Messages

Thanks for your reply, as the purpose of me posting was to determine a solution to visitation issues and we are now discussing the merits and rules of EMT services it is pointless. 

I therefore respectfully withdraw from the thread, thanks for all those who posted regarding visitations.  Good luck all.

Thank you for your reply, I grant your argument is valid but I have a concern as I am I led to understand the fallout form divorce court extends far and wide on state resources.  I believe one estimate from Illinois (2006) stated that for what the courts generate in federal returns and reimbursements for the state coffers of $ 160 million, the actually costs to the taxpayers over a year are approximately $112 billion dollars in offset or derived public burdens and that does not include the costs of dealing with the children of divorce or their outlooks into the future.   

For example in the inner city area's and from friends who work in and support of EMT services on the medical side, they often scratch their heads in disbelief at some of the outcomes or policies from the service provider they work for, we or I are not discounting the merit of what the service and it's goals are, it is quite literally a service that is one that has a proud and egalitarian tradition and some of the most extremely dedicated people whose goal in life is to help others in more ways than they are able and are I believe dedicated to the service of saving lives no matter what the circumstance.

Setting the perspective element aside, I do beg the question, how many of your calls are for  domestic violence alleged or otherwise, child safety issues.  Calls that are ( I do not in anyway infer to minimize the emergency of any call that has to be attended) shall we say questionable in your experience or is that a secret ?

As for my previous comments you will note, that I am PO'd because CPS and the police claim they have wasted x amount on what they know to be untrue.  Maybe their frustration is directed at me, but when I think of all that money wasted and some other needed services claiming poverty because they have no resources of course as a taxpayer I am going to be PO'd, but again I am not the only case and as a multiplier of my situation I question the veracity of these courts, if they can as they claim blindly not know what they are doing, and certainly many attorneys are master manipulators of bilking their clients in case and billing hours.  Which makes me wonder if they can do this to zealously protect their clients interests, how much more zealously are they going to protect the private taxpayers interests.

Had I known what I know now I would have cashed in everything and given it to some third world cause that I felt was good, as the charities here seem to have a lot of overheads.

However I apologize if you felt offended but I have concerns for more things that are of immediate concern to me, and of course would appreciate any input that serves towards that argument.  We are getting so gender polarized these days, no wonder many of my male friends are leaving the education, medical and social services in droves, or those unable are just sticking it out until they can collect their pensions.  If the young we are raising today cannot as estimated produce enough taxes or resources what is to become of the previous generations ability to sustain their incomes, that is also a concern.  Regardless thank you for pointing out the error of my ways.

Ok Folks back again, same problem.  To bring everyone up to speed, I was alleged to have taken nude video's and pictures of my children and other unknown nefarious acts.  The result of this false allegation is interesting and a novel new development for me, since the police came with a warrant and confiscated all the phones, cameras, and electronic equipment I had, along with other bits and pieces of interest.  They searched everything went through the girlfriends stuff and those of her children, she was so profoundly effected she told me I think this is another country that we live in and not America, the land of the free and the Brave.  More like the land of the taxpayer and truly screwed citizens.  I sincerely do believe that, as this is a perennial act and expected as a tactic, the sophistication is getting more creative and the former spouse must be well instructed on how to do this for maximum effect as she has gotten to use the proxy method.  This is where you use a mandatory reporter, preferably a teacher, nurse or doctor to make the report for you. I suspect it was a federal policy by design if you think about it.  After all no matter what you think about the situation you have to report it, even if you think it is wrong.    Instead of directly telling the children what to say, you get a patsy who by law is required to report.  SO be warned about this interesting development for me, and I am sure there are a few creative lawyers out there who need a new technique that helps their clients in a more decisive manner when they perform their parendectomies.

So I have been through the mill for the last month or so complying with the investigation and in addition took a polygraph test to theoretically clear me.  But alas time has passed by and I missed visitation with the children, which of course is the objective and a national legal sport.

