SOLUTIONS AND METHOD

[Andrew_S]

Hi all, I managed to get service of my contempt by the sheriff processing department, I am still awaiting receipt confirmation but they have verbally acknowledged service, I will have to file the receipt with the court to get a court date for the contempt hearing.  In the meanwhile on the 20th I am before a court commissioner, who is hearing the supervised visitation motion from the former spouse.  Again I reiterate I require any input from anyone who in these family courts keeps getting motions for the same thing, and what their experience is, and how you get out of the legal loop to stop it happening, again and again.  I don't have much money left so the lawyers have long gone and got their pound of flesh.
At the moment there is no communication, either by phone, by email or family wizard with either the former spouse or the children, those items are part of my existing court contract order, and I have tried very hard and just short of knocking on the door.  I am remaining optimistic and calm, because there is no point in getting a hernia or ending up asking for help for males as their really is none short of seeing an attorney and forums such as this.

[Andrew_S]

Still waiting for a hearing date to be set on my motion for Contempt filed on the 27th of May, I have learned that she has communicated with the court as I received a letter from the court commissioner stating so and he has stated that he cannot hear the contempt motion as that can only be heard by a Judge. My former spouse also has an attorney funded by an advocacy group to represent her or that is my understanding at this point.  I have communicated with that attorney stating that I need some discovery on what exactly is my former spouses beef and what evidence she has to overturn a recent Judges decision. To date, I have received nothing or a response but the attorney is now listed as the attorney of court record.

My biggest concern of course at this juncture is legal technicalities, the last time I encountered this situation as I have mentioned before is the commisioner will order a temporary order and I will just continue to wait for the court machinery to grind it's way along and the kids are eventually estranged.  The last time I filed such a motion I was dragged into the litigation and money vortex and I was placed on supervised visitation, during that time the GAL who represented the kids stated that the best thing I could do was give up my parental rights and her new husband could adopt the kids.  So this 20th of June her motion for supervised visitation will be heard in front of the commissioner, lets see what happens. 

[Andrew_S]

Ok, Motion for supervised visitation was dismissed, date for contempt on my motion set for 20th July, a GAL and fees has been ordered. Now we wait again, former spouse has offered to let me see the children, but only because she lost her motion otherwise she stated if she had won I would not be seeing them again.  Regardless as has been pointed out we have to play by mommy's rules.  My concern as always is the length of time she has to work on the children and alienate them, it is a tough road, leaving tough choices.

[ocean]

Good! She was probably told that contempt is serious and if there is a court order she has to follow it. (although punishment is usually nothing for women from what I have seen).

[Kitty C.]

Ok, Motion for supervised visitation was dismissed, date for contempt on my motion set for 20th July, a GAL and fees has been ordered. Now we wait again, former spouse has offered to let me see the children, but only because she lost her motion otherwise she stated if she had won I would not be seeing them again.  Regardless as has been pointed out we have to play by mommy's rules.  My concern as always is the length of time she has to work on the children and alienate them, it is a tough road, leaving tough choices.

Did she e-mail you this or was this during a conversation?  Because if it was an e-mail, it's something the GAL needs to see.....

[Andrew_S]

I did sign this (below) agreement as a compromise as one of those tough choices, it comes down to facilitating access to the children over the Summer vacation periods for me, I will and expect that I will never get that time back.  I understand from the children they were kept in day care and I thought it would better if they spend time with me instead and if I allow more time to progress ultimately as in most cases the children will suffer lack of interaction with me and not only never learn anything from me but also we can just hang out and try be dad and kids, instead of being separated by trying to hold a position of legal validation.   It would have been almost 3 months since seeing the children if I don't.

I, XXXXXXX   have offered to give Andrew G Steiger parenting time in exchange for withdrawal of a motion for contempt against me.
June 21st 2011 at 6 pm to June 24th 2011 at 6.00 p.m.
July 16th 2011 at 6 p.m.until July 22nd at  6.00 p.m.
September 2nd 2011 at 6 p.m. until September 5th, 2011 at 6.00 p.m.

