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Messages - BeKind

Pages: 12 3
Parenting Issues / Child missing school
« on: Dec 05, 2012, 09:58:02 AM »
My ex would like to schedule a last minute trip out of state to visit family this weekend during my scheduled time. His grandfather, our son's great-grandfather, has had health issues for the last few years and has been in and out of the hospital during this time. Apparently recently it seems as though this may be the end. I told him I am willing to allow him to take our son, under certain terms. I asked that he not miss school since I know the flight is really only about an hour out and back, and they will be out visiting in just a few weeks for Christmas as well. Our son just missed a day of school last week due to an ear infection and high fever (kindergarten). I also asked that the make up days be agreed upon ahead of time and that everything is put in writing as well as that I am provided with an itinerary. All of this is standard from our CO.

My question, however, is regarding school. He states that if it were on his time, he could have our son miss school for whatever amount of time and I would have no say in it. We have 50/50 joint physical and legal custody. I understand it is only kindergarten, but I do feel education is very important and have an issue with him not discussing something like that with me prior to. Are there any general rules about this that I should be aware of? Any thoughts or suggestions how to appropriately discuss this with him? As it stands, he is going off on me just about the trip, so I don't plan to bring it up right now, but would like to try to have a discussion with him regarding it in the future when he has calmed down.

Visitation Issues / Re: Make up days for being sick
« on: Dec 05, 2012, 09:48:36 AM »
Yes the missed days were consecutive.

Also, MixedBag, we are a week on, week off basis, so I was just connecting to the beginning or end of my already existing week.

Visitation Issues / Make up days for being sick
« on: Nov 30, 2012, 09:49:27 AM »
Our CO states:
It is further ordered, adjudged and decreed that in the event any scheduled custody time cannot be kept due to illness or an emergency involving the child and/or the parent, the parent unable to comply with the custody schedule will notify the other parent and child as soon as possible. In the event the time-shared arrangement cannot be kept due to the illness or other unavailability of the child, the receiving parent shall be entitled to comparable time within thirty (30) days after the occurrence of such missed time with the child.

I was sick with strep throat for 4 days. Due to the Thanksgiving holiday, I had my son extra time as is per our CO. So now we are down to only one week that is available for me to use for my make up days within my 30 days. I have offered to take them connecting to my next week with our son, rather than connecting to the Thanksgiving break that I have already had him so as to not keep him from his dad for 2 straight weeks, and even offered to allow his dad to pick him up for 2 hours to take him to dinner one day so it wouldn't be so long without seeing him. My ex, however, is arguing that I do not get to choose what days I take our son. He wants me to break it up and basically go every other day back and forth. If he weren't in school (Kindergarten), I really wouldn't have an issue, but we have a hard enough time trying to keep track of everything back and forth as it is with school. Can anyone tell me if he gets to choose when the make up days are or do I? I gave him two options and told him he could choose which would be more convenient in trying to appease his arguments. Just trying to prepare for the legal response if he continues to argue.

Also, I haven't been around in quite some time, so I'll have to do an update on here fairly soon! So much has changed over just the last few months, and I just want to say how grateful I am to everyone who has answered my questions and given advice in the past.

General Issues / Re: Communicating with ex
« on: Jul 01, 2012, 06:24:08 PM »
I'm sure he would text, but then I would get awful texts at all hours of the day/night as I did before. I had to change my cell phone number, as did my boyfriend, due to he and his mother's incessant harassing phone calls and texts. It was the only way to keep my sanity. As it stands, I still have to deal with the harassment through email, but at least that I can ignore until I am ready to deal with it because I have all of his emails go to a separate account.

General Issues / Communicating with ex
« on: Jul 01, 2012, 06:15:15 PM »
When I divorced my ex, I limited the ways he could communicate with me to a house phone (which is forwarded to my cell phone) and email due to harassing text messages and his anger issues. Thus far, there has been no issue with this. I call his cell phone to speak to our son, but any communication we have between us is limited to email. As of today, he made the statement that all emails will now be set to auto-delete and that the only way I can communicate with him is via phone. Any suggestions on how to go about this? I use the email to keep track of everything and also because any changes to our CO have to be in writing, and mainly to avoid the arguments that happen whenever we speak to each other. This is definitely going to be an issue.