So for easter weekend I go for my 128 mile ride to the pick up point and mommy, grandma, new hubby and children are there.  The kids come over and tell me they want to spend easter with Grandma, I say it is daddies time with the children and they can spend easter with daddy.  They say but we are going with Grandma for easter and we ain't going, the daughter starts whimpering and states she would like to spend time with grandma.  Grandma lives about 1/2 a mile away from the kids by the way.  My son asks what I have in the bag in the car, and whether one of my friends will be at home, I say I don't know, but I would like the children to get in the car and we will be off.  They promptly return to grandma and mommy who walk them back to their vehicle and the kids promptly jump in and they shout 'we ain't coming'. So we have the call to the police for assistance, they come take my details I tell them what happened, he goes talks to mommy and the kids.  After a few minutes he comes back with a strange and seemingly aggressive demeanor and tells me the kids are afraid to go with me and that he will not assist me any further and I should take the matter back to family court and he will testify.  I ask him if I go over to the vehicle and ask the kids to come will he help, he says it is not his job.  I ask him what exactly was said, he stated it will be in his report, but I can call him to court to testify.   So as a farewell for teh day to the kids I shout that I love them, whether or not they heard I don't know as the vehicle was closed up, but I tried.     

So apart from my learning that this is a national epedemic legal sport for attorney chump change, the CPS and Police complaining that they have wasted well over half a million dollars of good taxpayers money because they have to even though they know what is going on follow through on each and every allegation.  Brings me to the question of why is it that these courts are essentially driving fathers out of childrens lives quietly or under the radar, with what appears to be a complementary anti daddy/male media campaign based on sex and bad males, and worse males are apparently expendable.  I am looking further into this and trying to get as much statistical data as I can, so if you have any message me back channel but I know we will never get it from the legal system who it seems to be living large and well on this national epedemic in secret.

As for me I am open to suggestions, and privately or publicly trying to still find a solution that works other than being forced out of the kids lives by legal attrition.  I cannot believe how many people are touched by this evil legal empire and what it indirectly costs task payers to support nor the known outcomes for children of divorce or separation.  Not withstanding the amount of money I have wasted believing that a court of equity could even understand anything other than money and generating human fodder for it's enlargement

What is next. Folks, idea's suggestions good or bad are welcome.

A few people privately have indicated that I am sharing too much information, the reality is I am so fed up of this crap, the BS the manipulation and the way the system is used within the confines of the family court system I have almost given up caring.  Vindictiveness is one thing, manipulation by lawyers of court results using vulnerable people is another but there has to be a line where you cross it.  As I have not done any of the things claimed, ever,  period, zilch, nada, I do not have anything to fear.  So I share what I go through, so that others particularly dads can be aware.  I am also led to understand that the only way courts fix these things is to remove or one of the parents anyway, which is I assume the ultimate goal.  So regardless of what happens I hope this nightmare ends soon.  For a lot of Dad's the BS gets to be too much and having been through the ringer so many times it is no longer even funny.  Many Dads make choices for their own sanity and of course for the children of their marriage.   The question is will the truth set you free and will the wizard of oz keep pulling the strings.

Ok Folks, back to square one again.  I have over the passed few weeks had a couple of missed visitations, and of course the I am not going to help you get the kids but will take a report.  The interesting thing on one of the reports is the reporting officer recieved a call about an hour later, and I was suppodsedly carrying a concealed weapon.  Spring and summer are here again and we have the annual pattern of you are not getting the kids no matter what !  So I assume what has happened in previous years will be the same this year, no kids at all. 

As for recent events just had a visit by the kiddie porn squad, apparently the kids were interviewed and something was said regarding something but irrespective of that I have no idea.  But they were looking for pictures of the children and I have or should I say had thousands of pictures of them.  The house was searched the girlfriend had all her stuff looked through as well as me feeling violated she feels devasted.  The computers, phone and anything else was confiscated.  I don't know what the results of their enquiries will be but I know I have not done anything wrong, but we are dealing with a philosophy and modern day witch hunt as opposed to anything real against dad's.   As I am in the death throes of doing anything about continuing to see the kids, we that is the relationship that I have needs to be preserved in respect of my girlfriend who is just as frustrated as me at the whole process and been party to a lot of the BS. 

So in summary the original GAL in the case said sign off and let their new dad adopt the kids and stop them being traumatized.  The psych who evaluated the family stated that in such cases by the time the children are between 11 and 13 you will not be seeing the kids.   The attorneys have all basically stated wait untl the kids are 18, and the judges don't or won't want to deal with it.   As for now as soon as she finds out where I am working she will contact them and have me fired based on the new set of allegations,  I am due in court for back child support and they are telling me I am screwed and as I expect I will getting my 60 days gratis of the tax payers and suspended driving lisence.  I did file again for a reduction in CS since I am earning a pittance but I doubt they will do it.  I was in the other county where the original case was for CS as well, they didn't find me in contempt but tacked on another 1600 dollars in fees to an existing order for 2442.  So I should imagine I will be up in the 10's of thousands of doallrs in arrearage pretty soon. 

