Vacation time

[Spaceman1982]

And just to add. I used to help my ex. Gave her extra time and all. Then I messed up planning for a camping trip asked to switch and I would make up her time. She literally said via email "you should have planned better". So I obeyed court order to a T. We went to court and she told judge I wouldn't work with her about switching. Told judge I had and showed him email said that made me start following court order. He told her you did it to yourself and I can only make him obey the court order.

[tigger]

He didn't originally ask for extra days.  When he notified her 30 days in advance he stated Fri, 6/15 - (Whatever date).  The problem is that he has been telling others that he'll have the child longer.  But not telling Mom that.  In addition, the grandmother has decided that he should already get the weekend and add three days to it  . . . again, not with the required 30 days notice.  And he's asking to pick up the child early . . . not with the required 30 days notice.  In other words, either he's really disorganized or he's playing games.  This is exactly why I had it in my orders that the weekends were protected times and that vacations were to be taken in two (and later 4) nonconsecutive 7 days increments.  In other words, I couldn't take his weekend for vacation time and he couldn't take mine.  He insisted that his vacation should end with a weekend he/his wife always requested 5 p.m. Sunday to 5 p.m. Sunday.  One year I couldn't take a typical full work week because I had to be at work at least a couple of days EVERY week during that summer.  I requested 5 p.m. Wednesday to 5 p.m. Wed and my ex's wife had a conniption.  She just KNEW it was ILLEGAL.    Never got arrested though. 

He never gave me an itinerary.  I always gave him one.  He wasn't supposed to take the boys across the state line without letting me know in writing but they routinely took them to his wife's sisters in VA.  I never took him back to court for contempt because I knew it was just a ploy to annoy me and I knew he'd be back.  And if he did do anything horrible, his parents would side with me.  That helped a lot in the level of tolerating stupid stuff.

The real problem is that he made a decision, his mom found a loophole and is now trying to exploit it.

[Spaceman1982]

Not disagreeing with the loophole theory Tigger. 100% agreed.

I do reiterate however. Follow the court order. If I misinterpreted something as far as timing bekind, I still say follow the court order. If HE never said I'm adding the three days to YOU....then peace.  (I for some reason thought he had and the mother stated why. I still would tell the police she is leaving you alone with a TPO)

[MixedBag]

The vacation time was to be 14 days in length that the dates were agreed upon 30 days prior. So now that it is just a few days before, it's ok for him to just randomly change the dates without my consent? That is the issue I am having.
You're allowed to have issues with him changing his mind and there's no 30 days notice.


As far as picking him up Thursday is concerned, I am always willing to work with him and his schedule especially because of the military aspect and his work schedule changing a lot. I would have let him pick him up on Thursday afternoon had he been leaving early Friday morning, but if they are not leaving until Saturday, I didn't see a good reason I should shorten what time I have with my son. I have not said anything to him about why he cannot pick him up on Thursday... those thoughts have only been posted here. I just told him to stick to the agreed upon dates.
Ok, so you only posted the thoughts here -- that's a good thing because IMHO we can help you pick and choose your battles and even say "HEY, don't think like that" safely.


Canadian border - more worried about his family than him. We have plenty of issues, including a protective order as I had mentioned earlier. I would not put it past them (and him to allow this) to leave the country with our son. They have a constant attitude that they can get away with whatever they want, legal or not, and will do so at their whim. Our son does have a passport, and it is his father who has it. There is nothing in our order about the passports.
Ok, so there's a passport already been issued and the order is silent on the subject.  Sometimes you can't do much or anything until the order has been violated now that it's already signed and set.  I too took our son to Germany with me -- and EX sorta tried to pitch a fit -- but I also RETURNED him when I was supposed to.  Right now, that's the key.  the back and forth exchange according to the order.  If he steps out of line and doesn't return your child....THAT's when you have to file and ask for the passport to be surrendered t you for safekeeping.


Daycare - Since we have him alternating on a weekly basis, we each pay for the week we use it. If I have him extra days during his normal time, he still pays for it because it is usually that I am caring for our son because he is out of town or working nights. So I will be responsible for a whole week of daycare if he is going that one day after he returns. If not, then I can include it in the vacation time and not pay for that week. However, that is also income for the lady that runs the daycare, so I can understand her concern in trying to plan for if that will not be paid to her.
If he's been paying daycare when you actually have the child, then you should keep that on target and keep the daycare lady out of it.


I'm trying to be reasonable about things, but if you knew the family I am dealing with, you would understand the concern. They full-heartedly think the are above the law, and the judge has even called them out on that at one point.

Don't go there with me.....I've dealt with TWO unreasonable EXs....over the past 18 years, I've walked more than a mile in your shoes and came out with great relationships with all 6 kids (3 mine, and 3 former steps).   It was this place, these boards that taught me when I stepped in the right direction and when I overstepped.  I have orders from a judge and studies from a GAL that made me cry tears of joy in that SOMEONE finally understood what was really happening.  I do understand -- which is why I'm trying to help and just not ignore your requests for help.

Tacking on a weekend, or using a weekend before a longer period of time is someting you are both allowed to do.  It goes both ways.  Remember that when you plan for your 14 days with your child.

[BeKind]

Thank you everyone. I made it clear to him how I felt about the 14 days. If he violates that, I will have it taken up with the court. At least I have proof that I already spoke to him about it and he continued to violate it anyway should he choose to do so. Until then, I will just have to wait and see how it goes and try not to stress out too much.

As for the TPO with his mother... right now we are waiting for our court date. I already took her back to court about it once for violating it. Now we are waiting to see if the court plans to extend it based on any contact she has with me up until that point. It's a waiting game but I keep track of everything, so I just try to ignore her the best I can and continue to not speak to her directly ever.

[MixedBag]

good luck!

[ocean]

Does the TPO include no emails to each other? If it  does, she violated again, go to your police station with the proof and have them file a contempt violation.

[BeKind]

Thank you everyone. I just thought I would give a little update. He did return from his trip as scheduled, however, we had an issue this morning because he refused to return our son to me at the scheduled time. So, the police were involved, however, my son is now with me. I think I may go through our CO to see if I can get a modification put in place to make certain things a little more specific, as per recommendation of the officers involved this morning. Anyone have to do this before?

[ocean]

You would need to file a modification to the visitation plan- court order. You can file yourself, some places it is free to do , or small fee.
Use the police report and reason " on xx day, father did XXX, mother had to get police involvement to get child back, mother requests the order to say xyz (specific details and even dates each year he gets child for summer and that it not include any other time, 14 straight days then back to mother).

[MixedBag]

yes, call it a "Motion for Clarification" -- and then tell the court which part causes arguments between the two of you and ask the court to CLARIFY what it means and then suggest potential language to make it clearer.