SOLUTIONS AND METHOD

[Andrew_S]

Update, today 01/13/12 I got a call from the children.  Basically, 'We are not coming' (For visitation) !  I ask why, then we go through a series of questions.  It turns out from the mother that I am allegedly beating the children again, interestingly the mother has indicated that she has downloaded the contents of this forum post and has submitted them to the police. (Attourneys, or court !).  So all posters do be careful what you post on here.  However, I responded by stating I have no concern of the contents of the post. 

The children whom I asked to speak to again responded by stating initially that they have 'homework' to do, to which I respond that they can bring their homework with them.  Then for some reason the children especially our son decides to go on a tirade of demands and requests, basically.  You will let me go to sports, basketball, football and others or else he is never coming again.  The boy is 8 now, and the last visit he indicated along with our daughter 7 that mommy had something special arranged for them, but knew that they had visitation with me this weekend.   So something adds up and no one is going to be truthful, and sadly the children are being taught to be deceitful.  I have as stated before no control or input over what the children do in terms of school or sports, the only thing I understand is I have theoretical control of is, my unenforceable visitation or court allotted parenting time.  While I certainly have no desire to get into the game which I have so eloquently experienced already in the past of the mother.  Who will enroll all activities she can to become encumbent on you to furnish time and resources, even if it means going to a field in the middle of nowhere to some strange sports event that has nothing to do with mainstream education or valid sports.  So the effect is the children will spend most of your visitation in a transitional point as opposed to quality time with you.  Which I believe is the logic of thinking for what it is worth.     

So it looks like we are headed back to the old BS again, I will be making my way to the pick up point as usual and let us see how this goes.  I will attempt again to call again in the meanwhile to attempt to 'reason' with the kids and hope vainly that mommy can't offer more candy than I can and see if the Kids have changed their minds, but we shall see.  Unfortunately it appears truly that the only thing that matters is you make your court ordered usury fees and payments, everything else you will have to find resources from friends and family or the state if you can afford it.   So anyone who wants to chime in on the old what to do next or what actions are possible, you are more than welcome.

The other thing I find out is some states practice rolling in GAL fees as child support,  it doesn't matter how those charges originate but some do not.  So be wary of that one.  As much as 60% of the total child support owed by fathers nationwide as is claimed by the states or federal government is actually fees, interest and services provided by the state which they roll into the cost of child support.  The book 'Taken into custody' by Stephen Baskerville.  Explains the charge off process by the state enrolled practicioners and many who live well and large by providing those services many of which you do or may not not need but the probate court need to officiate it's form of business.  The new one I noticed as well is of course the service charge for each child is now (in my state) not by an individual support order, but by each individual child. So that is a $ 65 additional fee per child payable by the obliging parent.  When did that happen !   

[ocean]

Try not to have a conversation with the kids. Just say daddy loves you and will be at the half way point on friday. This is an adult issue...talk to you soon". If they continue say "I am not discussing this with you, I will talk to mom later, have a great rest of the week and I will see you on Friday".

Get the paperwork together to file contempt on Monday. Hope she brings them later. Sad that she can not put the kids first instead of her hate for you. Kids deserve both their parents.

[MixedBag]

File Tuesday -- as this weekend is a 3-day weekend and Monday is a federal holiday where most courts will be closed.

Point is file on the very next day after being denied.

And don't get frustrated on Monday -- Federal Holiday.

[ocean]

oh yeah....lol Forgot about the extra day off

[Andrew_S]

Ok Folks, back to square one again.  I have over the passed few weeks had a couple of missed visitations, and of course the I am not going to help you get the kids but will take a report.  The interesting thing on one of the reports is the reporting officer recieved a call about an hour later, and I was suppodsedly carrying a concealed weapon.  Spring and summer are here again and we have the annual pattern of you are not getting the kids no matter what !  So I assume what has happened in previous years will be the same this year, no kids at all. 