Oh well, anyone is welcome to chime in, ideas and support are welcome.  I did speak to someone who went through something similar and he says it all about the money and no one gives a crap anyway until it's their turn.  I understand that connect the dots does not work as each individual department does there own type of work and not one of them is capable of figuring out what is going on.  As for court I am told the best thing I should do is stay away unless they invite you on penalty of arrest.   So after another traumatizing session I do not know what to expect in the a.m.  Wish me luck.

Update, today 01/13/12 I got a call from the children.  Basically, 'We are not coming' (For visitation) !  I ask why, then we go through a series of questions.  It turns out from the mother that I am allegedly beating the children again, interestingly the mother has indicated that she has downloaded the contents of this forum post and has submitted them to the police. (Attourneys, or court !).  So all posters do be careful what you post on here.  However, I responded by stating I have no concern of the contents of the post. 

The children whom I asked to speak to again responded by stating initially that they have 'homework' to do, to which I respond that they can bring their homework with them.  Then for some reason the children especially our son decides to go on a tirade of demands and requests, basically.  You will let me go to sports, basketball, football and others or else he is never coming again.  The boy is 8 now, and the last visit he indicated along with our daughter 7 that mommy had something special arranged for them, but knew that they had visitation with me this weekend.   So something adds up and no one is going to be truthful, and sadly the children are being taught to be deceitful.  I have as stated before no control or input over what the children do in terms of school or sports, the only thing I understand is I have theoretical control of is, my unenforceable visitation or court allotted parenting time.  While I certainly have no desire to get into the game which I have so eloquently experienced already in the past of the mother.  Who will enroll all activities she can to become encumbent on you to furnish time and resources, even if it means going to a field in the middle of nowhere to some strange sports event that has nothing to do with mainstream education or valid sports.  So the effect is the children will spend most of your visitation in a transitional point as opposed to quality time with you.  Which I believe is the logic of thinking for what it is worth.     

So it looks like we are headed back to the old BS again, I will be making my way to the pick up point as usual and let us see how this goes.  I will attempt again to call again in the meanwhile to attempt to 'reason' with the kids and hope vainly that mommy can't offer more candy than I can and see if the Kids have changed their minds, but we shall see.  Unfortunately it appears truly that the only thing that matters is you make your court ordered usury fees and payments, everything else you will have to find resources from friends and family or the state if you can afford it.   So anyone who wants to chime in on the old what to do next or what actions are possible, you are more than welcome.

The other thing I find out is some states practice rolling in GAL fees as child support,  it doesn't matter how those charges originate but some do not.  So be wary of that one.  As much as 60% of the total child support owed by fathers nationwide as is claimed by the states or federal government is actually fees, interest and services provided by the state which they roll into the cost of child support.  The book 'Taken into custody' by Stephen Baskerville.  Explains the charge off process by the state enrolled practicioners and many who live well and large by providing those services many of which you do or may not not need but the probate court need to officiate it's form of business.  The new one I noticed as well is of course the service charge for each child is now (in my state) not by an individual support order, but by each individual child. So that is a $ 65 additional fee per child payable by the obliging parent.  When did that happen !   

Sounds like a familiar story. I hope my experience here is worth bringing into the debate.  Firstly there is a list of things that generally a hostile parent will do, it is a long list and very extensive and lots of people out here have stories to tell, at times these are creative if not soul destroying and a reflection of American culture.  They range from parents drugging their kids so the kids practically sleep through the whole visitation, to of course your current experience which is alienation, which does not legally exist, but in your case is in a form that may best be described as mild, so far, and not unusual, but for you it is absolutely real and devastating.   Commonly and mostly it is dads who are affected by this phenomena who just end up paying and walk away, so I give you great Kudos for hanging in there.  Generally the tide is changing slowly and I am hearing about more dads doing the same thing to their former spouses who they no longer like and with more females becoming the primary bread winner the state will generally follow the practice of punishing the one who makes most money.   