Visitation Issues / Re: Vacation time
« on: Jun 29, 2012, 10:32:22 AM »
Thank you everyone. I just thought I would give a little update. He did return from his trip as scheduled, however, we had an issue this morning because he refused to return our son to me at the scheduled time. So, the police were involved, however, my son is now with me. I think I may go through our CO to see if I can get a modification put in place to make certain things a little more specific, as per recommendation of the officers involved this morning. Anyone have to do this before?

Custody Issues / Moving out of state
« on: Jun 23, 2012, 03:39:24 PM »
As part of our divorce decree, we would have to go back to court if one of us wants to move out of state. We currently have 50/50 split custody of our son. I was recently laid off from my job, and am looking at jobs out of state now as there really isn't much here within my career field, and it would be much better financially and in terms of stability if I were to move. Has anyone had any experience in trying to get custody changed to move out of state with your child? He is about to start school in a few months (kindergarten), so that really wouldn't play an issue just yet. Also, as part of our agreement, I am to request this from my ex first before going to the court for the change in custody. I know he will not agree, so this is more of a formality. Any suggestions on how to word this or what to include in it?

Visitation Issues / Re: Vacation time
« on: Jun 12, 2012, 01:25:23 PM »
Thank you everyone. I made it clear to him how I felt about the 14 days. If he violates that, I will have it taken up with the court. At least I have proof that I already spoke to him about it and he continued to violate it anyway should he choose to do so. Until then, I will just have to wait and see how it goes and try not to stress out too much.

As for the TPO with his mother... right now we are waiting for our court date. I already took her back to court about it once for violating it. Now we are waiting to see if the court plans to extend it based on any contact she has with me up until that point. It's a waiting game but I keep track of everything, so I just try to ignore her the best I can and continue to not speak to her directly ever.

Visitation Issues / Re: Vacation time
« on: Jun 12, 2012, 09:40:10 AM »
The vacation time was to be 14 days in length that the dates were agreed upon 30 days prior. So now that it is just a few days before, it's ok for him to just randomly change the dates without my consent? That is the issue I am having.

As far as picking him up Thursday is concerned, I am always willing to work with him and his schedule especially because of the military aspect and his work schedule changing a lot. I would have let him pick him up on Thursday afternoon had he been leaving early Friday morning, but if they are not leaving until Saturday, I didn't see a good reason I should shorten what time I have with my son. I have not said anything to him about why he cannot pick him up on Thursday... those thoughts have only been posted here. I just told him to stick to the agreed upon dates.

Canadian border - more worried about his family than him. We have plenty of issues, including a protective order as I had mentioned earlier. I would not put it past them (and him to allow this) to leave the country with our son. They have a constant attitude that they can get away with whatever they want, legal or not, and will do so at their whim. Our son does have a passport, and it is his father who has it. There is nothing in our order about the passports.

Daycare - Since we have him alternating on a weekly basis, we each pay for the week we use it. If I have him extra days during his normal time, he still pays for it because it is usually that I am caring for our son because he is out of town or working nights. So I will be responsible for a whole week of daycare if he is going that one day after he returns. If not, then I can include it in the vacation time and not pay for that week. However, that is also income for the lady that runs the daycare, so I can understand her concern in trying to plan for if that will not be paid to her.

I'm trying to be reasonable about things, but if you knew the family I am dealing with, you would understand the concern. They full-heartedly think the are above the law, and the judge has even called them out on that at one point.

Visitation Issues / Re: Vacation time
« on: Jun 11, 2012, 08:53:44 PM »
I knew something was up. His mother just emailed me the itinerary. First, he does not leave until Saturday afternoon, so there is no reason he needs to pick him up Thursday afternoon. Second, she stated that there may be a 3-day extension added on, and she was looking into changing his tickets. She claims that because his weekend starts on Friday because of Father's Day weekend, that the vacation doesn't start until Sunday and that 14 days would be until July 1st.

I responded back to my ex as his mother and I are to have no direct contact due to a protective order I had put against her (which she continues to violate). I told him that he will return our son to me on the day scheduled as those were not the dates agreed upon and that he was to give me 30 days notice for vacation dates. If he does not return him to me on the 29th as scheduled, that would be considered kidnapping, correct? What can I do to prepare for this event should they completely disregard my objection? Is there a way to find out if his tickets are changed? Who would I call in the instance that he is not returned to me? If I find out his tickets have been changed, do I have the right to not allow him to go, knowing that they do not plan to return him to me during my allotted custody time? Is there a way I can put a hold on his passport or something along those lines? They live so close to the Canadian border, now I'm honestly worried about them continuing to do whatever they please.

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