As for recent events just had a visit by the kiddie porn squad, apparently the kids were interviewed and something was said regarding something but irrespective of that I have no idea.  But they were looking for pictures of the children and I have or should I say had thousands of pictures of them.  The house was searched the girlfriend had all her stuff looked through as well as me feeling violated she feels devasted.  The computers, phone and anything else was confiscated.  I don't know what the results of their enquiries will be but I know I have not done anything wrong, but we are dealing with a philosophy and modern day witch hunt as opposed to anything real against dad's.   As I am in the death throes of doing anything about continuing to see the kids, we that is the relationship that I have needs to be preserved in respect of my girlfriend who is just as frustrated as me at the whole process and been party to a lot of the BS. 

So in summary the original GAL in the case said sign off and let their new dad adopt the kids and stop them being traumatized.  The psych who evaluated the family stated that in such cases by the time the children are between 11 and 13 you will not be seeing the kids.   The attorneys have all basically stated wait untl the kids are 18, and the judges don't or won't want to deal with it.   As for now as soon as she finds out where I am working she will contact them and have me fired based on the new set of allegations,  I am due in court for back child support and they are telling me I am screwed and as I expect I will getting my 60 days gratis of the tax payers and suspended driving lisence.  I did file again for a reduction in CS since I am earning a pittance but I doubt they will do it.  I was in the other county where the original case was for CS as well, they didn't find me in contempt but tacked on another 1600 dollars in fees to an existing order for 2442.  So I should imagine I will be up in the 10's of thousands of doallrs in arrearage pretty soon. 

Oh well, anyone is welcome to chime in, ideas and support are welcome.  I did speak to someone who went through something similar and he says it all about the money and no one gives a crap anyway until it's their turn.  I understand that connect the dots does not work as each individual department does there own type of work and not one of them is capable of figuring out what is going on.  As for court I am told the best thing I should do is stay away unless they invite you on penalty of arrest.   So after another traumatizing session I do not know what to expect in the a.m.  Wish me luck.

[Andrew_S]

A few people privately have indicated that I am sharing too much information, the reality is I am so fed up of this crap, the BS the manipulation and the way the system is used within the confines of the family court system I have almost given up caring.  Vindictiveness is one thing, manipulation by lawyers of court results using vulnerable people is another but there has to be a line where you cross it.  As I have not done any of the things claimed, ever,  period, zilch, nada, I do not have anything to fear.  So I share what I go through, so that others particularly dads can be aware.  I am also led to understand that the only way courts fix these things is to remove or one of the parents anyway, which is I assume the ultimate goal.  So regardless of what happens I hope this nightmare ends soon.  For a lot of Dad's the BS gets to be too much and having been through the ringer so many times it is no longer even funny.  Many Dads make choices for their own sanity and of course for the children of their marriage.   The question is will the truth set you free and will the wizard of oz keep pulling the strings.

[Andrew_S]

Ok Folks back again, same problem.  To bring everyone up to speed, I was alleged to have taken nude video's and pictures of my children and other unknown nefarious acts.  The result of this false allegation is interesting and a novel new development for me, since the police came with a warrant and confiscated all the phones, cameras, and electronic equipment I had, along with other bits and pieces of interest.  They searched everything went through the girlfriends stuff and those of her children, she was so profoundly effected she told me I think this is another country that we live in and not America, the land of the free and the Brave.  More like the land of the taxpayer and truly screwed citizens.  I sincerely do believe that, as this is a perennial act and expected as a tactic, the sophistication is getting more creative and the former spouse must be well instructed on how to do this for maximum effect as she has gotten to use the proxy method.  This is where you use a mandatory reporter, preferably a teacher, nurse or doctor to make the report for you. I suspect it was a federal policy by design if you think about it.  After all no matter what you think about the situation you have to report it, even if you think it is wrong.    Instead of directly telling the children what to say, you get a patsy who by law is required to report.  SO be warned about this interesting development for me, and I am sure there are a few creative lawyers out there who need a new technique that helps their clients in a more decisive manner when they perform their parendectomies.