Secondly and more importantly is what is 'evidence' in a family and probate court, and what do you actually have.  thirdly of course is what the courts will accept as evidence and how they will perceive it.  I hold to the rule of KISS (keep things very simple).  The more complicated the issue the less likely anyone will hear or understand your complaint, if it is presented, and you fail to state a valid claim in equity not a moral or constitutional claim.   Sticking with facts is another issue, and of course it is what your attorney will do and what they actually present in court as your advocate.  A court action is nothing to do with what goes on between the attorneys, interrogatories, extra litigation and discovery which are normal to civil actions.  These are really fishing trips for attorneys to see if anything is worth fighting about or missing.  Of course everything is billable for everyone in the profession concerned with your case but do attempt to keep things as simple and under your control as possible.  What you can control is your dignity and self respect, the rest I am afraid got owned.
    
I believe Ocean, Mixed Bag and a few others helped me in more ways than I can thank them for in their advice and reality checks.  SO pay attention to seasoned contributors and understand what they are saying.   One of the things I have discovered is of course, this is a game to a few people with no holds barred.   You are fortunate to not have the old DV or sexual abuse allegations thrown into the mix, so be weary of those as that particular silver bullet is very tricky and usually dependent on the age of the children.  However, if you are relying on discovery and you have not seen what you have paid your attorney to discover, or share discovery with the other attorney I would question why and what is it.  What your attorney sees, knows and is doing is all paid for by you, so make sure nothing is done without your knowledge or approval, get what you are paying for everything even the court conferences.   

Videos are subjective, what you see or heard may not be seen by yourself objectively, so be very careful and ask for unbiased reviews from people who have absolutely no knowledge of what is going on.   You will be surprised at what people actually see and hear and how much it is different from what you see.    When evidence is presented into a court it can be done in two ways, one as exhibits and the other as evidence.   In my opinion an exhibit can be seen, shown but ignored as what it is, it is an 'exhibit', evidence it is not as it was presented as an exhibit.  You may like to see lots of exhibits but without evidence they can be legally ignored and what you think is evidence or information that the courts will use is actually never used but you think it is, that is why lots of people are often questioning a judges decision.  They are supposed to rule on the evidence, rules and procedures anything more and you have an attorney on the bench.   Exhibits are there to support evidence.   When you go into court watch the exhibit, evidence and orders carefully, and listen carefully to the legal conversations or words as to evidence, exhibits and testimony.   Keep track of them.  For example I believe I spent quite a lot of time assembling everything from doctors reports, medical reports, psychiatric reports, police reports, CPS reports, videos etc.   while I also used on advice, the batestamp system through the lawyer.  They were all presented as exhibits, not one piece of that information was accepted, nor were the police reports without the officer who wrote the report, nor were the CPS reports without the officer, nor were the psychiatric reports nor even the testimony of the psychiatrist who was deemed not credible.  So you must study up on the rules of evidence and learn what is practiced by attorneys and judges in your area.  An old friend of mine who spoke of these issues long since passed stated that the family and probate courts work on averment, omission and 99% of your ignorance of the law. It is a practice that is abhorrent to lay people who understand it when they see it, but under statutory law it is a case of first past the post is the winner and legally ethical.  So do learn rules of evidence, timeframes, how it is presented and how they cannot ignore it or omit it, otherwise you will spend many years doing navel examination as I did and well after the facts and law are long gone with a campfire that has gone out.   As for the best interests of the children I assume that was decided when you were given every other weekend and a child support order or whatever were the temporary but now permanent order. But for the other parent that will be too much time but you will have to pay anyway whether you see the kids, like it or not.      

Back again, the contempt was dismissed and we are all back on the family court merry go round again, however we are in mothers retribution phase for pissing her off.  I believe this was sparked off again when the kids were refusing to come, and the 'boy(, started telling me I was sticking my finger up his butt, hitting him in the back of the head, was mean to him, and beat him all the time.  The 'Girl (7)' also chimed in stating that I hit her on the back of the head and gave her headaches, was a very mean person and a piece of crap.  To which the 'boy' also remonstrated me the same way with words.  Mother of course was not helping the situation with grandma who apparently seemed to feed the children this crap.  But the main problem was of course I have no control of the situation as the children remained within the confines of mothers vehicle, and mommy is certainly not going to help get the children out.  I did ask the children when I did these things, and they responded all the time, to which I asked when and then did ask the mother why she was telling the kids I was fu**ing them, as that is what they were telling me.   

