What should I do and also is this legal?

[MrCustodyCoach]

You talk to her too much and need, critically, to learn the benefits of low contact:

Appropriate Communication in a High-Conflict Divorce & Custody Situation (http://lost)

Also, in a high-conflict situation, you should avoid deviating from the custody schedule at almost any costs, absent an emergency.  Too often, "doing the right thing" blows right up in your face and turns out exactly as detailed in the original post.

And NEVER pay her for anything court-ordered by anything other than a check with the purpose written into the memo section "PAYMENT FOR BASEBALL ACTIVITIES."

She wants you to pay by money order so there is no paper-trail and then come back to you over and over for the same money, and when you don't comply - she'll litigate and you'll have no proof of payment.

[chickenbubbasmom]

She wants you to pay by money order so there is no paper-trail and then come back to you over and over for the same money, and when you don't comply - she'll litigate and you'll have no proof of payment.

That sounds pretty accurate.. from my personal experience, getting a copy of a money order is extremely difficult if not impossible. The easiest solution to your problem is to pay by check, if she'll take it. Then you have your documentation as well as avoiding unnecessary conflict.

[MrCustodyCoach]

Mail her the check.  No need for a face-to-face.

[MixedBag]

Mr. CC.....link didn't work for me.

[MrCustodyCoach]

Apparently, someone is screwing with the links.  Admin is looking into it because they were messed up, then corrected, and now changed again.   

[MrCustodyCoach]

Appropriate Communication in a High-Conflict Divorce & Custody Situation (http://www.mrcustodycoach.com/blog/low-contact)

Testing per admin's instructions.

[MixedBag]

worked -- thanks!

[SuperDad52]

I took the video off youtube last week.
I'm trying to figure out what to do about her wedding.  So, I fugured easy enough, I'll just send her an email.  Here it is.



Ex Name,


As you are well aware per our conversation your wedding is scheduled on my weekend (Nov. 7th 09).
I propose a few simple solutions to a simple problem:
Solutions #1
We can switch weekends.  You can have son's name on my weekend (Nov. 7th) so he can be in your wedding and attend all the festivities you have schedule around the event.
In return I get son's name on your weekend (Nov. 14th) the following weekend for make-up visitation which just happens to be my birthday weekend, we both make out great.

Solution #2
I will pick him up on Friday @ 6PM as scheduled per my weekend on Nov. 6th.  If your wedding is local I will bring him to you on Saturday so he can get ready and attend your wedding, just let me know where and what time he needs to be there.  After the wedding is over I will pick him up.  If the wedding is not local send someone to pick him up from my house and drop him off afterward.

Thanks!
my name



Well, guess what. I didn't get a response.  I sent her a text mesg to tell her to plz check her email in regaurds to her wedding.  She simply said "no thank u".  And that's it. No response.  I seen her at the soccer field on Saturday and walk up to ask her about next weekend, I asked what's the plans for the wedding and son?  She only says "no, were not discussing this at an event, were at an event, no that's enough, no, bla bla bla".  It all lasted about 45 seconds. No yelling or arguing.  It's simply her way or the highway.  Well as I was walking away I turned to her to tell her I'll pick son up at 6 on Friday then. She smiled and said okay.  One of the real
Bi&#$Y sarcastic ways.  I've tried texting, I've tried email and I've tried face to face.  She has no desire to co-parent.  To tell you the truth I was thinking about picking him up from school on Friday afternoon instead of 6pm because I'm 99% sure she will let me drive all the way out to get him and she will not be there.  But, my wife jumped all over me for saying something so stupid.  Looks like my hands are tied.  I guess I'll have to wait for my day in court.  What a shame!!!!!!!


Oh yeah, as far as the money goes I guess I could send it cert. mail. I've tried sending her something CM before and she wouldn't accept it telling me I need to send everything to her attorney so I'll probably get it back in the mail in a few weeks.  But my wife don't like that idea.  She wants the judge to tell me to give her the money (because I've tried to give it to her already).

Thanks

[gemini3]

It's really not a good idea for you to try engaging your ex at your son's games.  It is stressful on your son, and totally unnecessary.

I like that you have tried e-mailing her to address the wedding situation.  But, JMHO, you've waited way too long.  I'm sure you know how much planning is involved in a wedding, and I can see where she would be frustrated with not knowing whether or not her son would be in the wedding.  Granted, she could have scheduled it during her weekend, but sometimes scheduling doesn't work out the way you want - and you hope the other side will work with you.  She's probably super stressed out at this point and doesn't want to deal with anymore changes.

Option #1 is good.  However, your language is a little antagonistic.  It feels like you're saying she's making a big deal out of nothing.  It might have been better to say something like:  "Son would like to attend your wedding, and I think it's important for him as well.  I am offering for you to have him during my parenting time so he can attend the wedding.  I would like to get make-up time in return, which we can discuss when you return from your honeymoon.  Please let me know if you want to have him so I know if I need to pick him up or not."

Option #2 is a little silly because the last thing someone wants to do on their wedding day is deal with custody exchanges with their ex.  I'm sure you can understand why.

It's a little late for anything at this point because her plans are probably set.  I doubt that she's going to want to deal with it at this point, and I honestly don't blame her.

I'm a firm believer in picking your battles.  Weddings are major life events and I think, for your son's benefit, that both sides should put down their swords and calculators and do what's right for the kid.  He's missing a big event - where he could bond with his family, and also take a big step towards adjusting to his mom's new marriage.  Being included is good for the kids because it helps them not feel like the parent is starting a new life without them.  Your son deserves that security. 

Like I said earlier, sometimes you have to stop worrying about what the other side is or isn't doing, stop waiting for them to "get what's coming to them", and just do the right thing for your kids.

[SuperDad52]

I've been trying to get comformation that she will be willing to switch weekends for a few months now. 
Now, to late??? Yes.  Then, to late??? NO. 
She pushed the SIMPLE Issue off, not me.  Switch weekends?, sure not a problem.  Done deal.
She refusses to switch weekends and that's my problem.  So if she don't want to switch I'll pick up my son on my weekend and he will not attend the wedding!!!!  She won't be married in a few years anyway.   And this wedding, this guys she marrying.  He's not on my Christmas list..... He's going to marry my son's mom and try to move them all to NY where he lives (we live in FL) (which we are in court for but haven't heard anything for over 3 months now, my best guess is she will hit the accelerator after the wedding. Oh, now I'm married, Now I'm in love.........Give me a BREAK).  Maybe I should be nice and let her move my son out of state too.  NOT!!!
She has kick me around for the last 8 years.  Keeping my son from me, lying about everything and telling my son stuff about me, some true and some not but either way she just wants to start trouble and some things a five year old don't need to hear. If she wants to get married and move to NY GREAT GO and come back E/O weekend to see our son.