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so our lawyer realized that court order said that Parenting evaluator's job would end once a parenting plan is established. Since we don't have one yet, that means that her job is not done. Therefore she can continue with her evaluation up to two moths before the court date. BM doesn't want the evaluator and claims she is biased but she wants us to come up with a new evaluator (??). We obviously don't have an issue with the evaluator so why would she assume that it's our responsibility to get a new one? It's one of the weird things about BM. She won't do anything and expect us to fix her own issues (!). Our lawyer has told her numerous times that she is not HER lawyer and she doesn't have to give her legal advice. Anyways, the evaluator, after reading court order, agreed to proceed but lawyer asked BM that if she doesn't agree with the update then we will file a motion of contempt, which means more money to spend for us. It's really frustrating and I guess I don't have a question... just venting. This whole thing  seems so absurd.

Thanks so much, Ocean. It's what I thought. The child used to sleep with BM in the same bed but I  guess after the parenting evaluation started, she bought a little mattress and has it next to her bed. That's fine with us. What we are really concerned is about having another guy sleeping in the same room (and possibly same bed) as child (he is 4). Anyways, we will bring the issue up with parenting evaluator and see if something can happen. We would rather have child sleep in his own bedroom as in our place but we know we can't control that.

We are in WA state. We are still under preliminary orders and had an evaluation done in April. The results showed BM as unstable and proposed a visitation schedule of 50/50, joint custody in all senses but given child's age (4) BM would retain her position as residential parent (with the condition of another evaluation in two years). Since then, my DH has discovered unsettling information about BM and wanted to have an update done before trial. BM has refused to do so and on top of that wants to do a new evaluation since she was unhappy with the results (note that she didn't mention this until my DH asked for an update). The evaluator we used said that if she were the child's Guardian ad litem she would be able to proceed without the mother's consent. My questions are: is it possible to have the evaluator named Guardian AD Litem? How do we go about doing that? Is there a way to court ordered the update? If BM really wants another evaluation, would my DH have to pay for it, even if he is happy with the results from the first one? (he paid entirely for the first one since she claimed she didn't have money to contribute to it). We do have a lawyer but she is on vacation right now and we don't want to miss an opportunity. Any help will be appreciated!

So BM, after hardly three months, lets the new boyfriend move in with her (one more on the list of relationships but the first to actually move in with her). My husband (BP) learned about this through a third person, BM hasn't told us about this new relationship and that this guy is living in her apartment. She has only one bedroom and SS has been sleeping with BM in the same bed. She might have a small mattress in the bedroom for him, though. My husband is concerned about this situation because the boy has been recently mimicking kissing and other actions with male and female toys. My husband and I are concerned that they are having sex in front of him (or while they think he is sleeping). Can we do something about this? Any help will be appreciated. We are doing a parenting evaluation at this time so we would like to bring up the issue.

I was wondering if any of you out there can recommend a reliable website to do a background check (or gather as much information as possible) on a person? BM's new boyfriend seems to be shady (we've heard stories from some people about possibly having a criminal records) and would like to find out. Thanks!

So I've heard a lot about research that  shows that the absence of the father in the child's life brings about serious consequences. Could somebody direct me to the actual research (names, title of article, etc?). Moreover, is there similar research that shows the same effects if the mother is the one absence from the child's life? Thanks!!