Grandma responded stating how dare you say those things in front of the kids, when the kids themselves were saying the same words themselves.   The girl stated before that I put my pee pee in her crotchie and my fingers too.  I did remain a few yards away from the vehicle as passers by were asking the mother if she needed any help.  Anyway I withdrew a little distance and let the mommy explain her side of the story to the helpful members of the public that heard whatever tale she was stating.  I asked the children again if they were coming or not in a more positive voice to which they responded no, we want to stay with mommy and go to the apple orchard.  So any whoo, I phoned the local police station and after about ten minutes of waiting, one officer turned up, but stated up front he was not going to help me and remained in his car.  I withdrew a little distance and called the children to come with me they refused encircled by mom and grandma.  The policeman must have changed his mind about something after he spoke to mom.  As he pointed towards my son and spoke loudly to him to 'Go with your dad, now and get out of the car'.  The children looked at mom and started crying, she then gathered the kids around her and approached the police officer.  The police officer pointed towards me looking at the children and said 'go'.  I approached the children and reached out one to each hand and guided them to my car.  Placed them in and  spoke to them gently saying I loved them, give them a hug and told them to fasten their seat belts.  When they were secure I closed the doors approached the police officer thanked him and returned to the car. 

I then drove the car and kids away from the car park to a safe distance and as I was driving asked them what all that was about.  Boy states that he is mad with me because I won't let him play football in his mothers area and the girl states that because I have them on Saturdays they can't go to the therapists or their dance lessons or their football meetings, and all their friends will be there and they won't. And Grandma has cancer and will die soon and they need to be with her and mom might die too because their auntie Susie tried to commit suicide.   Regardless, a few minutes into the journey I queried again what it was about, they were very quiet and sheepish, I did ask them on each individual point, to answer yes or no on the points that they spoke of, By 'did I', questions.  Did I do x to you, to which they answered no, I then asked them why they said those things, again they were quiet and sheepish.  I dropped the subject and the kids were back to normal and we played a few games, sang a few songs etc on the way back and all was well.  I did try again to find out what triggers them to say such awful things but they just go quiet and as my time is limited with them, what am I supposed to do.  Other than tell them that it is wrong to say bad things if they know those things aren't true, to which they agreed.    I did get an email through the family wizard program that the mommy had refused to use as she re signed up for it.  The email stated she does not wish to speak with me and that all communications will be through the FW email.  Great I thought, at least things will be in writing again.   

The week after dropping the kids off I get a package from her new attorney demanding money for old prescriptions that I thought I had already paid for and that I give up my weekends that the children may enjoy the time with their own local community and extracurricular activities, and of course now I am unemployed also a separate contempt from the court for unpaid CS, not filing my taxes with the court etc etc..   So it looks like I will be getting board and lodging at the taxpayers expense for xmas, along with a license suspension and if appropriate loss of any other state granted privileges. 

Oh well the joys of modern American parenthood best described as a roller coaster that you can never get off.  Is there a term for this that goes by the name of LAS or something,  Legal  Attrition something syndrome  or similar, because I really want to stay away from these legal people, it' like having a proctologist, gynecologist and bucketful of leeches messing with your body and your head.  But they do it ever so subtly and call it in the best interest I can make out of your kids.    Any input, pointers, remonstrations are welcome, I live to learn.    

[what I can do from here to get equal custody and visitation]

The baby's mom left calif. and promised to keep child from me. As far as i know i don't have any custody. Only named as father on birth cert. I moved in with her again and lived as a family for a year. A new fight ensued and she called the police and demanded I get out and forget the child. The baby, now two, and I bonded and I fell in love with her.I supported the family along with the mom while there. Now I am in Calif. and want to know what I can do from here to get equal custody and visitation. She has gone into hiding again and now i cant even call. I am not working and cant afford to hire a Vegas attorney and dont know how many times i will be able to travel to attend court and resolve this. What kind of custody should I sue her for? Can I expect 50% with her and 50% with me? what will the Vegas judge most likely grant based on my circumstance? I don't want to wait till I find good work, get better established etc etc. I have procrastinated too long now.