So I have been through the mill for the last month or so complying with the investigation and in addition took a polygraph test to theoretically clear me.  But alas time has passed by and I missed visitation with the children, which of course is the objective and a national legal sport.

So for easter weekend I go for my 128 mile ride to the pick up point and mommy, grandma, new hubby and children are there.  The kids come over and tell me they want to spend easter with Grandma, I say it is daddies time with the children and they can spend easter with daddy.  They say but we are going with Grandma for easter and we ain't going, the daughter starts whimpering and states she would like to spend time with grandma.  Grandma lives about 1/2 a mile away from the kids by the way.  My son asks what I have in the bag in the car, and whether one of my friends will be at home, I say I don't know, but I would like the children to get in the car and we will be off.  They promptly return to grandma and mommy who walk them back to their vehicle and the kids promptly jump in and they shout 'we ain't coming'. So we have the call to the police for assistance, they come take my details I tell them what happened, he goes talks to mommy and the kids.  After a few minutes he comes back with a strange and seemingly aggressive demeanor and tells me the kids are afraid to go with me and that he will not assist me any further and I should take the matter back to family court and he will testify.  I ask him if I go over to the vehicle and ask the kids to come will he help, he says it is not his job.  I ask him what exactly was said, he stated it will be in his report, but I can call him to court to testify.   So as a farewell for teh day to the kids I shout that I love them, whether or not they heard I don't know as the vehicle was closed up, but I tried.     

So apart from my learning that this is a national epedemic legal sport for attorney chump change, the CPS and Police complaining that they have wasted well over half a million dollars of good taxpayers money because they have to even though they know what is going on follow through on each and every allegation.  Brings me to the question of why is it that these courts are essentially driving fathers out of childrens lives quietly or under the radar, with what appears to be a complementary anti daddy/male media campaign based on sex and bad males, and worse males are apparently expendable.  I am looking further into this and trying to get as much statistical data as I can, so if you have any message me back channel but I know we will never get it from the legal system who it seems to be living large and well on this national epedemic in secret.

As for me I am open to suggestions, and privately or publicly trying to still find a solution that works other than being forced out of the kids lives by legal attrition.  I cannot believe how many people are touched by this evil legal empire and what it indirectly costs task payers to support nor the known outcomes for children of divorce or separation.  Not withstanding the amount of money I have wasted believing that a court of equity could even understand anything other than money and generating human fodder for it's enlargement

What is next. Folks, idea's suggestions good or bad are welcome.

[Kitty C.]

I think your problem is a matter of perspective.

Do NOT mistake the responsibility of a mandatory reporter with the callous antics of family court, vindictive exes, and CPS and law enforcement who are only acting on what they are told and know.

I am a volunteer EMT and a mandatory reporter.  It is federal and the penalties mandatory reporters face if they fail to make a report can be catastrophic:
Sanctions for Failure to Report Child Abuse Iowa Code section 232.75 provides for civil and criminal sanctions for failing to report child abuse. Any person, official, agency, or institution required by this chapter to report a suspected case of child abuse who knowingly and willfully fails to do so is guilty of a simple misdemeanor. Any person, official, agency, or institution required by Iowa Code section 232.69 to report a suspected case of child abuse who knowingly fails to do so, or who knowingly interferes with the making of such a report in violation of section 232.70, is civilly liable for the damages proximately caused by such failure or interference.

I have my certification hanging over my head if I fail to report a suspicion.  I have absolutely NO control over how or what information is either given to me or what I see....all I know is that if I fail to report it and it is discovered that I knew and failed to report it, I face civil and criminal penalties, along with permanent loss of my EMS certification.  To me and to many others in EMS, it is a calling, not a career, and we do not differentiate between who's doing what to whom.....our only focus is on the welfare of the child and what we see and hear, period.

As I said, it's a matter of perspective.... 

