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She wants you to pay by money order so there is no paper-trail and then come back to you over and over for the same money, and when you don't comply - she'll litigate and you'll have no proof of payment.

That sounds pretty accurate.. from my personal experience, getting a copy of a money order is extremely difficult if not impossible. The easiest solution to your problem is to pay by check, if she'll take it. Then you have your documentation as well as avoiding unnecessary conflict.

Hi Kitty C.

Thanks for the info, we will be including her statements about HIPAA in the declaration we are getting ready to file for court on 11/12. Like you stated, let her tell it to the Commissioner.

In that case, it's very likely she made up the statement about her boss. Yes, she is very good at twisting things..

Much thanks to you both..I'm sure BM is simply looking for a reason NOT to give DH the information, and her boss apparently  provided her with one. DH did make the suggestion  that she could blacken out other parties' information, but she still refused. So.. we are returning to court on 11/12, for a contempt hearing on this and other issues.

CuriousMom- I was under the same impression.. but BM states that after discussing it with her boss that the Commissioner is not allowed to order her to give copies of her work schedule to DH because the schedule contains other parties' information (i'm assuming their work schedules as well) and it would be a violation of the HIPAA law. Maybe she is confused on this because of the fact that she works in a healthcare facility?

MixedBag-   You mentioned that you have experience dealing with HIPAA law; I'm not exactly clear on it just that it has to do with persons medical information and confidentiality. Maybe you know the answer to this, as silly as it sounds. BM is siting HIPAA law as a reason for not giving dad  a copy of her work schedule as ordered. What could one possibly have to do with the other??

I called the court and they said we can file a declaration as long as she is served a copy by mail in a timely fashion so she has opportunity to respond. That means we have to get on it this week, as the hearing is set for 11/12. Will be sending it to her mother's residence, as that is her last known address.

They also had a chuckle over bm's assertion that she wasn't served because the person serving did not say "you've been served".

As for her objecting to the Commissioner, from what I've been able to read in CA Family Law Code, if she objects then the Commissioner can still hear the case and render her opinion. Either party can then object to Commissioner's findings and it will go before a judge.

I understand..I haven't had any luck trying to research these questions online either. It's very non-specific.

Possibly I will call the court and try to get an answer about filing that declaration.

ocean- Dad has joint legal/joint physical custody. His timeshare is 27%. I found the form you mentioned and definitely going to be using it.. I believe a big part of the bias towards dad is that bm has repeatedly filed false tro's and each time she has given copies of these to the school. Allegations range from domestic violence, drug use and distribution, stalking and cyberstalking; I was accused of being a drug dealer and trying to run over the children with my vehicle. She made a fake recording of a drug deal between myself and her friend, but never used it. At one point during visitations, the younger child was plucking out hairs to take to mom for hair follicle testing; she later told the child they were contaminated and couldn't be used. Once dad offered to take the test at her expense, she moved on to something else.

Last time dad went to the school he found that mom's boyfriend was listed #2 on the emergency card, he then showed them where it states that children are not to be in care of mom's boyfriend. They disagreed with dad's interpretation and then called mom. Dad is last on the emergency card, with a notation that children are not to be released to him except during his specified parenting time. In other words, they will not call dad in emergency because mom has specified they not be released to him. Their argument is that mom's residence is considered primary in the paperwork, so only her information should count, even though they have joint/joint..is that right?

Curious-unfortunately, cell phone is in her mother's name..just can't win 


MixedBag-what dad really wants is just for her to follow the order and to be allowed to be an active participant in his childrens lives. He has not tried to take custody from her..bm wants sole custody and all dad's money. At some point if this continues it's going to become more about punishing her than just getting the information and time with the children, because she doesn't seem to have any regard for the court or it's orders unless they are in her favor. I believe the order was very specific when she was told to give dad a copy of her work schedule every 6 weeks or when she receives it. That would alleviate any confusion about the ROFR. We can't really prove that she went to work or left the children with her boyfriend, other than having been told this by both children. Just asking for something as basic as an address; she is now claiming she won't give him her work or home address because he will use it to harass or annoy her. He went to her old apartment one time after she took the children out of school early to deny him visitation. She wasn't there, but her mother was there paying her rent and saw him. A week later he was served with a TRO for stalking because of this, and wasn't allowed to see or speak to his children for 45 days until it was dismissed.

Do you know if he can file another declaration before the hearing just to update the court as to the sports as well as the incident that took place?; if so we would like to do that when we file the proof of service. I know our Commissioner reads EVERYTHING and dad tends to get very nervous and tongue-tied in court.

I also find this phrase confusing "best interest of the children". When the police were trying to convince dad to relent and allow the child to go with mom to the party, they sited what's in the "best interest of the child". Really?? What is that teaching the child? And what message is that sending to the mom who continues her crazy behavior having gotten away with it so many times? She is damaging the children in ways they may never recover from. Parental alienation is a horrible thing to witness, much less experience firsthand.

mdegol.. we would have much preferred to have had her served anywhere else. Dad doesn't have any contact information for her other than her cell phone number. No e-mail address; no work address or phone number; no home address or phone number. She uses her mom's address on the court documents. She failed to file an income and expense declaration after the judge requested one. Dad had sent her a certified letter two weeks ago to mom's address, again asking for this information and no response. So two choices. Either serve her at the soccer field, or serve her upon return of the children. Soccer field seemed more logical, as the children were under dad's care at that time.The friend that served her is more of an aquaintance to mom, but they have always been on friendly terms and we thought it would be better than myself or a family member. It would have been discreet had she not made a scene.

ocean..we have had issues with the schools as well. Each time dad has gone to the school for information, they in turn call mom for permission. Grandmother's address is the one listed with the school as far as we've been told.

I wish we would've thought to have a video camera handy, unfortunately we weren't expecting that outcome, but for future reference it might keep her behavior in check. ..

As far as the police are concerned, dad asked for a report or incident number and they stated they weren't going to make a report, just there for a peaceful exchange. They were in a rush to get somewhere else.