In WI, MA, CO, MN and quite a few others, unmarried dads tend to get a raw deal, the laws regarding unmarried dads vary by state and what is commonly practiced by attorneys/Judges in that county and by state policy. You would have to check the laws of your state thoroughly to see what applies in your case, more importantly how the law is applied but do find or seek out a few dads in your state similarly situated to your position, check out their paperwork, their views and what they got.  Fathers groups or pro active fathers rights activists are few and far between, but can be helpful for support.   However in your case when the police were called were you charged ? with anything ?  was a police record of violence or some form of abuse recorded or alleged ? even if it is only an accusation don't ignore it, the courts will rely on it? One of the most common tactics to remove possibilities of shared parenting are false accusations, which unfortunately will in domestic civil and divorce courts allow them or your exGF/spouse to beat you about the head with it's version of facts until you give in to whatever the court see's as appropriate and follow their case plan.  A GAL will often be appointed to direct the court and legal argument on behalf of the judge.   The other tactic of course is universal which is the length of time which you are separated from seeing the child, again another argument the court will offer.  Establishment which is the primary goal of gaining custody.  It does not matter how the mother or the system achieves this, the period of separation triggers a few more professional court 'helpers' to be involved and a few more hurdles for you to jump through to get to see the child.  Your biggest problem of course is preventing her moving again with the child even after you have secured any form of visitation, she need simply take up residence of any state or county for the period of about thirty days and there is very little you can do to stop it or even know about it in most cases, other than follow the court that has taken jurisdiction of the child and mother.  Your best bet is to hope she finds a nest with someone she likes to be around and offer stability for the child for at least a couple of years.  One of your major obstacles of course is going to be litigation, discovery and money.  You need to learn the format and procedure for what you wish to achieve.  If you are paying CS which is generally the only thing the state will be interested in, then you are doing your job and anything else you want to achieve will be considered a nuisance to the courts and they generally don't like you flying your own court case.  Throw your emotions out of the window on this one and be as clear as possible on what you want to happen and how it is possible to do it.  The only cases of mothers sharing is if they want to, and the few cases where dad's have got the kids is if the Dad outlaw the mom at her own loaded court game, or she does not want the kids and voluntarily gives them to the dad.  If she gives them to anyone else or adopts them out and you are not timely informed, then unfortunately again there is not much you can do.   Even if you are the dad, the most common tactic to use by franchised state agencies, including the legal system is to send information to your last or any known address you have lived at, by the time you get the letter or notice if ever, again too late to fight the bureaucratic rules.  The easiest way of course is to try and work with the mother which often may mean paying for things that she wants on top of child support, those are usually good incentives to keep her in a good mood and willing to share.

That is part of the rational to make me believe I took the 'choice' and less conflict route, I have spent the last seven years fighting the courts and attorneys to follow common sense only to find out that they generally only follow the money, from the state, their pensions and of course federal funds. I seriously do not want to go into the litigation vortex that way again, or more to the point I am so fed up of these professional players I really have no time for any of them, especially the ones that claim they help the kids.  I will be paying for those people with no money and the majority of my income for the next ten years if not for the rest of my life paying their fees, under contempt.   On my way to this point as I have stated before, the false accusations have cost me my job, all my income, my house and almost all my sanity.  The result of my last court quest I was basically told that to have an effective deterrent I would have to invoke a criminal statute, but was also told that the DA will never prosecute a family court appointed custodian female.  I have had enough of court appointed GAL's as they are basically political advocates for the judges and public opinion, so I do advise males to stay as far away from these people as possible.  My kids were so messed up by the person who claimed to protect them it is not even funny, I am working hard with the children to give them simple respite as that is all I am left to give them no point in trying to believe that having therapists who charge you up the wazoo to fix nothing over as many years as they and the lawyers can create billability, I am hoping as they get older they may view me as something a little more than a fun guy to be with and their real daddy, but I believe I am a little too late as the children are pretty dominated by some all female contenders with not a male role for the children in sight other than the few guys who I am aware of that bed hop between the kids other parental role models.  However I will point out that something that my former spouses attorney did tell me privately, he stated he did not like my spouse, but it is his job to protect her and his income, but he is not the idiot that stuck his d*** in his well F U client, and whatever I do, his best advice was to take it up the ass and wait until the kids are 18 and hope for the best the courts are going to give you nothing but pain.  The same as any of the other attorneys, you are not going to beat federal policy, family court politics or especially TANF funds.  But of all the attoneys my spouses attorney was the most truthful to me.  It was a strange revelation to me to find out that gender equality is not obtainable, and the majority of this nations children of divorce are technically all on federal welfare so the state can claim it's federal cash.  I believe it was Hoeven in ND who made this explicitly clear to his legislature when he said ' If he allowed shared parenting, his state would lose $100 million dollars in federal assistance.  Now that is all 100% professional welfare for a predatory system that has developed over the last few decades.  The indirect costs of this policy as a deficit to citizens costs taxpayers at least ten times as much to fix. years down the line, but I am to understand certain federal programs have served their purpose and the effects are permanent for quite a few generations to come.