I XXXXXX will allow Andrew G Steiger to maintain his scheduled Summer Vacation as set forth in the court order for 2010 and clarification dated 2011.

Signed by Former spouse

Signed by her husband

And signed by me.

[CarteretCountyNCDad]

A lot going on here...

What does your current orders state to see kids and is she allowing those visits now?

I will await your response to that to give you some more info...the only thing I can say is if you can get pick ups at school then mom can not interfere..

I agree, the federal DV agenda has become so strong now that they, I believe, have created a state in which it is common to falsely accuse to put the man on the defensive so that a woman is assured of winning.

[Andrew_S]

That is part of the rational to make me believe I took the 'choice' and less conflict route, I have spent the last seven years fighting the courts and attorneys to follow common sense only to find out that they generally only follow the money, from the state, their pensions and of course federal funds. I seriously do not want to go into the litigation vortex that way again, or more to the point I am so fed up of these professional players I really have no time for any of them, especially the ones that claim they help the kids.  I will be paying for those people with no money and the majority of my income for the next ten years if not for the rest of my life paying their fees, under contempt.   On my way to this point as I have stated before, the false accusations have cost me my job, all my income, my house and almost all my sanity.  The result of my last court quest I was basically told that to have an effective deterrent I would have to invoke a criminal statute, but was also told that the DA will never prosecute a family court appointed custodian female.  I have had enough of court appointed GAL's as they are basically political advocates for the judges and public opinion, so I do advise males to stay as far away from these people as possible.  My kids were so messed up by the person who claimed to protect them it is not even funny, I am working hard with the children to give them simple respite as that is all I am left to give them no point in trying to believe that having therapists who charge you up the wazoo to fix nothing over as many years as they and the lawyers can create billability, I am hoping as they get older they may view me as something a little more than a fun guy to be with and their real daddy, but I believe I am a little too late as the children are pretty dominated by some all female contenders with not a male role for the children in sight other than the few guys who I am aware of that bed hop between the kids other parental role models.  However I will point out that something that my former spouses attorney did tell me privately, he stated he did not like my spouse, but it is his job to protect her and his income, but he is not the idiot that stuck his d*** in his well F U client, and whatever I do, his best advice was to take it up the ass and wait until the kids are 18 and hope for the best the courts are going to give you nothing but pain.  The same as any of the other attorneys, you are not going to beat federal policy, family court politics or especially TANF funds.  But of all the attoneys my spouses attorney was the most truthful to me.  It was a strange revelation to me to find out that gender equality is not obtainable, and the majority of this nations children of divorce are technically all on federal welfare so the state can claim it's federal cash.  I believe it was Hoeven in ND who made this explicitly clear to his legislature when he said ' If he allowed shared parenting, his state would lose $100 million dollars in federal assistance.  Now that is all 100% professional welfare for a predatory system that has developed over the last few decades.  The indirect costs of this policy as a deficit to citizens costs taxpayers at least ten times as much to fix. years down the line, but I am to understand certain federal programs have served their purpose and the effects are permanent for quite a few generations to come.   

[Andrew_S]

Back again, the contempt was dismissed and we are all back on the family court merry go round again, however we are in mothers retribution phase for pissing her off.  I believe this was sparked off again when the kids were refusing to come, and the 'boy(, started telling me I was sticking my finger up his butt, hitting him in the back of the head, was mean to him, and beat him all the time.  The 'Girl (7)' also chimed in stating that I hit her on the back of the head and gave her headaches, was a very mean person and a piece of crap.  To which the 'boy' also remonstrated me the same way with words.  Mother of course was not helping the situation with grandma who apparently seemed to feed the children this crap.  But the main problem was of course I have no control of the situation as the children remained within the confines of mothers vehicle, and mommy is certainly not going to help get the children out.  I did ask the children when I did these things, and they responded all the time, to which I asked when and then did ask the mother why she was telling the kids I was fu**ing them, as that is what they were telling me.   

