too low. Our attorney figured the child support by using both wages and the state calculator. How could it be too low? Geesh. We were under the impression that if dad and BM both signed a paper that our attorney could just admit the papers to the judge and be done with it. So dad just told BM that we may as well go on through court then because he doesn't know what else to do.
Anyone know anything about this?

Thanks everyone. I passed the info on to her.

A friend of mine lives in Ohio. She has been split from her live in boyfriend for 3 years now. Never married, his name is on the birth certificates. He gets them occasionally and gives money occasionally, depending on his mood (you all know how that is). He is threatening her life, has written numerous letters about what he is going to do to her. There was physical violence in the relationship but nothing documented. He repeatedly raped her and beat her. She finally got the courage to leave. She is afraid for her life. In the last 3 years he hasn't been around much and has been fairly calm, although still threatening her. Suddenly he is telling her he is going to "beat her head in to the ground" and other horrible things. She has restraining orders against him and has been to court several times but it seems to be a joke. She can't get any protection. The police were at her house this past weekend and told her to have weapons and use them if necessary, but not to shoot him in the back or it would be murder. @@ A small single woman out in the boonies with two small children (about 8 and 6 I think). The police should protect her, but it seems they aren't. Could she just up and move with them? There is nothing anywhere about visitation or anything. She never filed anything. It's not so much that she wants to keep the boys from him, she lets them go because she trusts he won't hurt them. It's her he wants dead. Now he is talking about doing whatever he can to make her proven unfit so she never sees them again. I know a lot of this is standard bullshit that the other parent pulls alot but she is beginning to make notes for the police. She has sent messages to certain friends telling them where to look if she comes up missing, where he could hide the body. I am seriously afraid for her life and would like to get some info for her. Please advise if you can. She has no job and no way to get an attorney.

I spent so much time hating my stepson's BM. I can tell you that it's wasteful. My SS is 3 now. I have been there since she found out she was pregnant. Lucky me!  
She never wanted me to be involved in his life. She even threatened to get restraining orders on me for being the one holding the baby in the car while we were waiting for her to come get him. Another one when I had a picture of me and him on my page. I prayed for this woman to drop off the face of the earth. But things have gotten better. I stopped putting so much energy into hating her and put it in to making our relationship work. I am the one who drops off and picks up, due to our work situation. Her and I have started to "chat" a bit at those times and are becoming somewhat friendly. Sometimes it gags me but I push through it. Because I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that this is a long term relationship. We are going to be dealing with her forever. Not just 15 years, it will go past that.
I said that, to say this....it is really in YOUR best interest, and this child's, to try to stop hating him so badly. So he's not perfect, none of us are. You are never going to be able to make him be the father you want him to be. She is young, maybe he doesn't quite know what to do with her. Maybe he is overwhelmed. When SS was a baby, dad didn't do a lot with him. I did. He didn't know what to do with a pooping, crying baby who couldn't tell him what he needed. He is getting better now that he is talking and potty trained.
You and your gf have the power to change this. You can let it consume as much of your life as possible. And right now it seems to be consuming a lot of time. I really hope you are not speaking ill of the father in front of the child. She is young and doesn't understand but boy, will she pick up on the words you say and the image you give of him. Regardless of how he is, he is still her father. Even in the best situation she is going to dream that it is different. She is going to wish and hope that he changes. My son is 21 and STILL does it. And all she is going to remember is how you and mom bad mouthed him. He is probably not going to become this evil person to her, at least not for many years.

Please stop putting so much time into him and focus on your family. I'm telling you...it does work. It changes things to stop thinking about what a horrible person the other parent is. At the very least, it will make for a happier environment in YOUR home. And that is all you can control.

I wonder why you couldn't just get him anyway. Like Tigger said, Preschool isn't required so I'm sure him missing one day every other week isn't going to be an issue. What time does he go to Preschool? Maybe you could just pick him up there at regular time.

Sometimes people do crazy things. In our situation, BM took us back for modification thinking she was going to get a whole lot more. DH was on unemployment at the time and has since went back full time. What she didn't realize is when he is ordered to get insurance on him the amount of money SHE gets will be lower than she is even getting now. One of these days we hope to get these papers finalized and get things going.....it takes forever...

Our attorney told us that once we hired her she could never be hired by anyone else against DH. I would assume that goes for a firm as well but I'm not sure.