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Instinctively, I say stop giving her ANY money. Legally, I'm not sure if you can. Put the child support in a separate account, like ocean said. She is really going to see how she has hurt herself when you stop all money.

So dad is a crappy dad...he is STILL dad. He always will be.  Even abused children love their parents. I don't know why, but they do. So rest assured, your son loves this man. Your son calls stepdad  "dad" because YOU and more than likely he, have always called him daddy. Children don't just start calling random men daddy. They call men that when they are told that is your daddy. You aren't really giving this man a chance to be a good daddy. I can only imagine how you talk to him and about him. I don't blame him for not wanting to come around really. But I do agree he should step up to the plate. But you have to give him that opportunity, and you clearly aren't. One post you talk about how never brings things back and you had to spend 200 on clothes to replace what he ruined or lost. That is alot of clothes. He must have had him more than you are saying to waste that much. Or maybe you sent that much with him for one night and he tossed it all? Not likely.  Then the next post you are saying he never sees him.

We will never know the true story with you. Even if dad (the real one) came on here and defended himself we would never get the true details. BUT we do recognize someone who is trying their best to alienate the other parent, and we have no sympathy for those who do that. You have NO idea what you are doing to your son. I'm sure he seems fine to you, but rest assured, this is going to cause him problems. And when he grows up and realizes dad is not the bad guy, he IS going to blame you.

The block feature is your best friend on Facebook. I have a question...if you have your privacy settings to the max, how is she finding out about the pictures? Is there someone on your friend's list that is giving her the info? If so, delete them as well.  If you really block her, she can't even see your name, profile picture, or anything. Even if you comment on someone else's thread, she can't see it. I know this from experience.

Kudos to you for trying for the children's sake. I am a stepmom myself and it is a hard job, but so rewarding. I would also recommend stepping back and not talking to her. Change your number and do not give it to her. I agree with the other posters. You are falling in to her trap. She lives for the drama. I like the rewarding idea myself. Give and take. Give what she deserves and take away what she doesn't. And I would say exactly what was posted to the children when they ask why you hate their mother. They will know that you are telling the truth by how you act and how you carry yourself. They will also see her for what she is, although it may take time.

Hang in there and good luck.

I fear she is doing this to punish the dad for not being what she deems a good father. I hate, hate, hate my ss's bm but I would never, ever try to turn him against her. Because that would hurt HIM and no one else. A child cannot have enough loving adults in his life. I can only imagine what this father has to deal with to see his son, which MAY explain some of why he doesn't. This is a very sad thread.

I have been in my SS's life since before he was born. I do call him my step son even though we aren't married yet. I am called by my first name (or his version of it since he is just now talking good). Sometimes when he comes from his BM's he slips and calls me mom. I don't make a big deal of it because it's adjustment time. I'm sure he goes back and calls her by my name too. lol He knows and most times will correct himself. Sometimes I do correct him. It's just not a big deal. I will not be letting him call me mom though because I know it would highly piss BM off and no need for that. She does enough of it already.

My son calls my bf (of 4 years) by his first name.

You are very right. This is a very small town and pretty much everyone who knows her at the very least knows me. Dh is from our of town and not too well known. I am very confident that my word holds more weight than hers. She has a history and a reputation. I don't. My sheltered life paid off.

I didn't realize you could get separate meetings at the school. we will look in to that when the time comes. We have become very good at keeping things business like. When she came to sign the papers this last time with her boyfriend (whom we like) they were all chatty and carrying on. It was very awkward for us. But we survived and they left. life goes on.

Thanks for the support.

Been a while since I posted. Not a lot really happening. But I read often. Anyway, thought I would update. SS will be 3 in October. We started this journey when he was 3 months old. At that time we thought that BM would agree to what we typed up since she actually told us she would. After she read it, she backed out. So began our court battles.

So, in the end, we are now getting split custody which is what we wanted in the beginning. The only thing we aren't getting is claiming him every other year on taxes. She refused to budge on any of the money issues. So dad sucked it up and just let her have it. It wasn't about the money. He just gets ticked off that he has him the same exact amount of time, provides everything for him when he's here, pays child support, keeps insurance, yet SHE gets the financial benefit. Oh well.  We are kind of ticked that it cost us all this money to get what could have cost us 500.00 in the beginning. Would have been so much easier. Plus we get to hear her tell people that we are the "bad guys" and how we refuse to play nice. We have bent over backwards to try to keep this out of court and get it done with. We just want to move forward with our lives.
So, we are finally able to get things in order and move forward. I truly expect this to be the end of the court battles, unless she keeps dragging us through child support modifications. That's easy. Plug in the numbers and pay up. Not a problem. BUT I also know that we have a long road ahead of us. School will be a big one. We are going to have to be in the same room as her at times and it gets awkward. We can do it though. She's just so two faced. She wants to be all friendly and cut up and laugh but we can't forget the past 3 years and how she has treated us and talked about us. We are friendly at pick up and drop off but that's it. We'll never be hanging out with her. It's all good until she breaks up with her boyfriend of has a bad day, then we become the bad guys again, even though we have little/no contact with her. Only contact is when it is initiated by her and he only responds if it is about the baby.

So there is hope out there people. We are glad our journey seems to be in a stable place. Good luck everyone.

I have always said it never ends, not at 18...not at 30...but NEVER. It sounds like a step back has done you good. You seem to be in pretty good humor. I think that's all we get sometimes. I myself live fore the "karma" moments. I don't have to do a thing but sit back and watch.

Good luck.

I wouldn't think his health would be a reason a judge would grant him custody or even more than he has now. What type of disability is he going to get? My son drew a check under his father but he was on disability. I'm not sure if SSI does that. Maybe the children will be eligible for that.