Grandma responded stating how dare you say those things in front of the kids, when the kids themselves were saying the same words themselves.   The girl stated before that I put my pee pee in her crotchie and my fingers too.  I did remain a few yards away from the vehicle as passers by were asking the mother if she needed any help.  Anyway I withdrew a little distance and let the mommy explain her side of the story to the helpful members of the public that heard whatever tale she was stating.  I asked the children again if they were coming or not in a more positive voice to which they responded no, we want to stay with mommy and go to the apple orchard.  So any whoo, I phoned the local police station and after about ten minutes of waiting, one officer turned up, but stated up front he was not going to help me and remained in his car.  I withdrew a little distance and called the children to come with me they refused encircled by mom and grandma.  The policeman must have changed his mind about something after he spoke to mom.  As he pointed towards my son and spoke loudly to him to 'Go with your dad, now and get out of the car'.  The children looked at mom and started crying, she then gathered the kids around her and approached the police officer.  The police officer pointed towards me looking at the children and said 'go'.  I approached the children and reached out one to each hand and guided them to my car.  Placed them in and  spoke to them gently saying I loved them, give them a hug and told them to fasten their seat belts.  When they were secure I closed the doors approached the police officer thanked him and returned to the car. 

I then drove the car and kids away from the car park to a safe distance and as I was driving asked them what all that was about.  Boy states that he is mad with me because I won't let him play football in his mothers area and the girl states that because I have them on Saturdays they can't go to the therapists or their dance lessons or their football meetings, and all their friends will be there and they won't. And Grandma has cancer and will die soon and they need to be with her and mom might die too because their auntie Susie tried to commit suicide.   Regardless, a few minutes into the journey I queried again what it was about, they were very quiet and sheepish, I did ask them on each individual point, to answer yes or no on the points that they spoke of, By 'did I', questions.  Did I do x to you, to which they answered no, I then asked them why they said those things, again they were quiet and sheepish.  I dropped the subject and the kids were back to normal and we played a few games, sang a few songs etc on the way back and all was well.  I did try again to find out what triggers them to say such awful things but they just go quiet and as my time is limited with them, what am I supposed to do.  Other than tell them that it is wrong to say bad things if they know those things aren't true, to which they agreed.    I did get an email through the family wizard program that the mommy had refused to use as she re signed up for it.  The email stated she does not wish to speak with me and that all communications will be through the FW email.  Great I thought, at least things will be in writing again.   

The week after dropping the kids off I get a package from her new attorney demanding money for old prescriptions that I thought I had already paid for and that I give up my weekends that the children may enjoy the time with their own local community and extracurricular activities, and of course now I am unemployed also a separate contempt from the court for unpaid CS, not filing my taxes with the court etc etc..   So it looks like I will be getting board and lodging at the taxpayers expense for xmas, along with a license suspension and if appropriate loss of any other state granted privileges. 

Oh well the joys of modern American parenthood best described as a roller coaster that you can never get off.  Is there a term for this that goes by the name of LAS or something,  Legal  Attrition something syndrome  or similar, because I really want to stay away from these legal people, it' like having a proctologist, gynecologist and bucketful of leeches messing with your body and your head.  But they do it ever so subtly and call it in the best interest I can make out of your kids.    Any input, pointers, remonstrations are welcome, I live to learn.    

[ocean]

My dh and I could of wrote that whole first part word for word!! Omg...it was like reading our story, except our police officer did nothing...but the kids yelling, cursing, saying they are not getting out of car. And getting the letter that we owed medical money...Same...

My dh wore a voice recorder at pick-ups and you can hear the kids yelling and ex not walking away like she was ordered to do by GAL. She gave them rewards if they did not go with dh.

At next hearing, call that police officer as a witness. Go get the certified police report and see what he wrote in report too

Dh ex hired a new lawyer this past summer to send a threatening letter about money owed, well, lets just say that DH called and told him he was number 8 lawyer and may want to get facts straight before he sends another letter here. That children are covered under two insurances and have no copays. Have not heard a word since.