[Andrew_S]

Thank you for your reply, I grant your argument is valid but I have a concern as I am I led to understand the fallout form divorce court extends far and wide on state resources.  I believe one estimate from Illinois (2006) stated that for what the courts generate in federal returns and reimbursements for the state coffers of $ 160 million, the actually costs to the taxpayers over a year are approximately $112 billion dollars in offset or derived public burdens and that does not include the costs of dealing with the children of divorce or their outlooks into the future.   

For example in the inner city area's and from friends who work in and support of EMT services on the medical side, they often scratch their heads in disbelief at some of the outcomes or policies from the service provider they work for, we or I are not discounting the merit of what the service and it's goals are, it is quite literally a service that is one that has a proud and egalitarian tradition and some of the most extremely dedicated people whose goal in life is to help others in more ways than they are able and are I believe dedicated to the service of saving lives no matter what the circumstance.

Setting the perspective element aside, I do beg the question, how many of your calls are for  domestic violence alleged or otherwise, child safety issues.  Calls that are ( I do not in anyway infer to minimize the emergency of any call that has to be attended) shall we say questionable in your experience or is that a secret ?

As for my previous comments you will note, that I am PO'd because CPS and the police claim they have wasted x amount on what they know to be untrue.  Maybe their frustration is directed at me, but when I think of all that money wasted and some other needed services claiming poverty because they have no resources of course as a taxpayer I am going to be PO'd, but again I am not the only case and as a multiplier of my situation I question the veracity of these courts, if they can as they claim blindly not know what they are doing, and certainly many attorneys are master manipulators of bilking their clients in case and billing hours.  Which makes me wonder if they can do this to zealously protect their clients interests, how much more zealously are they going to protect the private taxpayers interests.

Had I known what I know now I would have cashed in everything and given it to some third world cause that I felt was good, as the charities here seem to have a lot of overheads.

However I apologize if you felt offended but I have concerns for more things that are of immediate concern to me, and of course would appreciate any input that serves towards that argument.  We are getting so gender polarized these days, no wonder many of my male friends are leaving the education, medical and social services in droves, or those unable are just sticking it out until they can collect their pensions.  If the young we are raising today cannot as estimated produce enough taxes or resources what is to become of the previous generations ability to sustain their incomes, that is also a concern.  Regardless thank you for pointing out the error of my ways.

[Kitty C.]

I live in a rural area and, though we have the highest call record of all volunteer EMS services in this county, our volume of potential domestic violence/child abuse calls are minimal.  But that's NOT the point.  The thing is that any call that could potentially prompt filing a report of possible abuse is never paged out that way. 

Only once we are on the scene and observe and treat do we have any reason to make a report.  For example, we could be paged to a call regarding a lost child in a timber or corn field.  Doesn't sound like abuse, does it?  But during the course of the call, we find out that the child ran away...why?  The parent(s)' story doesn't seem to add up, either.  Enough suspicion and we are bound by law to file a report.  I could give you many more examples, but I think you get the point.  I cannot give you details of a specific call, as that would be a breach of confidentiality.  We are trained to not only note the obvious but debrief calls to discuss what everyone observed and if there are any questions or concerns.

As for outcomes, that is not our responsibility, tho it can be frustrating when it doesn't go the way WE think it should.  The problem with that is we never get the full story on what was going on, only the small part that we were involved in.  We have no idea what's going on behind the scenes or on the legal front, nor do we need to unless we are called to court to testify regarding the actual call and what we observed or treated.

Like I said before, EMS and any other entity who is required by law to be a mandatory reporter does NOT have an agenda nor are we allowed to have one.  We are forced to be an objective 3rd party reporter and to do otherwise would put our integrity in question.  As for my state EMS system, you'd have your certification under a microscope if the powers-that-be thought otherwise.

All I'm saying is that there are some people within the system that are actually doing their jobs the way they are supposed to.  Once it's out of our hands, we have absolutely NO control over it and we have no agenda regarding it.