Thank you so much, Ocean and Gemini3! I know we have it easier than other people. I have been looking at all the information around here so I'm well aware that our BM is not as bad as others. I think a 50/50 custody is the best for the child because BM, despite all her issues, is not a bad mother. She loves him dearly. My BF simply can't stand his son to be raised with her as role model. She has lied so much and made such outrageous accusations without any proof and yet, the court didn't seem to care about her lies. That's what really upsets BF. You got him so right, Gemini3! He is such an honest person and he feels he has done everything right to communicate and support BM and yet she always used their child as a bargaining chip to get whatever she wanted. Now we have temporary orders that are more restrictive (before we could see child as often as BM wanted, which was pretty often but completely at her whim). Now it's better because we have a clear schedule and BF and BM can't only communicate in writing. That is sooooo much better! And still, in the occasions they communicate (through email or text-message), he gets extremely upset. He immediately wants to answer to her over the top emails (which he finds very offensive) but I have told him he should never answer unless it indeed requires the exchange of relevant information with regards to child. Sometimes he listens, sometimes he doesn't  but he knows that, on that issue, I'm right. He's seeing a therapist and that's helping him so I know he's trying really hard to keep it together. I just talked to him last night and set up some ground rules for communicating about BM. I understand his need to vent but I say, that's enough, he should stop. The problem is that he doesn't have a best friend where we live, somebody he can simply have a beer with and tell all his problems so he vents ALL the time with me. The new rule also establish that we won't talk about BM in front of child and thanks for giving me the idea of the bedroom as a "free BM's talk". That's great. I honestly don't want to be involved  as much but he constantly asks for my advise and opinion so it's hard to detach myself from the whole situation. I just can't wait till we have permanent orders and can go on with our lives.... hopefully!. I know there is going to be much more drama before this is over. Thanks so much for the advice! It made me feel less alone in this situation.

Hi, all!
I'm still learning the ropes so please forgive the lack of knowledge. My fiancé (soon to be husband) has a wonderful 3 year old. His relationship with the BM was very brief and they never got married. She lied about the father of the baby and left the country while pregnant. She was married at the time (though being separated for several years) and her husband was a foreigner. She put her husband as the father in the birth certificate (though it was impossible he could be) and lied to my Bf, saying the child was not his. When child was 3 moths old she said it was his and he asked for a paternity test. She took 4 months to take it and finally it was clear the baby was his. He gave her all his support, double of what state required for child support so that she didn't have to work and could stay home taken care of baby. With the help of her husband, we presume, she got a passport and left the country with the baby for over 20 days without saying anything to BF. When BF found out, he was very upset and decided to take her to court for full custody of child. They had a parenting evaluation and it was positive to BF (the evaluator recommended 50/50 custody and in fact said BF was the most stable parent but given the child's age, evaluator didn't recommend change of custody at that point but when child is in 1st grade, evaluator recommends another evaluation). BF was upset about the evaluation, especially because psych test presented BM as a control freak, drama queen and attention seeker, while his test was excellent (balanced, honest ,and with no mental issues). He's trying know to get into mediation to reach an agreement with BM but  we know it's to no avail. She won't agree to anything and drag us to court. Now, my issue is that BF gets so upset for every little things BM does. She obviously have many issues (was abused when a child and a very dysfunctional family). When she feels threatened (which is very often) she attacks. It's actually rather sad. BF wanted to take his son to the doctor for a rash and she went nuts. She claimed he was out of line and wanted to submit son to invasive tests (an allergy panel she recommend) without any proof anything was wrong. This is after BF simply asked her if she had taken him to doctor as she said she would (she made a big deal out of the possibility son was allergic to cats). BF simply told her it would be good to make sure son was healthy and take him to doctor (she sent 5 emails in 40 minutes threatening him to  drop the issue if he didn't want to stop seeing his son! WTF?). Ok, the problem is not that, I know how BM operates and she will overreact and freak out when questioning her authority... she is after all a control freak. I don't care about her. It's upsetting but I know she will eventually calm down. The problem is BF, who goes ballistic over her reaction and says his son shouldn't be raised by somebody like her. We have this phenomenal fights and I'm at my end's witts to deal with this issue. BF ends up upsetting me more than BM! We are about to get married and seriously I'm having serious doubts this will ever going to change. How do you deal with your BF, DH or OD being completely irrational? I know he has his reasons to behave the way he does (trauma from a relationships that was toxic at best) but still.... we are thinking about having children very soon and honestly I don't think I can handle two crazy people at once. ! Please advise, share!